Tag Archive | "dick cheney"

Mix-up in Hell Has Satan Sending More than One Anti-Christ to Earth


HOLLISTER, California (GLossyNews) — Satan is said to be madder than hell at his minions this week after he learned that more than one, and possibly as many as eight Anti-Christs have been unleashed upon the Earth during the past century.

Harry Scarem, a demonologist from California was able to ascertain this after a particularly grueling satanic ritual over the weekend wherein Satan personally appeared for a few moments to explain the error. Said Satan, “I would have sent one of my minions, but they are all idiots.” Read the full story

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Greek Austerity Plan Revealed – The Gods are Not Pleased


ATHENS, Greece (GlossyNews) — Today on Mt. Olympus, hearts were broken, tears were shed, and millennia long careers ended as the news was made official. In obedience to the EU bailout plan, Greece has reluctantly agreed; lots of gods and goddesses gotta go.

Delivery of the sad news fell to Minister for Deity Liaison Aristotle Gotapopolis, who later told Glossy News the reaction was decidedly mixed.

“Hera, she knew it was coming, Read the full story

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Far Right Kicks Off ‘Cheney For Dictator’ Campaign


UNDISCLOSED LOCATION in Northern Southern Wyoming (GlossyNews) — The wheels are already grinding under the Dick Cheney for Dictator campaign of 2012. The former President of Vice of the United States announced his candidacy at a meeting of Corporations For Keeping America Under Our Thumbs’ convention in New Orleans.

Cheney’s opening speech contained many gems that had the crowds standing and cheering such as “I will bring to bear the iron fist that America so badly needs”, Read the full story

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Dick Cheney Has Oil on His Hands in Louisiana


Jackson, WY (GlossyNews)b– “Oh what an oily mess we make when kickbacks from Halliburton we do take,” should have screamed the headlines in this morning’s newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media outlets to pick up on the story of Halliburton’s very real involvement in the construction, and ultimate destruction, of the oil platform owned by British Petroleum were the liberal news outlets. And we know what that means…liberals are always looking for a way to bring down Dick Cheney. Read the full story

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Cheney’s Heart Conducts Preemptive Attack — Expects to Be Greeted as Liberator


WASHINGTON (GlossyNews) — On February 24, 2010, former U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital, three days after suffering his fifth heart attack. A spokesman said that the 69-year-old Cheney, known as “Angler” to his friends, will resume his normal schedule soon. The announcement filled those close to the family with an ironic mixture of relief and dread. “I’m glad he’s won another game of chess with the Reaper,” one friend said, “but if he’s resuming his normal schedule, we’ll soon be receiving invitations to ‘tie one on,’ pick up hitchhikers and go dove hunting; or what Dick likes to call Tuesdays.” Read the full story

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Bush/Cheney 2012 – The Next Generation


Dick Cheney is said to be planning a not-so-surprise comeback for the 2012 presidential election, and he’s doing it this time vicariously through his daughter, Liz Cheney. Due to his dissatisfaction with the way the conservative party has so far been running (or not running) things, Cheney has again decided that the only way to get things back on track is to re-infuse some pure Cheney/Bush blood into the race. Read the full story

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Liz Cheney Calls Rachel Maddow “Hot”


This past week the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) got underway in Washington, D.C., and there were no real surprises in front of the cameras, save for that magical moment when Dick Cheney appeared out of nowhere to chants of “Run, Dick, Run.” Read the full story

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Toilet Paper Nation–Youngest Grassroots Movement to Take on Washington


Butte, MT – A new right-wing fringe political movement calling itself the Toilet Paper Nation or (TPN) is the latest and youngest grassroots movement to go after what they believe is a Washington that is out of touch with the youth of America. The movement, made up of mostly high school sophomores, has a simple message for Washington’s business as usual, “Washington, Sh*t or Get off the Pot.” Read the full story

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Can’t Stand Dick Cheney?


Get in on the action. Anonymous Donor has just offered $1 Million to the first person to come up with a plan to wipe that “Smug Ass Look” off Dick Cheney’s face.

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Dick Cheney Tapped to Fill Retiring Satan’s Seat


In a surprise move Sunday, Satan, the Prince of Darkness, announced his retirement citing that after thousands of years of initiating pestilence, wars, catastrophes and general mayhem, he was ready for a break.

“The job wears you down.” the Great Evil One said in a rare interview yesterday. “The fun goes out of it after a while. It is time to turn it over to some one new to run.” Read the full story

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Right Wingers Send The Obamanator Back In Time To Set Things Right


January 2013- Republicans, their plans for world domination foiled by the overwhelming win in the presidential election that again brought Barack Obama to the throne of the most powerful country in the world, are upset. In anger over their bitter loss, the right wingers have initiated a plan to return them to power. Pooling their vast resources into a secret project overseen by the Halliburton Robotics Division they have invested great time, energy and money into building a specialized cyborg to go back in time and rid the world of Obamaism. Read the full story

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Country Still Thinking with Its Penis


Washington DC (with reports from elsewhere) — Almost since time has been recorded, “mine’s bigger than yours”, or m-b-t-y, has been on the lips of every aggressive type-A male in the United States.

Our country’s presidents are no exception. Sometimes leading the pack of type-As out there in the quest to settle the argument once and for all. European males still solemnly claim to think with their hearts and minds as their basis of governing. Read the full story

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Halliburton And The Carrots, Holds the Sticks


Bogota, Columbia – In an unusual development in the strife-torn South American country of Columbia, the giant war machine known as Halliburton seems to be growing food. Over the past 6 months, on advice from a high-level undisclosed source, the company has planted the equivalent of 2500 square miles of garden carrots to replace the growing of cocoa plants in conjunction with the US and Columbian governments’ drug replacement policies. Read the full story

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2003 Photo of Cheney May Explain Plame ID Outing


Since 2003, many groups have claimed that Dick Cheney was the person at the forefront of leaking the name of CIA agent Valerie Plame to the media, thereby blowing her cover and forcing her to end a long and successful career with the CIA. Although Cheney denies this claim, a recently surfaced photo may help to explain Cheney’s inability to recall certain events leading up to the outing of Plame’s name. Read the full story

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Darth Cheney Memoirs Basis for FOX-TV Reality Show


UNDISCLOSED, DELAWARE – Former VP Dick “Darth” Cheney announced today that he has retained the Trump Organization and The Donald as co-executive producers of his new “Memoirs” reality show to air on Fox this fall. Read the full story

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