Tag Archive | "drinking"

How Many Ways Will You Take Shots/Shoots in New Orleans (comic)


We’ve all been in party situations, even if we haven’t been in unbridled places like Matazlan, Cabo or Ibiza for Spring Break. No matter, you likely know the value of a shot, even if it is second hand.

This is the story of a couple taking a weekend to New Orleans, their plans for enjoying it, and the madness that may ensue. Read the full story

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Alcoholism and Mommy Issues Meet in the Crosshairs (comic)


If you’ve ever had the opportunity to tele-commute, you surely know the joys of being drunk at work. Today, our resident cartoonist Brian K. White takes it to a new level by adding it to a whole ridiculous layer of parental forsakenness.

My mom loves grand-daughters. Loves them to bits. Takes them to Disney Land, keeps them overnight, you name it. Even the 2yr-old daughter of a girl I once dated was taken to California… but my sons? No such luck.

Click on the image to see it full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Flood Warnings Issued After God Knocks Back 8 Cans of Miller Lite


INDIANAPOLIS – The national weather service has issued severe flood warnings across most of the Midwest ahead of this weekend, after His Lordship Almighty God went on a Friday night drinking binge.

According to heavenly sources, God – hosting a gathering of elite deities – knocked back eight cans of Miller Lite, as well as three glasses of complementary wine in a night of uncharacteristic abandon. Read the full story

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Posted in Environment, ReligionismComments (1)

7-11 Guy Says You Drink Too Much (comic)


If you’ve ever wondered if you’re drinking too much, look inwards, towards your liver, and find the answers. If that doesn’t work, you can also just wait until the people selling you your poison of choice tell you that you need help.

It’s exceptionally rare for those selling liquor to tell their patrons they need help – if they did, they’d go out of business – but sometimes it happens.

Click on the cartoon to see it full-size.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Posted in Comics, HealthComments (0)

Smells Good Enough Not To Eat


A study carried out by the US government has, today, published findings that show although perfume smells great, it, in fact, tastes disgusting.

Research, that took over 17 years to complete, shows that of the 6,789 participants only 1.2% felt that perfume tasted nice.

Dr Handel, who was one of the major contributors to the project, said: “After years of study and hard work we can finally conclude that perfume tastes bad.” Read the full story

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Posted in ScienceComments (1)

Biggest Moon This Year May Cause Record Drunkenness on Cinco de Mayo


A new warning from the Astronomers Sociological Studies (ASS) group is being circulated around college campuses nationwide advising that this month’s full moon on May 5th may have a stronger gravitational pull than any in past months. An ASS member claims this could have a detrimental effect on one of the biggest drinking holidays of the year, Cinco de Mayo. Read the full story

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Get Drunk… It’s for the Children!


A lot of different communities have started a recycling program, commonly called “Cans for Kids.” The concept is to collect and recycle aluminum cans and have the proceeds go towards things such as children’s education.

Many of these programs have had a significant impact on education, providing college scholarships, funding arts programs and providing better quality education materials. Read the full story

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Frumpy Reclusive Woman Blossoms at Local Drinking Establishment


ANN ARBOR, Michigan (GlossyNews) — The hare lip on 50 year old Mavis Blakely’s face was very large and the sight of it scared many eligible suitors away from her in her lifetime. Many thought it prevented her from living an otherwise normal life. But Mavis claims it has helped greatly in other ways…

“Through the years I’ve saved over 300 innocent lives by preventing very drunk guys from driving home after the bars close,” claims Mavis. Her gestures with a lit cigarette left trails of smoke rings around her red hair, as her eyes flitted around the dim bar. Read the full story

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College Freshman and Brewing Company Discover Social Anxiety Disorder Cure


LOS ANGELES, CA — Martin Freneticksburg, a college freshman, found himself diagnosed with social anxiety disorder last September after he pledged to a fraternity only to crumble under the ridicule and embarrassment of the customary hazing. Martin is not alone. Doctors say this experience is becoming more common in young adults, especially females. Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, ScienceComments (2)

Alcohol ‘Protects Men’s Hearts’, Jokes Included


After hearing – and reading – so much crap for so long – that alcohol stuffs up your liver, brain cells, memory, gives you gout, causes stomach ulcers, Diabetes B – Mk 1, 2 and 3 varieties, and a plethora of other internal and external physical nasties – plus a few psychotic problems such as hallucinations, delirium tremens, galloping paranoia and psychopathic tendencies – our esteemed government are now pronouncing it’s actually quite good for you – to the extent of – and here we quote – “it protects men’s hearts”. Read the full story

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Ask Hank: My Lousy Husband


Dear Hank,

I’m a happily married 48 year old woman with a wonderful husband and five great kids.

But something’s bothering me. For the last six months my husband has been coming home late several nights a week with liquor on his breath, his suit disheveled, lipstick stains on his shirt, and nasty looking welts on his neck. Read the full story

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Posted in SocietyComments (2)

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