Tag Archive | "French"

Wayne LaPierre Ousted as NRA Pres for Being ‘Too Frenchy’


Wayne LaPierre, outspoken mouthpiece of the NRA has been removed from his position of Vice-President due to a large number of powerful members of the organization being opposed to his having ‘too Frenchy’ a name.

John Howitzer, Montana rancher and Guinness Book Of World Records holder of the record for most hunting guns possessed (legendarily he is said to have enough firepower to eliminate every creature in the state larger than a breadbox five times over) vocalized his opinion over the matter. Read the full story

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Intelligence Suggests France May Have a Military


Washington DC- Senior pentagon officials have released a statement where they have confirmed the long speculated existence of a French military.

“We were just scanning Africa, you know, because we were bored,” says an off the record source. “And because we were especially bored, we happened to scan over Mali. You would not believe what we found there. A French military.”

Other sources verify the claims made by US Military intelligence.

“There, in fact, seems to be some sort of military capability coming from France,” Explains Sierra Santiago of the American Red Cross.

RIGHT: Silly hats have been a clear distinction of tracking down French military personel.
(CLICK TO ENLARGE)

“We were just responding to a request of the Malian government in regards to prisoners of war. Then it turns out, the French were the ones who captured them. Go figure.”

Although the French Military has been typically regarded as a welcoming committee by many respectable historians and the public alike.

When asked about the possibility of the existence of a French military threat, President Barack Obama responded after a brief moment of laughter. He said, “I have met with the French prime minister, and he reassured me that they did not have a military.”

Jean-Marc Ayrault, Prime Minister of France, responded by reassuring the international community that France does indeed have a capable and powerful military. He then hastily drew a picture of a tank and insisted it was satellite footage.

Secretary of Defense, Leon Panetta reassured a room full of wrestles reporters that, “ It doesn’t matter if they do or do not have a military. I remain fairly confident that it would have very little impact utilized in any capacity.”

Francios Hollande, President and Commander in Chief of the French military pleaded, “Does every one think Al-Quaeda of the Maghreb just left Gao?”

This drew nothing but blank stares from the reporters present at the press conference.

Hollande responded by exclaiming, “It’s the biggest city in Mali!”

When questioned about the ordeal, Vice President Joe Biden commented by saying, “French Military? You mean French manicure, ha. Am I right? Seriously, French military is an oxymoron. Its pretty easy to attack Libya when you got our kick ass drones backing you up.”

At this time, the speculations still remain uncorroborated with high profile arguments going either way. Although there seems to be hard evidence for the existence of a French military, there doesn’t seem to be much effect from it.

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Posted in War ZoneComments (1)

French Push For No-fly Zone; Are First To Airstrike Gaddhafi


Aren’t these the same French who everyone has been saying are military cowards? Aren’t they the same ones who went into Rwanda and put an end to the genocide there?

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French General Threatens China, then Quickly Takes it Back


Paris (GlossyNews) — French official are scrambling this afternoon in an apparent effort to appease their  enraged Chinese counterparts.

The dispute began with reports of an ill-advised boast made by General Pierre Petit on the French Riviera Monday afternoon, where military leaders were meeting to discuss national defense over wine and cheese. General Petit emphatically declared the following: Read the full story

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