Tag Archive | "google"

Google Googled Google Just To Ogle The Googles About Google.

Barney Google googled Google just to ogle the googles about Gooble.
The googles that Google googled had oodles of googles about Google.
There is a gargantuan glossary of googles about Googles.
Gaggles of Google groupies google Google all the time. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (0)

Google Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down

Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.

In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Asked to make a public statement about this unexpected change, God refused at first to answer reporters’ questions. Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, ReligionismComments (6)

HS Student Answers Every SAT Question w/ “Google”, Gets Perfect Score

HERMINIE, PA — Local High School Student Roger Burman recently scored a perfect 2400 on the Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) after answering every question with the word, “Google,” sources report.

According to English Teacher Frank Gimley, who proctored the exam, “I figured something was different about [Burman] right off the bat. We started with the Mathematics section, and all these kids were scrawling equations like crazy. But not Roger. Read the full story


Posted in Education, TechnologyComments (2)

F***ing D***head Editor Censoring **arg** Everything

INDIANAPOLIS – An absolute f***ing c**kface of an editor has left virtually his entire staff completely baffled and frustrated after meticulously sifting through a continuum of work and censoring just about every God d*** p***ing profanity written down on each horse s*** piece of paper submitted to his desk. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

Area Grandma Thinks Googling is Sex Act

A local grandmother has become convinced that “the Google” is an amorous maneuver performed during the sexual act of “Googling.”

After watching a local news segment that profiled young couples who Googled each other after the first date, 74-year-old Gail Howerchuk became confident that to be “Googled” is to have had “the Google” performed on you by a “Googler,” and that the term she keeps hearing “thrown around by the youngins” refers to something having to do with “knick-knack patty-whack.” Read the full story


Posted in Internets Tubes, Strange PeopleComments (0)

Chad Not On Google Maps Due To ‘Lack Of Any Discernable Land Features’

The country of Chad is in an uproar over being missed out completely on the well known Google Maps app, saying that it is an ‘outrage’.

A Google spokesman was quick to defend his company’s inability to represent any part of the central African country, given the fact ‘there’s nothing ***king there’.

Other African Nations were quick to step up in defense of Chad including the one to the north of it, and a couple to the west along the coast. Maybe Ivory Coast or Liberia, but who can be sure. I mean, really, it’s (central?) Africa. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Video NewsComments (0)

As if by magic, Google Ads are back on Glossy News

It’s mad strange, defies logic, and is wholly welcome. After a 3-stage denial process, we’ve been reinstated at the literal last possible second. Google has re-instated us as publishers.

So our beef is settled, but let me tell you the great and terrible things about Google: Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Internets TubesComments (1)

Google Adsense Bans Us, After 10-yrs Together. Evil Suspected

Google Adsense banned us a few days ago again, as they’ve done many times before in lesser fashions. This time it was because of an article published more than 8-years ago, which had literally zero traffic, according to… well, according to Google.

Listen, dastardly bastards, if you’re motto is “do no evil,” then consider, you know, not being evil fucking bastards once in a while… I’m just saying this as a publisher. Kinda tone down the evil factor. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets TubesComments (7)

Top 13 Ailments Mis-Diagnosed through Google

Every day, millions of Americans get sick. If they’re smart, they’ll go to Google before hitting up their local HMO provider. Most of them get the wrong diagnosis, but they save a fortune along the way.

Based on our research, we’ve collected a number of case studies of individuals who have sought the sage advice of Google before going in for proper treatment.

Below are just a few of our case studies:

Read the full story


Posted in HealthComments (5)

Google CEO Apologizes for Inserting Creepy Subliminal Message into Search Engine Name

MOUNTAINVIEW, CA–Larry Page, co-founder and CEO of the mammoth search engine known to the world as Google, released a shocking admission and subsequent apology yesterday for intentionally placing harmful subliminal messages into the name of his informational superhighway.

Though everyone may be familiar with Google and what it does, not everyone is aware of its shady nomenclature. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, Internets TubesComments (1)

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (2)

Yahoo Somehow Still in Business

SUNNYVALE, CA – Despite the overwhelming success of Google Inc. and the vast expansion plans of social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, the internet service provider, Yahoo!, somehow continues to remain in business.

Webmasters and researchers across the entire blogosphere are baffled by Yahoo!’s seemingly inexpicable ability to remain a leader in “whatever it is Yahoo! actually does these days” and have even theorized that maybe the company’s success is generated by its own staff repeatedly clicking on the site’s navigation links. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (1)

Too Much Data? Google To Lease Storage Space In People’s Heads

Internet giant Google has come up with a solution to its data storage problems. The exponential growth in the use of the Internet has caused many of the top web site facilities to experience excruciating problems with where to put all the billions of bits of info that people the world over log into the web every minute of every day. Now Google has come up with a solution it believes is viable. Read the full story


Posted in TechnologyComments (1)

Google’s Latest Translation Device Helps Families Communicate

When you think of Google, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? For millions of Americans, it’s the fact that they didn’t listen to investment advice back in 2004 to buy 500 shares at $45.

But the second thing that comes to mind when you mention Google is this: innovation.

Among Google’s most impressive innovations is Google Translate, which lets you translate a phrase from one language into any of more than sixty other languages – even Latin – which comes in really handy if you’re considering becoming say, the Archbishop of Kent. Read the full story


Posted in TechnologyComments (3)

Google Buys Wikileaks for an Undisclosed $30 Billion USD

Mountain View, CA- GlossyNews.com In what is likely the fastest negotiated buyout in history, mega-corporation Google will purchase the redheaded stepchild of the information age, Wikileaks.org, from founder J. Paul Assange for a staggering, undisclosed sum of $30 billion USD.

An unidentified source has confirmed the money will changed hands, making accused condom-hater Assange one of the richest men on earth. How Google plans to dole out unreleased Wikileaks information was not addressed in the leaked statement. Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Internets TubesComments (0)

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Reno, NV (GlossyNews) — A Reno NV woman became the second person to sue Google because of an issue with Google Maps. Similar to an earlier action in Park City, UT, the woman, Eustancia Dumas is suing Google for poor directions related to the walking instructions Google offered. The woman claims that Google did not go into enough detail about how to cross the street.

Ms Dumas, who recently moved to Reno, consulted Google Maps to find a route to the local Piggly Wiggly. Dumas, who doesn’t drive and usually has others deliver her groceries, decided that the store was close enough for her to walk. She consulted Google Maps to offer her a walking route to the store, which was 3/4 of a mile down the sidewalk on the same street. Read the full story


Posted in Technology, TravelComments (0)

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