Tag Archive | "Homosexual"

Sexual Identity Cr-ISIS

Mosul, Iraq—This week, rebel fighter under the banner of ISIS, began destroyed over 100,000 volumes of rare, historic books.

A month prior, ISIS fighters raided the University of Mosul’s library and burned hundreds of books of cultural significance.

Why the sudden turn from enforcing strict sharia law, to now, burning antique Arabic literature? University of Mosul historian Rahman Al Salami explains, “Butt stuff. Lots and lots of butt stuff.” Read the full story


Posted in World NewsComments (0)

God Gay

In a stunning revelation that is set to turn the Christian world on its head, Almighty God has admitted that He is a homosexual.

The Lord Above also talked at length about the “steamy and tumultuous relationship” He has had with another male deity over the past 1,462 years, but would not be drawn on His lover’s identity.

The news will come as an enormous blow to a large sect of the Christian faith, who regard homosexuality as a mortal sin – something that God Himself was quick to refute in an emergency address to His believers this morning. Read the full story


Posted in ReligionismComments (0)

SpongeBob Confirms Gay Rumors

HOLLYWOOD, CA. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET. Under pressure from media and various Christian organizations, SpongeBob Squarepants, in a rare public appearance yesterday from his home in Bikini Bottom, confirmed the many rumors circulating about his sexual orientation.

SpongeBob for the first time admitted he is gay and involved in a long-time relationship with his life partner, Patrick the Starfish. Our Derisive Duck cartoon correspondent telephoned the Nickelodeon Channel, SpongeBob’s employer, who did not return our calls.

The effect this revelation will have on SpongeBob’s television career and his employment as a fry cook at the Krusty Krab restaurant is unclear.

Some Christian groups, especially James Dobson’s Focus on the Family, have called SpongeBob part of a pro-homosexual media conspiracy designed to expose the nation’s children to the Hollywood homosexual agenda. Derisive Duck attempted to contact the Pro-Homosexual Media Conspiracy, but could not find a listing.

According to Dobson, “these seemingly innocent cartoons contain subtile enticements to lure our children into the gay lifestyle.” SpongeBob Squarepants was created in 1996 by cartoonist Stephen Hillenburg. “I created SpongeBob to be a kind of goofy, kind-hearted, innocent sponge who lives in a pineapple in Bikini Bottom and annoys most of the other characters.

The love relationship that evolved between SpongeBob and Patrick has caught me off-guard as much as everyone else. I knew they watched a lot of television together, especially a show called Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, but I had no idea!”


Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (1)

Sweden says Don’t say Boy

Sweden’s Director of Pre-school Schools announced this week a revolutionary new program for Americans to laugh at. Dr. Sven Frrrdegard spoke to reporters at Stockholm’s Ministry for Education.

“As the world’s only industrialized nation not headed for bankruptcy, we Swedes are keenly aware of our leadership responsibilities. We will not shirk our duty when it falls upon us to address humanity’s most pressing problem; gender stereotyping.” Read the full story


Posted in World NewsComments (0)

GOP Blasts Don’t Ask/Tell Compromise as Sub-Fabulous

On this snowy day in our nation’s Capitol, one can feel the power of hope overtaking all vestiges of cynicism. This lame duck Congress seems to this reporter’s eyes, to be driven by a spirit of bipartisanship seldom seen in American history.

Legislative roadblocks once considered intractable are now dropping faster than Miley Cyrus undergarments. Read the full story


Posted in Human InterestComments (1)

Noted Anthropologist – Early Man “Flintstone” was Homosexual

Sure, you remember him. Yes, that adorable Fred Flintstone wearing his cave man outfit of an animal skin over one shoulder and hanging around with best friend Barney Rubble.

The Flintstones were the modern age vision of a Stone Age family. Residing in the fictitious town of Bedrock, Fred Flintstone worked an unsatisfying quarry job on top of a dinosaur steam-shovel, for a bad-guy boss who squandered his labor to enhance his luxury cave on Knob Hill. But each evening Fred returned home to his lovely wife Wilma and eventually daughter Pebbles. Read the full story


Posted in Science, TelevisionComments (3)

UK Govt Report: 9 Out of 10 Males Are Gay, or Plan to Be

BIRMINGHAM, United Kingdom (GlossyNews) — By all accounts Treavor Slaughter should be an a ladies man with girls rushing up to him every moment as he enters his first year in the university….But things are different today in the UK. Treavor has decided to enroll in the new George Michael’s School of Advanced Faggotry.

Today, this is not an isolated incident, and Treavor is not alone. In fact, the Labour Party enlisted the help of a renowned third-party research think-tank to examine the current state of male sexuality in the UK. The finds were startling and sobering….A full 90% of British males are gay or profess a desire to be gay in the near future! The other 10% live in Scotland! Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, SocietyComments (0)

Neo-Nazis Deny Closet Homosexuality

Los Angeles, CA (BNSE) — A contentious rally of Neo-Nazis in central Los Angeles erupted into laughter earlier this week as Fascist supporting speakers vehemently denied taunts from hundreds of assembled protesters accusing them of closet homosexuality.

“We are not gay,” shouted one World War II era-esque SS uniformed speaker. “Homosexuality is an abomination against God, and a sin to the white race,” he screamed as he pounded on his metal spike studded leather codpiece. “You’re all going to rot in hell!” Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (1)

James Randi Announces He’s Gay — Proving Psychics Don’t Exist

FORT LAUDERDALE, FL (GlossyNews) — James Randi, the renown 81-year-old skeptic, has escaped from the closet after keeping his sexuality a secret for more than 70 years.

Randi, formerly known as The Amazing Randi, began his career in Canada as a professional stage magician. Read the full story


Posted in Human InterestComments (28)

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book

Senator John McCain’s fierce stance against repealing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has brought about speculation of his hatred for homosexuals. While McCain cites the hardships that military members face in Iraq and Afghanistan, many others are accusing the senator of attempting to bury his own skeletons. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (4)

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