Tag Archive | "end of the world"

Zombie Apocalypse lasts for 3 minutes


Washington, D.C.- Following an alarming number of calls to the CDC, FBI, and NSA, security analyst have concluded that the zombie apocalypse came and went without any causalities and $0 in property damage.

Current Secretary of Defense, Chuck Hagel, spoke on the matter, “Around 5:03 a.m. eastern standard time, a zombie uprising started near Deer Lick, Kentucky. The uprising promptly ended 3 minutes later, apparently due to the fact that zombies lack muscle tissue.”
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Posted in Health, World NewsComments (9)

World Disappointed Apocalypse Didn’t Come December 2012


It is hard to believe that is has been almost a year since the world ended December 21, 2012. There are plenty of memories we would all like scrubbed from our brains over the past year. Here are just a few in a long list of forgettable moments.

December 4, 2013: NBC News states that America is “21th in Science.” It was to everyone’s surprise that the USA ranked 17th in Reading. This was proof of the ever declining IQ of the average American. Read the full story

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Posted in EntertainmentComments (1)

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Visible from Space


Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble.

One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America.

Scientists would have been completely in the dark as to the owner of the footprint if not for the letters “GORE” on the bottom of the foot. Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (5)

Forget Doomsday Prophecies; Beer Prices are Skyrocketing


SOMEWHERE, USA (GlossyNews) — Another Friday the 13th came and went without incident. It’s as if the Universe doesn’t take itself seriously anymore. Mars can run retrograde and Saturn can be humping Venus (relatively speaking of course) and still life goes on without so much as a blip.

Until now. Quietly staying behind in the shadows was the bad news of the century waiting its turn to slap the face of every serious beer guzzler out there. Thursday’s business section, August 12th, jumping the gun on every conceivable Friday the 13th doomsday scenario, “The price of a pint may be going up 40%!” Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, TelevisionComments (0)

FEMA Releases Prep Guide for an Extinction-sized Meteorite Impact


WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — The thought of an approaching meteor the size of Manhattan is certain to cause anyone a fair amount of anxiety.  However, you can provide some level of comfort to your family by attempting to prepare for this once-in-a-billion-years event. 

Small objects are constantly colliding with the earth every day, and most go unnoticed.  Large meteors however will very rarely cross Earth’s orbit but one can never be too prepared for the “Big One”. 

The Federal Emergency Management Agency has released simple recommendations that will guide you in avoiding the apocalyptic devastation that astronomers tell us isn’t a matter of “if” but rather “quite possibly any day now Read the full story

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Posted in Health, ScienceComments (0)

21/12/2012: Oprah-Geddon Approaches


2012 is coming – approaching fast. A time to be afraid – very afraid – as the threadbare cliché goes. Actually I’d advise you to be more than very afraid – shit-scared would be more appropriate, in point in fact.

21/12/2012 – the end of the World as we know it – and all thanks to Oprah Winfrey. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (0)

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