Tag Archive | "jesus christ"

Jesus Just Assumed That Republicans Knew About His Socialist Leanings


WASHINGTON D.C. – Speaking amid right-wing concerns that the United States is slowly becoming a socialist nation, Jesus Christ insisted Thursday that he just sort of assumed that members of the Republican Party – which comprises some of his most ardent followers – knew about his own socialist leanings.

The Son of God kept relatively quiet during the Republican presidential primaries, which saw candidates hurl vitriolic attacks against President Obama for “socializing the United States of America.” Read the full story

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Michele Bachmann Introduces Revelation Act


Today Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN) introduced a bill to “hasten the coming of Christ and the Revelation.” At a press conference she stated, “It seems to me as good Christians we should be doing something about the Second Coming.

This is the end times, so are we going to do anything or just talk about it? I’ll tell you. The Tea Party is the party of action. Read the full story

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Conservative Group Angered over Leftish Bias of Bible Translations


The Freedom Under a Christian Ruled Society (FUCRS) today announced their outright disgust at bible translations with a blatantly liberal agenda and plans to have the Good Book translated from the New Living Translation to one that meets their political needs, according to a press release.

Artie Ful, spokesperson for FUCRS, explained in an interview that some good Christian men and women have been feeling singled out and persecuted. Read the full story

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Jesus May Appear in Many (exclusively white) Forms (comic)


Throughout the new testament, especially after the crucifixion, Jesus appeared to different people in different form. It would be easy to laugh this off as confirmation bias in the face of obviously damning evidence, but Jesus doesn’t believe in damnation as much as salvation.

I’m something of an expert on salvation. It is literally my middle name. I’m not joking. It’s printed on my license. I know what I’m talking about. Read the full story

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Jesus Forgives (almost) Everything (comic)


Did you know your sins can be absolved? Did you know your conviction can be overturned in the afterlife? Even if you’ve been sentenced to 15-consecutive life sentences, once you die, you’re absolved and free. That’s the power of Jesus.

You don’t have to live virtuously, just accept Him as your lord and savior. You can continue shooting smack, smacking your woman, and womanizing your neighborhood children… just so long as you love your Christ, accept him as the one true son of God, and maybe throw a few bucks at the church. Read the full story

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Don’t Let Jesus’ Death Be for Nothing (comic)


We learn from a very young age that Jesus died for our sins, so we can commit them without having to sacrifice animals to our Lord God to earn repentance. Still leaves a few questions, but my question is better.

If we don’t sin, why in the hell would Jesus’ death be worth it? I mean, this is the literal son of God. He died so we can sin without regret. If I don’t sin, I feel like I’ll go to hell just for that. Read the full story

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Jesus Christ Hates Elvis (comic)


This comic was inspired by an actual conversation my mother had with actual missionaries about three decades ago.

She was feisty then, she’s still a pain in my ass now, but none of that means anything in comparison to the greatness of heaven offered by our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Read the full story

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Return of Christ Announced! (comic)


We’ve all wondered when He’d get around to returning. At the sermon on the mount he said he’d return before the last of them in attendance had died, but what a kidder that Christ was, for the love of God.

If Christ returned, would he be given a platform from which to speak his peace, or would He immediately be re-crucified, most likely by His own adherents. How would they actually know it’s Him?

I’ve heard it said that, we “would know,” but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from social media, it’s that even with the most resounding of consensus, there are still 200-million people who disagree. Will they form their own religion?

It’s not like there will be any supernatural occurrence that will convince the world. No, that would require an actual Christ, a being that has never been properly documented of scientifically falsified.

To see my comics as soon as they run check out GlossyNews.com/c.

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God Gay


In a stunning revelation that is set to turn the Christian world on its head, Almighty God has admitted that He is a homosexual.

The Lord Above also talked at length about the “steamy and tumultuous relationship” He has had with another male deity over the past 1,462 years, but would not be drawn on His lover’s identity.

The news will come as an enormous blow to a large sect of the Christian faith, who regard homosexuality as a mortal sin – something that God Himself was quick to refute in an emergency address to His believers this morning. Read the full story

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Immigrants Hesitant, Lukewarm to Christian Traditions (COMIC)


We all know what time of year it is, so without further ado, here’s our holiday installment.

Click image to see it full-size.

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Learn Easter from Your Kids: Zombie Jesus Brings Gold (VIDEO)


My kids attend weekly Awana meetings, where they learn about how letting people talk about Jesus can result in candy and prizes.

For the true magic of Jesus, I had to share with them a bit of the practical side.

Everyone has taught my kids about Easter. The zealots and thumper-types gave their take, Walmart runs ads with their take in heavy rotation, and I might have peppered in a few thoughts of my own. Read the full story

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Posted in Kidz Zone, ReligionismComments (1)

Economic Struggle Forces Mary, Joseph to Merge Christ’s B-day, Christmas Presents Into One


BETHLEHEM – Citing financial hardship amid the ongoing global economic downturn, Mary and Joseph – the parents of Jesus Christ – have conceded that they will have to merge their only son’s birthday and Christmas presents into one.

After years of making sure that Christ – whose birthday happens to fall on Christmas Day – always gets a least one present for each occasion, the couple insisted that they just cannot afford the extra plunge this year. Read the full story

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Micro-Religions Gain Market Share to Chagrin of Mega-Churches


This year’s Nielsen Prayer Ratings, considered an important indicator of sociological trends, put numbers to anticipated demographic shifts, yet contained surprises too.

While “Please don’t let her be pregnant” prayers showed expected growth among males 18-25, the 2011 NPR garnered controversy and condemnation among traditional ‘big box’ religious outlets. The study shows a decided move towards secularism. Seen as even more troubling by religion providers is a market share gain for non-mainstream sects. Read the full story

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Spontaneous Pot Combustion in Church Rectory Causes High Mass


WORCESTER, Massachusetts – (Glossy News) – Police and fire crews were called to Our Lady of Perpetual Forgiveness in Worcester, Massachusetts last Saturday evening when a church secretary called to report a strange smell emanating throughout the chapel where mass was being held. At first, everyone thought that the priest must have been burning incense and didn’t think anything of it, but as the smell got stronger and some of the faithful began giggling uncontrollably, it became apparent that something was amiss. Read the full story

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