Tag Archive | "hipster"

Oregon Man Successfully Hides Chin from Wife

Portland, OR—The vanity of the world is reaching new heights, or should I say lows.

Recently in the news, a Korean husband divorced his wife when she birthed an ugly child, an Indian woman left her husband when she discovered he couldn’t spell, and a Mexican man, hell-bent on singlehandedly populating the world, abandoned his wife when he learned she was secretly using birth control. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, Strange PeopleComments (0)

“Cool Hat Guy” Spotted at KFC

Seattle, WA-Local employees were abuzz yesterday when something unexpected happened. A good looking guy sporting a smooth beard and one of those cool knit Beanie hats strolled in to order some extra crispy.

“This doesn’t happen here, it just doesn’t,” says Juanita Lopez, who has been manager at the local KFC for almost 3 years. “This is not the clientele we are used to here.” Her subordinates agreed. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, Strange PeopleComments (1)

Local Hipster Unsure if 20 is Too Many Bracelets

Jason Just-Jason-Guy comes to this unmarked, semi-private club at least four nights a week to hear bands you’ve never heard of interpreting songs you woulnd’t get, but he wonders if he looks right.

“I put on some bracelets,” explains Jason, “but then I put on some more and some more, and I wonder if I’m being too indie when I do it, you know?” Read the full story


Posted in Society, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Why did the hipster shop at the thrift store (comic)

Hipsters are odd, unpredictable sorts of people. They do things that at the same time seem needlessly expensive and perfectly hobo-esque. There’s just no predicting them, and they like it that way.

So why did the hipster shop at the thrift store? You may think you know the answer, but even if you do, and even if you’re right, you’re surely wrong, as they shift so quickly with the winds, so as never to be in-the-moment cool. Read the full story


Posted in Comics, SocietyComments (0)

You Know What’s Great About Being a Hipster? (comic)

We all hate hipsters, it’s universal. Even hipsters themselves hate the term as much as they despise being one, which is odd, since it isn’t yet “cool” to be a hipster, so you’d think they’d love it.


It’s all pre-cool, meta-cool and any other filler terms I can think of to put here to make this seem like an actual entry, and not just a graphical post. Read the full story


Posted in Comics, SocietyComments (1)

How hard do hipsters Instagram? (comic)

If a tree falls and blah blah blah whatever does it meh who cares? Age old question with no good answers. Let’s face it, all of them are wrong.

But when the same question applies to a hipster, apparently there’s a whole new dimension to it. Mind you, it’s an incredibly shallow dimension, but the principle still applies, technically, I’m told. Read the full story


Posted in Comics, Internets TubesComments (1)

How much do five hipsters weigh? (comic)

It’s a non-sequitur from the word “don’t go,” but apparently it’s been asked, so we’ll address it. How much do five hipsters weigh?

Surely this is the pressing question of our time, and one that deserves front-page news attention, even though it’s just a setup for a series of jokes at the expense of hipsters… well, at least they’re not real people. Read the full story


Posted in Comics, ScienceComments (1)

Why did the hipster boycott the solar eclipse? (comic)

Kind of a hard thing to boycott, an act of nature such as that. I guess you can bury your head in the sand and just pretend it didn’t happen, but why would you? A question only a hipster could answer.

I boycott tampons. I don’t use them and I refuse to buy them. They’ll get none of my money… but a solar eclipse? What’s not to like about that? What’s even to debate about that? It either happens or it doesn’t, and it kind of does, boycott or no. Read the full story


Posted in Comics, ScienceComments (1)

Hipster Suffers 2nd Degree Burns, Smug About It (comic)

Sometimes it’s good to be on the cutting edge, other times not so much. Hipsters – though you’ll never meet anyone willing to accept that label – love going against the grain, even if it literally pains them to do it.

Here in this comic you can see a pair of hipsters doing the wrong thing and justifying the heck out of it, because, you know, it’s uncool to be cool.

Click on the image to see the cartoon in full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.


Posted in Comics, SocietyComments (1)

Hipster Insists “All Clothes Are Reversible”

Baron Davuson, a 30-something living in Seattle, knows HTML, database management craft beer brewing and how to dress like a wealthy hobo.

