Tag Archive | "fitness"

Militant Crossfit Group Claims Responsibility in Suicide Bombing of 24-Hour Fitness

SAN DIEGO, CA. The brutal conflict between traditional, moderate fitness aficionados at franchise gyms and the growing radical Crossfit movement escalated tragically yesterday, as a suicide bomb exploded in a 24-Hour Fitness in the LaJolla neighborhood of San Diego, killing 5 and wounding 12.

The alleged perpetrator, Johhny “Burpee” Lawrence, 26, was a member of Crossfit Jihad, a militant fitness group known to meet in an extremist training facility, or what is called a “box” in Crossfit doctrine. Lawrence’s “box” trained in the garage of a local leader, or “coach,” Mick McAllister. Read the full story


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Woman’s Weight Spirals Worryingly Under Control

YORKTOWN – During the post-Christmas period, friends and relatives of local woman Angela Hartman today noted how, in the last year, the 38-year-old’s weight has spiraled worryingly under control.

Insisting that Miss Hartman “looks as if she hasn’t eaten in two weeks,” the woman’s mother Kathy says that her only daughter’s new diet – which consists of a 5-a-day serving of fruit, one daily Slim Fast shake and varying forms of meat-based salads – is a real cause for concern in the Hartman household. Read the full story


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Weight-Loss Program Guarantees You’ll Lose Interest in Under 2 Weeks

INDIANAPOLIS – As millions of Americans continue to return to post-holiday life, a controversial new weight-loss program – pioneered by a self-help guru in California – guarantees that dieters will lose interest in the program in just 2 weeks.

Launching his lifestyle book Lose Interest In Healthy Eating: 14 Days Back to the Same Old You, Dr. Allen Wilkes insisted Monday that while his methods may not appeal to everyone, weight-conscious Americans can return to an apathetic lifestyle after “two weeks of giving it their best shot.” Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, HealthComments (1)

How to Lose Weight the (Cheap &/or?) Easy Way

I meant to write this 20 or 30 pounds ago, but I wasn’t yet fully sure it wasn’t an anomaly, so I held off. But I’ve kept shedding the pounds, so I feel inclined to share. You know, for the betterment of society, but also just to brag.

Losing weight is easy. Really it is. All you have to do is take in fewer calories than you burn over the course of your day… sounds too simple, right? I’ll never sell a million books with such an obvious message, so allow me to needlessly elaborate. Read the full story


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Extreme Yoga Takes Downward Dog Turn

Health advisers are warning people of the dangers of the extreme yoga craze that is sweeping the nation.

An extreme form of yoga has been developed among a group of hardcore practitioners, in the underground yoga dens of New York, which involves various difficult postures including one where you have to turn yourself inside out.

In what is now being dubbed as Bikram-in, Bikram-out yoga, pupils are lead into increasingly difficult stretches and positions and, ultimately, the ‘inverted-you’ posture. Read the full story


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America Ranks #1 in Human Energy Conservation (Laziness)

One of President Obama’s campaign promises was to address the energy crisis. It’s one of his top priorities just after healthcare reform, job creation, education reform and improving his Baseball Opening Day Ceremonial Curve Ball (needs a lot of work).

Americans can now beam with pride because on one front, America is making amazing progress: Energy conservation.

According to a recent survey by the widely respected and completely unheard of news publication, The Daily Beast, the United States now ranks #1 in the entire world in personal energy conservation. Read the full story


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Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu

WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu.

“Let me be clear. We are not limiting these cuts to the traditional Garlic aioli,” the President told a group of reporters at the White House on Tuesday afternoon, “No. We’re cutting all kinds of aioli—Chipotle, Basil, Dill, Tarragon, even Mint, despite the fact that it goes so well over the Braised Lamb Shanks with Thyme.” Read the full story


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Chaseable Pigeons Revel in Survival-Based Fitness

Unbeknownst to most animals, they are among the chaseable creations. I have proven that even scavenger and parasite species that require our presence to survive are never more than a few rapid steps away from being chased. Research further proves that these chased critters just love being pursued. Read the full story


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