Tag Archive | "flood"

Flood Warnings Issued After God Knocks Back 8 Cans of Miller Lite


INDIANAPOLIS – The national weather service has issued severe flood warnings across most of the Midwest ahead of this weekend, after His Lordship Almighty God went on a Friday night drinking binge.

According to heavenly sources, God – hosting a gathering of elite deities – knocked back eight cans of Miller Lite, as well as three glasses of complementary wine in a night of uncharacteristic abandon. Read the full story

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Hurricane Isaac, New Orleans Mulligan


New Orleans, Louisiana- As New Orleans prepares to be hit by another potentially devastating hurricane, New Orleans officials hit the airwaves proving how they will not screw this one up.

New Orleans Mayor, Mitch Landrieu stated in a press conference earlier today “We’ve totally got this one.”

U.S. Army Corps of Engineers have been hard at work making sure the impact of Hurricane Isaac will “be way, way less than Hurricane Katrina.”

Lt. James Brixton goes on to say “we are so prepared this time around, it’s not even funny. We conscripted many local beavers to help us reinforce our previously damaged and ill designed levy system. No one knows more about containing the unpredictable power of water than the wise beaver.” Read the full story

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Tibet’s Dalai Lama Takes Credit for Recent Chinese Earthquake


Lhasa, Tibet – Glossy News – The Dalai Lama has spoken up and taken credit for the recent earthquake that hit China. Citing recent ‘bad karma’ over the suppression of Tibet’s population, the Dalai Lama said he would pray for the victims, but hates the Chinese leadership for years of brutal suppression. He took credit and responsibility for the ‘Great Jump’ that sparked the earthquake. Read the full story

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