Tag Archive | "FAA"

Jet-Wheel Stowaway Forces Airports to Increase Security Illusions


SAN JOSE, CALIF. — Following a 15-year-old boy’s recent stowaway ride across the Pacific Ocean, authorities at San Jose International Airport say they plan to work with the FAA in an effort to step up their security illusions, sources report.

According to San Jose International Airport Spokesperson Janet Bavory, “Our illusions of security failed us this time. In the future, however, we vow to increase the number of pretend security measures in order to make sure that such a devastating terror attack doesn’t almost happen ever again.” Read the full story

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Crashed Military Jungle Pilot Unfound, FAA Blames Pilot Fatigues


WASHINGTON — Following an investigation into the crash and subsequent disappearance of U.S. Air Force Captain Wilbur “Willie” Rong during a non-combat mission somewhere over the Congo in Central Africa, the FAA has concluded that while the cause of the crash itself remains a mystery, the failure of search and rescue teams to locate the pilot is likely due to the pilot’s fatigues. Read the full story

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Time Indeed Flies, Airlines Unhappy


Reports that several people witnessed Time ‘flying’ have caused panic in the air-safety conscious offices of commercial airlines.

In a press release addressed to all governments and signed by all major airline unions, it has been stated that, if the sightings are true, if Time is allowed to fly without proper air clearance and regulation all airlines will ground their planes in strike.

The statement also snapped bitterly at Time, implying that the flaunting of flying time was a deliberate aggravation of the airlines pre-existent difficulties with Time.

“All airline companies have had an inability to keep a grasp on Time, often sighting that it has deliberately skipped forward three hours so that they are inundated with complaints from passengers saying their flight has been ‘delayed’. When in reality the plane has been right there on the tarmac ready for take off the whole time.” said Dr Jon Henderson who has a PHD in Time-Airline Relations (TAR).

The hastily written statement comes after several witnesses where having a fun night out in a local bar at approximately 7:35pm. Amy, 29, told us “…I checked my watch and it said 7:40pm and then when I checked again it was 9:56pm. I showed my friend Alison and by the time she looked it was 11:38pm! I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

Another witness at the scene told us he saw it in the sky ‘whizzing’ passed and felt a little ‘giddy’, “I had such a great night and for Time to fly passed was such an amazing feeling, like a whirlwind of laughing and drinking.”

Dr Hendeson speculated that the airlines are concerned about how the Time flights made people feel and that they can be enjoyed for free “…having not been able to replicate any sort of happiness within their companies, it’s tough competition for them.”

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Child Labor Ring Uncovered at JFK Airport


Queens, NY (GlossyNews) — One of the nation’s largest airports, JKF International, is being shut down temporarily while the FAA investigates allegations of an underground child labor ring being run through the New York location.

This comes less than a week after evidence was found that a veteran air traffic controller had allowed his children to direct planes for him. That news shocked many in the airline industry and prompted a full blown investigation. It was while looking into that case that investigators stumbled upon the supposed child labor ring, FAA investigator Christopher Draper said. Read the full story

Posted in Society, TravelComments (1)

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