Tag Archive | "Hillary Clinton"

Radical Feminists Thwart Hillary’s ‘Fauxfem’ Campaign for Commander-in-Chief


The Democratic Party have dismissed as ‘unjustifiably and unnecessarily contrarian’ a feminist blog which threatened to expose what the writers are calling the ‘faux-feminist’ prospects of a liberal Clinton Presidency.

The culprits have recently posted the following article:

 Clinton Dynasty or Limpet Dynasty? 

The only hope Hillary Clinton offers to women is the hope of ‘progressing’ to be a second-rate Bush or Obama or LBJ or Nixon.

If you’re saying all American women can hope and aspire to, is merely being the next Hillary, you’re trying to consign entire generations of women to an appalling fate. American women have too much intelligence, creativity and character to submit to endorsing the myth of Clinton Mobility. Read the full story

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Donald Trump Dead!


WASHINGTON, DC – Nancy Pelosi delivered a devastating blow to the Republican Party Monday afternoon by defeating leading Presidential candidate, Donald Trump, in a fierce game of Battleship that ended with Pelosi sinking Trump’s aircraft carrier. With a call of C-8, an overshadowing Pelosi gazed directly into the eyes of the man who has disrupted the lives of all other politicians since his campaign was officially launched on June 16, 2015.

“Back off Warchild, seriously.” Pelosi quoted Bodhi from her favorite movie Point Break that was recently remade and released on Christmas Day. However, Pelosi favors the original film that was released in 1991 and stars Hollywood hot-shot, Keanu Reeves and the late Patrick Swayze.

“Oh, that Patrick,” Pelosi gently murmured to reporters from the chair in which she killed the American business magnate whose hair was styled in the shape of a rabid cat to scare his opponent. “This was a battle won at the hands of Milton Bradley for the American People. We have rid the Presidential pool of Donald Trump!” Pelosi violently shouted with a continuous surge in energy, finishing her short speech standing up in her chair. Read the full story

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Clinton & Bush Condemn Trump for Upstaging the Good Guys


The Clinton and Bush Dynasties have released a joint mutual solidarity statement condemning Trump’s recent (allegedly) divisive populist policies…

As exclusively revealed on Glossy News over the course of the past 48 hours.

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/201512160200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-12/ and

http://glossynews.com/entertainment/internet/201512170200/latest-populist-policies-carrying-trump-to-victory-22/

This typically balanced and dispassionate artefact of radical political performance theatre reads as follows: Read the full story

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Clinton Calls Out Bush for ‘Establishment Hypocrisy’


The Dynasty Wars are heating up. Never mind Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Clinton vs Bush is where it’s at!

Or at least, it’s where the money’s at, anyways!

See the transcript of Clinton’s latest semi-public post on the notable TOR website known as Dark Internet Policy Forum: Read the full story

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Iowa State Fair Exhibits True Nature Of Politics by Having Presidential Candidates Penned up.


This year’s crop of Presidential weeds….. er… candidates made their appearance this week at the traditional show case starting gate for the quad yearly election- the Iowa State Fair. This time in a stock pen.

All the hopefuls vying for the so-called honor of being chosen the Commander in Chief of the entire United States were herded into a fenced off pen in one of the livestock barns and put on display. Read the full story

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The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (2/2)


Continuing what I said yesterday about about John Kerry’s ethically problematic text on war rape and its pro-“Humanity” implications…

Of course, there is fierce market competition among the The Party of Humanity, rather as there are among all religious cults, sects, and militant creeds in general.

But of course, what unifies each of these Communities of (Absolute) Truth is a tendency to diminish and trivialize the suffering of individuals. Read the full story

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The Convenience of Misogyny? Kerry, Clinton, the White-Knight-Industrial Complex (1/2)


As Hillary Clinton has announced she is running for the US Presidency, it is probably a good time to take a broader look at the potential pitfalls of politicians being presented as “feminists.”

I don’t dispute that feminism (however defined) is a good thing.

But there is nothing “innocent” about prominent political figures portrayed in glowing ethical terms (even when the presentation is only being made by their supporters). Read the full story

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Republicans Start Hauling Out and Dusting Off Their Borg-like Candidates.


