Tag Archive | "google"

U.S. Establishes Ministry of Truth to Combat Fake News


WASHINGTON – In response to the growing epidemic of “fake news,” President Obama today announced the creation of a new department of the federal government, the Ministry of Truth.

“As a Constitutional scholar, I can assure you that the Founding Fathers of our nation never intended the sacred First Amendment rights of freedom of speech and freedom of the press to apply to websites peddling ‘fake news’. The Founding Fathers well understood the importance of controlling the political narrative,” stated Obama.

“Let me be clear: ‘fake news’ is an enormous problem. So we need a war on fake news like never before. We will work closely with the more established and reliable media companies, including social media, to stamp out the threat that so many independent voices poses to our democracy.” Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Politics, World NewsComments (0)

Google’s Daydream View Brings VR Home


While there is a plethora of Virtual Reality (VR) headsets on the market, the new light, comfortable and stylish Daydream View by Google feels like a game changer.

None of the previous headsets have quite hit the sweet spot in terms of price, comfort and usability, to make VR experiences accessible to the mass market. But Google’s Daydream is considerably cheaper than the Oculus Rift or the HTC Vive, is far more comfortable that Google Cardboard and is for mobile VR, so users don’t require a powerful PC. Read the full story

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, TechnologyComments (0)

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.


Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble.
The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google.
There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles.
Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (0)

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down


Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, ReligionismComments (7)

HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score


HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report.

According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam, “I figured something was different about [Burman] right off the bat. We started with the Mathematics section, and all these kids were scrawling equations like crazy. But not Roger. Read the full story

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Posted in Education, TechnologyComments (2)

Come on, Google ChromeCast, You Know What We Want


Google came out with an innovative product at an amazing price. For just $35 you can get a clever HDMI device to plug into your Hi-Def TV to receive broadcast video from nearly any wireless device in your home.

But as great as it is, it still sucks one approximate pail of floppy donkey dicks.

With this affordable device you can stream Hulu-Plus (not the real Hulu, but the one you have to pay for,) Pandora and YouTube. You can also stream anything that shows up on Google Chrome, which is nearly everything, save for a ton of the things you actually want.

If you have files saved locally to your hard drive, you might be disappointed when you try to play them. You can drag files and drop them in the address bar, and early tests said many files would work just fine.

There are literally zero files from the various cameras I’ve owned over the past few years that will play in Google Chrome. Many of the video files I get to review won’t play, which is a bummer.

I installed MyPlex to work around it, but it’s a weak workaround. It’s a tricky, mostly terrible interface. It tries to do too much without actually doing the one, basic thing you want it to. That’s no good, Google.

In a perfect world, Google would make a local player that allows for browsing by folder. Short of that, they could just support a wider variety of files in the damn Chrome browser.

Maybe Google knows better than I that I don’t really want to see my family videos again, or the home videos my friends share with me. I can admit, these are likely painfully awful videos, but seriously, if there was just even a half-assed attempt to accept a reasonable range of modern filetypes, I’d rate this a must-buy device… but it doesn’t, so I can’t.

I’ll still say it’s pretty good, and that it’s something you should think about, but the market for it as of now is pretty limited. You have to be tech savvy, you have to only desire a narrow range of filetypes to be supported, and you have to be patient as hell, since it’s still equally buggy. Equally buggy as hell.

Disclaimer: Google didn’t give me a Chromecast, I bought it myself. The only thing they ever gave me in the 8-years I’ve been working with them was a free lava lamp for participating in a marketing test, and it died within a month. I can’t say I’m not in anyone’s pocket, but I’m definitely not in theirs.

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Internets TubesComments (0)

F***ing D***head Editor Censoring **arg** Everything


INDIANAPOLIS – An absolute f***ing c**kface of an editor has left virtually his entire staff completely baffled and frustrated after meticulously sifting through a continuum of work and censoring just about every God d*** p***ing profanity written down on each horse s*** piece of paper submitted to his desk. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

Area Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act


A local grandmother has become convinced that “the Google” is an amorous maneuver performed during the sexual act of “Googling.”

After watching a local news segment that profiled young couples who Googled each other after the first date, 74-year-old Gail Howerchuk became confident that to be “Googled” is to have had “the Google” performed on you by a “Googler,” and that the term she keeps hearing “thrown around by the youngins” refers to something having to do with “knick-knack patty-whack.” Read the full story

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Chad Not On Google Maps Due To ‘Lack Of Any Discernable Land Features’


The country of Chad is in an uproar over being missed out completely on the well known Google Maps app, saying that it is an ‘outrage’.

A Google spokesman was quick to defend his company’s inability to represent any part of the central African country, given the fact ‘there’s nothing ***king there’.

Other African Nations were quick to step up in defense of Chad including the one to the north of it, and a couple to the west along the coast. Maybe Ivory Coast or Liberia, but who can be sure. I mean, really, it’s (central?) Africa. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Video NewsComments (0)

As if by magic, Google Ads are back on Glossy News


It’s mad strange, defies logic, and is wholly welcome. After a 3-stage denial process, we’ve been reinstated at the literal last possible second. Google has re-instated us as publishers.

So our beef is settled, but let me tell you the great and terrible things about Google: Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, Internets TubesComments (1)

Google Adsense Bans Us, After 10-yrs Together. Evil Suspected


Google Adsense banned us a few days ago again, as they’ve done many times before in lesser fashions. This time it was because of an article published more than 8-years ago, which had literally zero traffic, according to… well, according to Google.

Listen, dastardly bastards, if you’re motto is “do no evil,” then consider, you know, not being evil fucking bastards once in a while… I’m just saying this as a publisher. Kinda tone down the evil factor. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets TubesComments (6)

Bing Wants You to Bing Bing to Find Out About Bing (comic)


Google spends somewhere between virtually and literally nothing promoting their search business, but Microsoft spends tens of millions pushing Bing, and just about nobody is buying it.

I’ve tried it myself. It returns ‘pretty good’ but not great results. You know what produces better results? Google does. Both are evil empires, for sure, but Microsoft has really taken it to a new level.

So do you know what the best thing about Bing is?

Click on the image to see the cartoon full-size.

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Posted in Comics, Internets TubesComments (1)

Top 13 Ailments Mis-Diagnosed through Google


Every day, millions of Americans get sick. If they’re smart, they’ll go to Google before hitting up their local HMO provider. Most of them get the wrong diagnosis, but they save a fortune along the way.

Based on our research, we’ve collected a number of case studies of individuals who have sought the sage advice of Google before going in for proper treatment.

Below are just a few of our case studies:

Read the full story

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Google CEO Apologizes for Inserting Creepy Subliminal Message into Search Engine Name


MOUNTAINVIEW, CA–Larry Page, co-founder and CEO of the mammoth search engine known to the world as Google, released a shocking admission and subsequent apology yesterday for intentionally placing harmful subliminal messages into the name of his informational superhighway.

Though everyone may be familiar with Google and what it does, not everyone is aware of its shady nomenclature. Read the full story

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Posted in Entertainment, Internets TubesComments (1)

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations


Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (2)

Yahoo! Somehow Still in Business


SUNNYVALE, CA – Despite the overwhelming success of Google Inc. and the vast expansion plans of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, the internet service provider, Yahoo!, somehow continues to remain in business.

Webmasters and researchers across the entire blogosphere are baffled by Yahoo!’s seemingly inexpicable ability to remain a leader in “whatever it is Yahoo! actually does these days” and have even theorized that maybe the company’s success is generated by its own staff repeatedly clicking on the site’s navigation links. Read the full story

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Posted in Internets TubesComments (1)

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