Tag Archive | "high school"

God to Withhold Prayer Requests From Cor Jesu High School Administrators Since Firing of Gay Teachers


ST. LOUIS – Explaining that he had, “literally no idea what they were thinking,” deity of the Catholic Church and contributing author Yahweh said in a press release he would no longer be accepting prayer requests from officials at Cor Jesu Academy in reaction to their firing of two homosexual teachers.

“I’m sorry, I really am, but I just can not, in good conscious, continue to cure the sick, pick winning lottery numbers, and alter the outcome of sporting events if the request comes from members of such an institution. These sanctions are both warranted and necessary.” Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, SocietyComments (0)

A-Hole from School Wants to Know If You’d Like Extra Lettuce w/ That


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INDIANAPOLIS – Despite spending most of his teen years being an insufferable prick to you and your friends, an asshole you went to school with would now be interested to know if you’d like extra lettuce with that.

Serving you at Jimmy John’s Tuesday, the 27-year-old, who routinely used to spit in your hair during 8th grade biology, stated enthusiastically this afternoon that he would be happy to get you some more napkins. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, Human InterestComments (1)

Parents Hail Terrible High School Production of Hamlet a Pretty Neat Little Show


INDIANAPOLIS – Lacking the necessary analytical skills to objectively critique a work of theatre, parents of youngsters in a St Vincent High School production of Hamlet thought that the laborious, 3-hour show was pretty neat.

Congratulating her son Ben on what was actually a painfully lackluster and wooden performance in the title role, Maggie Polworth insisted that the 17-year-old was “really fun” and that he looked “very funny” in those navy blue tights. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Kidz ZoneComments (0)

Awkward Boyfriends; Equivalent to knock off Coach Bags


From my daily observations I’ve notice that when young women have recently picked up new boyfriends, and they go to house parties, where there are other young women, they always hold on tightly to their boyfriends as if they are clutching on to a Coach bag, trembling from anxiety around other young women who look to them like stick up kids carrying automatic rifles with silencers on their barrels.

These young women who have young boyfriends will die before they give up their newly found purchases. It doesn’t matter if they discovered their boyfriends on the street corner laying on a raggedy blanket or if they ordered their men from Amazon with overnight shipping on a discount or if they met these guys at a coffee shop on a rainy afternoon. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, SocietyComments (1)

Ancient Greek High School Unearthed


Athens, Greece – GlossyNews.com – Archaeologists digging in the Greek Peloponnese in the region of ancient Sparta have reported the amazing discovery of a virtually intact Spartan high school once attended by at least 100 students.

The Spartans were the ancient Greeks known for their warlike society and, well, spartan lifestyle as depicted in the popular Hollywood animated movie 300. Read the full story

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Posted in ScienceComments (1)

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