Davuson made a splash this week with his bold pronouncement, that any clothing can be made hip simply by exercising their innate reversibility, which almost everyone agrees is nonsense.

RIGHT: Here you can see Mr. Davuson’s “straight friend” showing off some designer jeans in reversible-style, to show just how trendy they are for hipsters… Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, SocietyComments (0)

Mitt Romney Interview Accidentally Ruined by Candor

Recently I had a dream that one of my publications was big enough and safe enough that I could get an interview with Mitt Romney. The thought of someone having enough access and gravitas to actually ask a hard question is indeed “just a dream”, but the following interview gets pretty close.

Derek Johnstone is an Urban Outfitter-attired 30-something hipster from Seattle, and he’s the associate editor of “Like, Whatever” Magazine… the quotation marks are part of the title, meant apparently to be ironic.

Johnstone was brought in to consult the campaign on how to win over the independent vote, and what follows is their exchange.

Mitt Romney – [sarcastically] Boy, you really dressed up for this meeting, didn’t you?

Derek Johnstone – See, that’s the problem. Just like telling the people in single-use ponchos they “really sprung for the big bucks.” You failed the first test independents care about, you’re a condescending a**hole.

Romney – Look, I don’t appreciate that kind of language.

Johnstone – And you failed the second test. You’re a fuddy-duddy. Like when you called the cops on those people smoking pot on the beach.

Romney – I don’t have to deal with this guy.

Johnstone – And you failed another test. You can’t disengage just because it’s not convenient.

Romney – Are we finished here?

Johnstone – Why are you running for president?

Romney – This meeting is over.

Johnstone – Wrong. Fail. Try again. Why are you running for president?

Romney – Because I have a vision that will lead this country forward–

Johnstone–Really? Because that’s not how you’re running your campaign. You’re running like you’re entitled to be president and you’re just waiting for the huddled masses to come around and realize it.

Romney – My experience–

Johnstone – Which experience? As governor, CEO or just your individual success story, because we’re not allowed to talk about any of those. You’ve got the [Salt Lake City] Olympics but you gaffed that up, not to mention that we can’t talk about it either. You just shut us down and say we’re supposed to focus on the economy.

Romney – But the economy is in serious trouble.

Johnstone – Right, and nothing you have proposed will fix that. You’ve already convinced the base, but just wishing hard enough isn’t going to convince independents that the policies that put America in trouble in the first place are somehow magically going to pull us back out of them.

Romney – But [independents] don’t know what my policies are.

Johnstone – Right, because you haven’t actually stood up for anything except the Ryan plan, which is at best a disaster and at worst a looting of the treasury to benefit the super-rich.

Romney – We need to take action, and fast, if we’re going to take back America.

Johnstone – Take it back from whom, exactly? Take it back to where? Most of us are better off now than we were when Bush left office.

Romney – We need to take it back to balanced budgets, for one thing.

Johnstone – How are you going to do that?

Romney – Well I’ll meet with top policy advisers and come up with–

Johnstone –You won’t tell us your policies? It’s kind of a big deal. It’s kind of the whole deal. You won’t tell us your policies, you won’t release your tax returns, you won’t let us talk about Bain or your time in Massachusetes. What’s left that we’re actually aloud to talk about, what you say on the campaign trail?

Romney – The media has been very unfair to me out there.

Johnstone – Grow up. They’ve been easy on you to make it look like a closer race because that sells newspapers. They haven’t called you out as a liar for your constant flip-flops and outright fabrications.

Romney – Are you calling me a liar?

Johnstone – No, I’m saying the sky is green. Get real. You lie constantly. Let me show you by asking you a favor. I’m coming into some money soon from an inheritance, tax-free, mind you. What should I invest it in?

Romney – Blue chip stocks are always a safe bet. Maybe an Index Mutual Fund.

Johnstone – So you admit that all my pennies from heaven shouldn’t be used to create jobs. The whole deal where you call rich people “job creators” is a lie and everybody knows it. Me having extra cash I don’t need and dumping it in Coca-Cola or Home Depot is good for me and my money, but it won’t create a single job.

Romney – I think we’re finished here.

Johnstone – If you can’t have a frank discussion with one independent, how can you ever expect to win the votes from any of us?



Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

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