Tag Archive | "friends"

Facebooker Relieved Not to Give Damn About Any of Seven Friends Whose Birthday It Is Today


CAMDEN, N.J. — Area Facebook User Griff Paley reported earlier this morning that he is very much relieved to see that, of the seven Facebook friends who are celebrating birthdays today, there isn’t a single one among them about whom he gives a shit.

Paley, who woke up early to browse the social media site before his morning shower, glanced at the list of birthdays before concluding that none of the names in front of him merited spending the approximately-four-seconds it takes to wish them well. Read the full story

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Non-Sexual Freinds Seek “Higher Level” w/ Obvious Results (comic)


Ever had that opposite-gender friend you were “just friends” with, and wanted to take it to another level? Well there is another level, but sadly, you’re probably not in the same place.

Once you each spill the beans, there’s little left to be said but “Sorry, maybe we can be friends again in the future.” Short answer advice, just keep it to yourself. If it was meant to be, it will happen without intervention. Read the full story

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iPhone 5 Replaces All of Your Personal Relationships


SAN FRANCISCO- In a groundbreaking statement issued to press, Apple CEO Tim Cook announced that the new iPhone will “replace all of your loved ones and cherished relationships.”

The phone and features were announced earlier this week, already prompting some to begin distancing themselves with their loved ones in preparation for the release of the phone later on in September. Read the full story

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Courtney Cox Wants Romantic Reunion with Bruce Springsteen


Since officially filing for divorce from David Arquette in June, Courtney Cox has been pulling out all the stops in an effort to rekindle a once-blossoming romance with rock legend Bruce Springsteen dating back to 1984.

Back then, the fresh faced 20-year old gained fame by appearing in the music video for Dancing in the Dark, the first single off Springsteen’s landmark album, Born in the USA. Read the full story

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Aniston & Pitt Split, Fan Masturbation Hits New High


Hollywood – Brad Pitt has aknowleged that his “seven years in T’Bitch” has officially ended. With both Pitt and his A-list ex-wife, Jennifer Aniston back on the dating scene, surveys have shown that instances of fan masturbation are reaching new highs, indeed, bordering on epidemic. Read the full story

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