Tag Archive | "evangelical"

Breaking – Heofon: A New Non-Secular World On The Horizon?


Topeka, KS, USA—During a special televised press briefing simulcast on FOX news and CBN this past Tuesday, a small group of faith-based engineers and Liberty University geologists, along with biologists working out of Central Christian College, as well as home-schooled technicians associated with the JPL facilities (Jesus Proselytizing Laboratory) in Cawker City, Kansas, announced the launch of an ambitious and mammoth undertaking—a project, which if fully realized will see the birth of a new man-made celestial object in our solar system. Read the full story

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Science Nears Cure for Pat Robertson


Pat Robertson, the famed televangelist, remains hospitalized with mysterious needle-like pains that grow worse every time he mentions Haiti, earthquake or Voodoo. The medical world continues to be baffled by the odd pathology. Actor Hugh Laurie of the popular “House” series has been called in for consultation, and even he has given up after ordering tests for leprosy, elephantitis and Lyme’s disease. Read the full story

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Oral Roberts Moves to Heaven in 3-Way Yankees/Phillies Trade


Tulsa — Granville Oral Roberts was traded to heaven in a reported three-way deal with the New York Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies, one of whom reportedly stated after the World Series, “I’d sell my soul to play for the Yankees.”

Some are claiming God may have violated the terms of an ill-fated 1986 agreement in which Roberts would be claimed on waivers to heaven if he didn’t raise $8 million for missionary work and convert souls at a .280 average or better. Read the full story

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Church Declares Halloween ‘Demonic’, 5 Old Ladies Shocked


A Smegmashire Church of England magazine – the Avenging Angel – has drawn severe criticism from the laity for describing people participating in traditional Halloween celebrations as “siding with the Devil”.

The Avenging Angel article also claims the children’s practice of ‘trick or treat’ is based on extortion and blackmail and encourages kids to pursue criminal careers as stockbrokers, bankers and politicians. Read the full story

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Dr. Rick Warren in Orbit with God


NASA Headquarters, Houston, TX –by BobZaguy Evangelical pastor Rick Warren has taken on the quest that will bring him into planetary orbit, the ultimate God-like experience. This is an attempt to orbit with the planets, hoping to replace Pluto, whose name is an alternate for Hades, the Greek god of the Underworld. Read the full story

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