The time honored and highly respected holiday of Thanksgiving was wiped out by the rival gang cartels of Halloween and Christmas this year. For many years the Halloween gang, characterized by bizarre, scary costumes, and the Christmas gang, recognizable by their holly- colored getups and red Santa hats, have been cutting into Thanksgiving’s turf. Read the full story

Halloween will soon be upon us. Here are some simple tips that should help keep the holiday safe and fun for everyone.

1. When planning your children’s trick-or-treating route, stick to residential neighborhoods. Try to avoid deserted industrial areas, construction sites, and toxic waste dumps.

2. Novelty contact lenses can add a new dimension to a Halloween costume. Please get yours from a licensed eye care professional; resist the temptation to create your own using an empty plastic water bottle, a razor blade, and a set of colored markers. Read the full story

A tartan-clad football hooligan is due to appear in court today to face charges concerning an incident in which an Aberdeen Woolybacks team soccer fan wearing a ‘black sheep’ Halloween fancy dress costume suffered second degree burns after being set on fire.

The 94-year-old Aberdeen side supporter, Duncan Lamb, originally of Shepherds Bush, suffered serious scorching while on a train returning from Edinburgh after last Saturday’s football match between the Hibernian Psychos and the Aberdeen Woolybacks. Read the full story

A Smegmashire Church of England magazine – the Avenging Angel – has drawn severe criticism from the laity for describing people participating in traditional Halloween celebrations as “siding with the Devil”.

The Avenging Angel article also claims the children’s practice of ‘trick or treat’ is based on extortion and blackmail and encourages kids to pursue criminal careers as stockbrokers, bankers and politicians. Read the full story

The White House has leaked what costumes the Obamas will be wearing at the annual White House Halloween Ball. The President has chosen to be Robin Hood, and Mrs. President will become Maid Marian. The theme for the ball this year will be “Sherwood Be Nice to Make Everyone Happy.” Read the full story

Major razor manufacturer Gillette and pin and needle maker PrickCo have shown slumping sales, even though Halloween is only days away. Late October usually sees a surge in sales of razors, needles, and other sharp objects. Read the full story