Tag Archive | "gaming"

Top Online Slot Games from the Movies


Let’s be honest, at one time or another, we’ve all had the odd fantasy about what it might be like to be a big Hollywood movie star.

The glitz, the glamour, the fame and fortune, it could be all ours for the taking. Ah, if only, right? Read the full story

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Facebook Funeral for Computer Game Enthusiast


TOLEDO – Zed Rigby, 65, a life-long computer game enthusiast, died in his home in Toledo, Ohio last Monday.

Mr. Rigby leaves behind no family or actual friends, but a number of his virtual friends are now engaged in virtual grieving.

Several of Zed’s Facebook Friends have taken the time to “Like” his Funeral page. A few have even added Comments including “Condolences man,” “Zed’s dead,” and “Sorry Dude!” Read the full story

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Video Game Makers Reach Around to Senior Citizens


As the video game industry continues to mature, game makers are scrambling to create the next generation of games designed specifically for a maturing demographics. You can give the older gamers a fancier avatar, but it’s a lot harder to get it up…to the higher levels than it used to be.

The average age of the hard core gamer is now…well about your age and getting older! So in accordance with the changing needs of an aging population, a new wave of games is coming. Wholesale “death and destruction” is not even remotely entertaining anymore. It takes a lot more to arouse the mature crowd these days.

Face it, you’ve seen one head explode, you’ve seen them all. It gets to a point where mere imagery just doesn’t pop the cork anymore. Aging gamers are looking for games that reflect the thrill and exhilaration of the “real life” that is slowly slipping away from them, while providing the irresponsible escapism and high definition graphics they’ve grown accustomed to. Get ready for Geezer Games.

These next generation games are so cutting edge, you can shave your ear lobes with them and the fear factor is so high, you’ll have to change your adult diaper. Using newly emergent “full immersion” technology, it’s like being trapped in The Matrix with a bad bootleg copy of “Misery” and irritable bowel syndrome. On the drawing board:

1) Grand Theft Audit:

The premise is simple. The Player is required to accumulate wealth by locating kickbacks, contraband and other sources of undeclared income and effectively hide them in offshore accounts before the Tax Man can audit their Piggy Bank. The game has 17 levels, each with a different Tax Code and Tax Bracket.

Those reaching the top level are exempted from the Tax Man, but are immediately set upon by the Charity Hordes and The Paparazzi, seeking to knock the player down a few levels for their selfish amusement. Rated ” MMMP” for Mo Money Mo Problems.

2) Staff Reduction of Doom:

Up to 16 million players compete on-line with each other over a dwindling numbers of staff positions within a global conglomerate. Each player is required to do absolutely anything possible to make themselves appear less expendable than the others. The Player is allowed a choice of sabotage tools, including Gossip and Blackmail.

Fall prey to the Slander Lawsuit and lose everything. Successful players move up a level. All others are tossed from a 40-story building by a cackling caricature of Donald Trump. Land on someone coming to work, get a 500 point bonus. Land in a garbage can surrounded by homeless people and get another life. Rated “YFSMO” for You’re Fu**ing Stressing Me Out.

3) Moving Violation:

Patterned after many of the most popular driving games, this next generation game requires players to navigate a maze of traffic jams, road construction elderly drivers, car-jacking thugs and being cut off in traffic without shooting anyone. Randomly targeted by small town policemen with ticket quotas, the goal is to make as many trips back and forth between home and work without accumulating an excess of tickets, losing ones license or insurance coverage.

Or shooting anyone. There is an increasing level of difficulty as game avatar ages, so hurry the hell up, Grandpa. But locate the Orb of Mid-life Crisis, buy a sports car and knock ten years off Player’s age. Rated “BYTTD’ for Bore Your Teen To Death.

4) Sims Child Support:

An interactive game, The Player must meet, marry and divorce a SIM, and gain control of child support payments before their financial stability is crushed. Players can play in one of two modes: Philandering Pete or Fertile Fergie. In the Fertile Fergie mode, the player must reproduce as quickly as possible, gaining points and Child Support for each child born.

In the Philandering Pete mode, the player must avoid marrying or divorce his SIM before she gives birth to more children than he can support. The Pete avatar has an Incognito mode, while Fergie possesses the Turbo Lawsuit Power Ring. There are no levels in this game and the player who dies last wins. Rated “OC” for Oh Crap!

5) Castle of Crumbling Credit:

This is an interactive game designed for many players. Players are required to acquire material goods and maintain their opulent lifestyle, while keeping their credit manageable. Players borrow and pay off Debt, looking for the perfect balance that allows them to climb the Social Ladder without being knocked off by falling sandbags of Minimum Payments.

Players must carry water from the Well of Cheap Credit to irrigate their Investment Crop in order to advance. But beware The Margin Call of Doom, a nebulous capital sucking incubus that’s always after your Lucky Charms. Or the Ogre of Increasing Interest Rates that can send you back to Level One! 256 levels of agonizingly thankless difficulty. Rated “SAY” for Screw All Ya’ll.

These games are planned to be rolled out in time for the beginning of the Christmas shopping season or as we call it, Labor Day. So get in line now. For those of you not inclined to camp out in long lines just to buy a video game…there’s a video game for that, too.

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Bovada.lv: Golden Spade Poker Open


Of all the great online poker tournaments offered by Poker.bovada.lv, the Golden Spade Poker Open is hands-down the biggest. With a guaranteed prize pool of $1,500,000, the largest in Bovada history, you have an excellent chance of winning a Bodog payout and enjoying some truly great poker games.

To cater for all styles, there are Contender and Championship Series offering a wide variety of Texas and Omaha games. The Contender Series offers prizes of $250,000, while $1,250,000 is offered in the Championship Series. Alongside direct tournament buy-ins, qualifying and Satellite options are available for both Series. Read the full story

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Even Grandma Thinks Bingo is Old School


In the United States, bingo was originally called “beano”. No, it wasn’t a racial epithet, even though many aged Americans may also use it thusly. No, it was a game played at fairs where a dealer would select numbered discs from a cigar box and players would mark their cards with, wait for it, beans.

When they won, they’d holler out, “beano!” and claim their prize. Perhaps a jar of yams or a nice single wool sock, I don’t know what they gave out at fairs back then, but some speculate it was mostly polio. Read the full story

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Teen Takes a Few Minutes Away from Skyrim to Spend Quality Time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3


INDIANAPOLIS – After playing The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim on his PlayStation 3 for twelve solid hours Tuesday, local teen Benjamin White finally took a few moments away from the highly popular video game to spend some much needed quality time with Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.

According to his PS3’s record log, White has not spent any meaningful time with the military-based computer game since November 9 – two days before purchasing Skyrim. Read the full story

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CIA Secret Operation “Xbox 360 Fever” Underway to Topple Taliban


The CIA is mum on a new secret operation designed to take the Taliban out once and for all. The concept of Operation “Xbox 360 Fever” is based on this country’s own experience with realistic computer games. “It is mainly aimed at the male soldiers who know nothing but fighting since they were young,” said Lt. Col. Milton Bradley, no relation to General Omar Bradley. Read the full story

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Merry Bloody Christmas with Call of Duty, Modern Warfare


The long wait is finally over for video game aficionados and those chronically addicted and desperate to get their hands on a copy of Call of Duty : Modern Warfare Mk 2 – the festive season’s latest release for a Christmas Day surprise – Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all Men (apart from those nasty unwashed Muslim Jolly Jihadi scumbags and any other f*cker and their dog who we’ve decided to indiscriminately label enemies). Read the full story

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