Tag Archive | "Egypt"

Morsi’s Democracy (Song Parody, NSFW)


This parody of ‘Chinese Democracy’ by Guns ‘n’ Roses is dedicated to everyone who has ever stood up to political Islamists. 

If the theocrats really do believe hellfire exists, then every moment of their life should be one of the utmost terror and foreboding.

Hellfire awaits the Jihadi

Gonna find out for yourself

Endless torment, Jihadi

You’re gonna leave this world,

Cast down forever below the earth

 

Rotten pigfucking missionary

Crack-smoking Dawahmongering visionary

Hatin’ on them pesky gays ‘n’ Jews

Hellfire is for those who lose

I know that you’re a worthless prick

An enchanting story-peddling dick

Blame it on the Coptic guys

You will meet your end and greet the flames of hell now

 

Yeah subhuman vermin shit like you

Gonna win your virgins by raping?

But even with a little dried-up dick

All you got left is masturbation

I’m gonna gas the rats, is it really really such a crime?

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Cause it would take longer than eternity

To consummate your vile damnation

Even with your tearful eyes

Satan smirks at your masturbation but all you got is

Damnation for all time

 

Your bullshit don’t really matter

You’ll discover hellfire for yourself

No you don’t really matter

So you can hear your judgment from

Somebody else

 

Keep your broke-ass lil fuck puppet locked up inside

Beat her, choke her, rape her, hear your children cry

She’ll come and haunt you in your prison cell

And she’ll choke you! Blazing barbed wire in hell

Nothing can ever make you stop

Hell’s torments, he screams, your eyes will pop

No more hypocrite’s repentance

Cos you’re forever out of time!

 

Posted in Music, World NewsComments (0)

General Mills Out of Egypt: We’re Not Coup-Coup for These Cocoa Puffs


International food conglomerate and global diabetes proponent General Mills this week announced that they’ll be shuttering operations in Egypt, following unrest, citing “things to cuckoo even for us.”

The 2nd largest buyer of corn syrup in the history of the world announced this week that they’ll suspend manufacturing of “hearty, nutritious, vitamin fortified breakfast cereals” in the “land of three massive pyramids” citing unrest, looting, and to the least extent, the burning down of their factory. Read the full story

Posted in Biz News, World NewsComments (0)

Egyptian takeover not a “coup”; ketchup still a vegetable


Is the military takeover of the democratically elected government of Egypt a coup d’état? Is ketchup a vegetable? If the military takeover in Egypt is a coup d’état, U.S. law requires the suspension of $1.5 billion in aid per year, second only to the more than $3 billion annual gift to Israel. If ketchup is not a vegetable, U.S. school meals may be violating nutritional guidelines. Read the full story

Posted in Top StoriesComments (0)

To Avoid Political Scandal, Devoted Wife Teresa Heinz Kerry Becomes Ill


Just as the media started to descend on Secretary of State John Kerry for vacationing aboard his yacht while Egypt crumbled, his wife had some sort of mysterious seizure taking the spotlight off him.

“My wife is so wonderful she even pretended to be sick”, a teary eyed Kerry said to an unnamed source. “She took some drugs that cause seizures when combined with alcohol and it’s very difficult to find this drug in her system with standard tests!”

Kerry was just starting to be attacked by the news media for taking a Nantucket vacation as Egyptian President Mohammed Morsi was violently overthrown from office. The tactic of having his wife become ill has been described as “brilliant” by political analysts.

“Rather than appearing not to care for his job, he now seems like the devoted and caring husband!” said analyst Joe Shempke. “Perhaps he had the ‘sick wife’ thing in his back pocket for just such an occasion!”

74 year old Teresa Heinz Kerry’s condition has been upgraded to good after arriving at the hospital in critical condition.

Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (0)

Egyptian President Says He is “Too Cool for School”


Egypt’s young people are outraged following President Mohammed Morsi’s announcement that he is “Too cool for school.”

Morsi reportedly made the declaration before a crowd of fifth graders during a school visit in the Cairo suburbs meant to promote Egypt’s new constitution.

As the students reeled in surprise, the president proceeded to don a sombrero and dance out of the building while waving the peace sign. Read the full story

Posted in World NewsComments (1)

Mubarak ‘Mummy Movie’ Planned for 2013


Famed Egyptian director, Khairy Beshara, has announced his plan to film a number of features about an undead Hosni Mubarak who wreaks havoc on his countrymen.  The first in the horror series will be Curse of Mubarak The Mummy: A New Arab Awakening.

“I got the idea while I was staring into Mubarak’s cage: What will happen if he dies during his trial? There will be no justice,” says Beshara, who promises justice will be served in full force in the movies. Read the full story

Posted in Entertainment, Talky PicturesComments (4)

America Once Said We’d Teach The Arabs About Democracy


….now it looks as though the ones in North Africa could teach us a lot about it.

Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (0)

Cheney Comes Out in Support of Mubarak


An American dictator comes out in support of a buddy dictator which is an indication that there must be a strong social network of dictators that many don’t know about. Just like Hitler being bosom buddies with Mussolini, Franco and Stalin, this is proof that birds of a feather flock together. Read the full story

Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (0)

Cairo Chaos Bad for Business


Egypt has long been considered the least interesting of Middle East nations. Although respected as the originator of massively silly public works projects, its modern political system has been as constant as the Sphinx. All that changed this week as thousands took to the streets in a defiant bid for something more relevant than ‘everybody gets to vote but not everybody gets to run for office.’ Read the full story

Posted in Biz NewsComments (2)

Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull


An Egyptian court has sentenced a schoolteacher to 300 hours of community service work for beating a pupil to death because he had not done his homework.

Maths teacher Atilla bin Atwatt threw the 15 year-old schoolboy out of the third floor classroom window as an example, to impress on other pupils their responsibility to hand homework assignments in on schedule. Read the full story

Posted in Kidz Zone, SocietyComments (2)

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