BURLINGTON, VT—Yesterday, neighborhood cat, Nella Watson, revealed that she’s finally on the road to recovery after a long battle with Catnip Abuse.

When asked what started her addiction to what’s colloquially referred to as “Nip” in the Feline community, Nella claims that being held like a prisoner in her own home led her down the path of abuse and Nip addiction. Read the full story

Honolulu, HI (GlossyNews) — Acerbic Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu hospital this morning for what doctors say is an overload of ‘bile’.

Limbaugh’s press spokesman Carson Cobain said he had little information. “Rush usually takes off this time of year to beef up for the coming season. All I know is he’s in the hospital and it doesn’t look good. Luckily Rush can afford the best treatment in the world. He’d be screwed if he worked for Wal Mart.” Read the full story

To paraphrase Aristotle, all people desire to know: who we are; how we know; how we should live. To Socrates, the health of the state depends on the knowledge and education of its individuals. To Thomas Jefferson, a democracy is only valid and meaningful if our citizens are educated, well-informed, and qualified to make enlightened decisions. Another word, to substantiate a democracy, to raise the health and wealth of a nation and to fulfill an individual’s happiness and his or her inborn curiosity, a good education system is the answer to all of them. Read the full story