Tag Archive | "hijacking"

CEO Ben Linus Says Malaysia Flight 370 Swallowed Up By Smoke Monster


On Monday in Tunis, Tunisia, Ben Linus, CEO of The Dharma Initiative International, issued the following press release claiming the ill fated flight was accidentally swallowed up by an intergalactic black hole.

“Fifty thousand years ago a consortium of advanced Galactic civilizations constructed a black hole Stargate to earth. They disguised it as an island for the purpose of genetically enhancing and enslaving early earth hominids to work extracting valuable minerals that had been exhausted on their own planets.” Read the full story

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9/12 Not Remembered


WASHINGTON – Almost eleven years on from the events of the day immediately following the 9/11 terrorist attacks, millions of Americans will spend tomorrow utterly failing to remember 9/12 – a day which involved hourly repeats of the same, non-developing news story across all the major news networks.

The day, which was followed by the equally unremarkable 9/13, 9/14 and 9/15, is expected to see the nation’s 300 million residents go about their business as if nothing had ever happened. Read the full story

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Grandma Foils Would-Be Carjacker with Bag of Doggie Doo


Cecelia (Cece) Hudson is being hailed as one tough grandma this morning after reports of an attempted hijacking of her precious 1994 Honda Accord met with dismal failure. Due to her quick thinking and a conveniently placed bag of fresh doggie doo on her front passenger seat, Hudson was able to debilitate the would-be robber until authorities arrived to arrest him for grand theft auto. Read the full story

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