The 2016 Presidential Election is starting out with snail like excitement and colorful shades of gray-toned vibrancy.

The Republican Party is beginning to wheel out their musty Presidential hopefuls for the public to gawk at. What is not let out into the community eye is that each and every one of them is a surgically altered Borg. Read the full story

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The Ballad of “Old Hillary”


THE BALLAD OF “OLD HILLARY” (sung to “The Battle of New Orleans”)

In twenty-fifteen we had a little slip
Along with Hillary Clinton on her presidential trip.
She wrote a little book but it didn’t sell so well
Then we fought the bloody Congress in a game of pick and tell.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

We looked at our server and we see’d the emails come
There must have been a thousand of ‘em waitin’ to be spun.
They spoke so loud that they’d make the headlines sing
So we fingered our delete key and didn’t say a thing.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Old Hillary said we can take ‘em by surprise
If we delete my emails and fool them with our lies.
We held our breath til we see’d the emails go
Then we fixed our server so they would never show. Well,

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Oh, they ran through the shredder and our lawyers’ beady eyes
And they ran past the reporters who couldn’t see our lies.
They ran so fast that Congress couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

We used our server til it couldn’t serve no more
Then we grabbed some scissors to finish our chore.
We cut those emails that had a tale to tell
‘Bout the story of Bengazi that didn’t go so well.

(REFRAIN) We set our server so the emails could be chosen
There wasn’t nigh as many as there was a while ago.
We booted once more and they began deletin’
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore.

Oh, they ran through the shredder and our lawyers’ beady eyes
And they ran past the reporters who couldn’t see our lies.
They ran so fast that Congress couldn’t catch ‘em
On down the “Reset Button” to the Libyan shore!

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(The) News (Really) Bytes – March


57 Republican Senators send a letter to the Iranian government stating that all of Obama’s efforts to create a truce between them and us is in vain because when they get back in power they will make them great, horrible enemies again so that their armaments keepers will still give them kickbacks- Way to go guys!

It wasn’t bad enough that you made Obama look bad by inviting that Yahoo named Netanyahu over to blather on about how this whole deal will endanger his own country that doesn’t give a whit about what is good for the U.S. or the rest of the world, only his land matters.

Just remember, Senators, that it is guys like you that started this whole mess with Iran. Do you recall back when we supported the Shah who was a ruthless dictator who slaughtered and tortured his own people? You don’t? I didn’t think so. The Iranians certainly haven’t forgotten.

The Republican memory doesn’t seem to roam much beyond the latest artificial crisis that they have themselves invented. And why is newly elected Senator Tom Cotton raising all this fuss in the first place? Aren’t they supposed to know their place according to right wing tradition?

Hillary’s emails – Speaking of artificial crises. Hillary kept her emails secret? So what! What are we, the National Enquirer? Rupert Murdoch nosing his way into everyone’s telephone conversations? With the NSA peeking at everything we do outside bedroom trysts maybe that is not a bad idea.

She even had her own server to help keep it private. Guess what? That makes her SMART! Isn’t that what you want in a Presidential candidate? Oh, I know- you Republican guys want another Bush. Forget I even mentioned it.

The Keystone Pipeline – It is the environmentalists against the right wing, or, another way of looking at it- the non-realistic idealists versus the ruthlessly greedy.

Question- they have refineries up in Canada don’t they?. They aren’t really a third world country that can’t turn black icky stuff into stinky clear stuff that will power your mobile up to the 7-11 for a late night booze run. Why can’t they just make the stuff up there?

Oh, I forgot, we have to control all the oil in the world. Sorry, I forgot. True, it will bring more employment. They already have so many people up there that it is throwing the original North Dakotans into turmoil. Plus there is all that work cleaning up the derailed crude oil trains. Also the streams they pollute.

Moscow finds ‘suspects’ in the killing of the dissident Boris Nemtsov – How convenient! The Moscow police find the ‘suspected’ killers of Boris Nemtsov, the opposition leader gunned down on his way home from a party.

