Tokyo, 730am. The global community was reeling in shock today after multiple disasters struck the Tohoku region of Japan in the North West Pacific Ocean. An earthquake followed by a tsunami, followed by a nuclear meltdown. As local Tohoku farmer Tonka Asahi put it, “We Nippon used to tsunami and earthcrake and radiation. But all thlee at once? Give us a blake!” Read the full story

ORLANDO, Florida (GlossyNews) — Wearied by weeks of fighting the horrendous Gulf oil spill, the U.S. Coast Guard mobilized today to battle a large leak from a giant whale in a SeaWorld theme park.

“This is massive,” said Coast Guard Admiral Thad Allen. “An animal this size naturally produces a very big leak.”

As of this morning the leak was still spreading, Read the full story

ACCRA, Ghana (GlossyNews) — According to local officials in Ghana, at least 32 miners from Dunkwa Akyempim are feared dead after the gold mine they were working in collapsed from torrential rains. Although the accident occurred on Sunday, rescue efforts were hindered by flooding. International excavation experts say that because the mine was constructed as a pit, the influx of water would likely have pooled at the bottom and drowned the men within hours. Read the full story

New Orleans, LA (GlossyNews) -– Oil executives returned back to their home-away-from-home in Louisiana after a grueling week in front of a Senate investigative panel to answer tough questions about the ongoing oil spill problem in the Gulf of Mexico. They decided to unwind at a favorite local dining establishment, the Bayou Bourgeois Bistro that evening.

The Bayou Bourgeois Bistro, situated on the water in the small town of Thibodaux, Louisiana, is a favorite among locals and tourists alike for its ability to serve up some of the best authentic Cajun cooking in Louisiana Read the full story

Somewhere (GlossyNews) — Wednesday was a hotbed of psychic activity as readings poured in from all over the country from psychics warning that “something big” is coming down the pike. They could not hone in on exactly what it was, but said “it is big, really big.” Read the full story

POMONA, CA (GlossyNews) — Captain Clarence Oveur, an aviation legend, has died of a heart attack. He was 83.

Oveur was one of the heroes responsible for the successful landing of distressed Trans American flight 209 to Chicago in 1980. Read the full story