Somewhere in Cave – A new video has been released by Al Jazeera that they claim has come directly from Osama bin Ladin in which bin Ladin emphatically states that in no way was the recent attempted NY bombing the work of one of its operatives.

Bin Ladin specifically refers to the way the “bomb” was put together by saying that the training their operatives receive don’t involve the use of that much duct tape. In fact, bin Ladin goes so far as to say that if he didn’t know better, he’d think this guy got his training by watching the American show “America’s Dumbest Criminals.” Read the full story

Trouble on the American Idol set already? It’s rumored that Randy Jackson let slip a little secret. He had asked his lawyers to add rolls of duct tape to the usual list of things in his contract he’d need while sitting through some of the worst singing of his life. He also asked for specially designed ear wires that work to take away distracting background noise so that he could focus on the task at hand. Read the full story

Washington, D.C. – It was announced today by a Republican Party spokesperson that commencing immediately, rolls of duct tape will be made available, at the entrance to the House and Senate chambers, to those Republican lawmakers who cannot seem to control themselves. “While healthy debate is encouraged in most instances, we find it necessary to impose a form of restraint at this point in the juncture on those lawmakers who are so passionate as to dishonor Congress,” said Lucy Lipsingships, Secretary of the House Decorum Committee. Read the full story