And they just happen to be Chechen! How is that for odd! The Chechens are only Putin’s biggest pain in the butt in Russia, being Muslim and uppity and all.

Strange, though, that they would have a reason to shoot Boris Nemtsov. You would think that they would like anyone who rattles Putin’s cage. There is just no knowing on such things.

Except the KGB who just might know that this is a great way to kill (or imprison) two birds with one stone- Putin gets rid of two pains in the butt at one time, one being Nemtsov and the other being a number of Chechens who are probably nothing but trouble to him anyway.

India removes documentary on gang raping of young student on bus – Yeah, just pretend like it never happened. Maybe Indian girls should start wearing veils over their faces like the Muslims do.

Maybe the Indian government officials should too so that it harder to scrutinize them.

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Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed


Excerpts from “The Brian Williams Story”, a rumored biography that will now apparently never see print:

November 9, 1989
“All I can say is that it was an honor and a thrill to be the only major American news anchor on site when the Berlin Wall fell. It was a combination of good luck and astute planning that put me there that night so that I could report this major event back home to our NBC viewing audience. Or maybe it was Tom Brokaw. The important thing is that we were there.” Read the full story

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Maddow Vindicates Hillary Over Inoffensive “Dead New Yorker” Comments


Not so long ago, I told you how top photogenic political superstar Hillary Clinton was arbitrarily and unfairly accused of upsetting some mourners at a funeral…

With some (admittedly) fairly ill-timed, ill-judged, and most crucially, vindictively-taken-out-of-context comments™.

These comments were eerily and disturbingly reminiscent of the comments the mainstream media maliciously and unjustifiably accuse her of making at the Benghazi enquiry. Read the full story

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Innocent Hillary Unjustly Victimised Re: “Dead New Yorker” Comments


Future disgraced US President Hillary Clinton…

Sorry, I mean, disgraced future US President Hillary Clinton…

Well, to keep it simple, the somewhat more talented and principled member of the Hill and Bill double act (gotcha!) has recently turned up uninvited to a funeral in New York.

Well, not exactly “uninvited,” as such. Actually, some PR wonk from among the People That Count™ told me that Clinton merely made an “unplanned appearance.” Read the full story

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Hillary Clinton Latest in Nude Celebrity Photo Scandal


Aspiring Presidential candidate Hillary Clinton appears to be the latest notable figure involved in the nude celebrity photo leak scandal, according to traumatized sources who have seen the photos.

“I can’t believe I saw those pictures!” said TMZ spokesperson Alicia Hartless. “I may have to spend a few years in therapy just to wipe those images from my mind!”

Some people who saw the pictures were not offended at all. “I think she’s pretty hot”, said Los Angeles car salesman Andrew Spigelman. “But, then again, I think iguanas are pretty hot”.

Clinton was very upset when she heard that her cell phone pictures had been hacked. “Those ‘naughty nighty’ and ‘secret masturbation’ pictures were only supposed to be between me and Bill!” she said excitedly. “When I become President the first thing I’ll do is find the people who hacked me and shackle them for the rest of their lives!”

RNC Press Secretary Kristen Kukowski downplayed the nude photos. “We’re not talking about pictures of Kim Kardashian or Hope Solo here. Those are people we WANT to see naked”.

Glossy News refused to post any of the nude photos of the former First Lady because some people reading this may be having lunch.

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Hillary is Not Bad at Basketball. Period. But She WILL be President


Rachel Maddow of the left-leaning news network™ MSNBC has defended Hillary Clinton from malicious and false conservative allegations™ that she is bad at basketball. See this transcript:

“The enemies of the Democratic Party™, is there any depths to which they will not stoop™ to insult this woman with malicious and self-evidently false™, I mean absolutely ridiculously implausible allegations™?

“I believe if Hillary Clinton were a man, no-one would ever criticize her in this way™. Read the full story

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After Dismal Sales, Publisher Recommends Other Uses For Hillary Clinton Book


New York City – Publishing giant Simon & Schuster, desperate to find a way to turn a profit on Hillary Clinton’s new book “Hard Choices”, has come out with other possible uses for the book.

The company hopes to entice some who don’t intend to read the book to purchase it anyway. Read the full story

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