Tag Archive | "dick cheney"

Toy Mandibles Empower Weak-Jawed Masses

Dateline: LOS ANGELES—There’s a hot new product that’s flying off the shelves. It’s called Gravitas Jaws and it consists of a crude plastic mandible bone that’s worn over your lower jaw like a beard, except that this piece of plastic has the power to force everyone to take you seriously for no good reason. Read the full story


Posted in Gadgets & GizmosComments (0)

Best Costumes of White House Halloween Ball Announced

The Reuters News Service has published the results of the voting on who (and what) wore the best costumes to the 2013 Halloween Ball at the White House.

A hearty congratulations to all those who received a mention and a silver crucifix to Dick Cheney in the hope that he won’t be disturbing us in our dreams anymore.

RIGHT: A confident Donald Trump, in costume, gives a thumbs-up to photographers at the White House Halloween bash.(Graphics appear courtesy of M. J. Carlucci.) CLICK IMAGE TO ENLARGE. Read the full story


Posted in Strange PeopleComments (2)

November Surprise: Bush Hysterically Backs Barack

GlossyNews.com – In a surprise move, George W. Bush has endorsed Barack Obama in today’s election.

“I know you all must think I’ve been drunking crazy-water,” said Mr. Bush. “But the more I looked at that Barry fellows record, the more I realized that we have a lot in common. We both created trillion dollar deficits, both had to deal with ongoing wars [in Iraq and Afghanistan] and both had to spend a lot of time cleaning up bushes.” Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (5)

Poll Results Indicate Dick Cheney More Evil than Vlad the Impaler

A recent poll asked participants to name who they thought was the most evil person in history. The results, while not entirely surprising, did say a lot about just how unlikeable Dick Cheney has become over the years.

What was surprising to some was the fact that Cheney didn’t top the list at number one, but that could be due to the fact that some of the participants were actually Republicans. Read the full story


Posted in Human InterestComments (2)

VP Dick Cheney Injured In Freak Duck Hunting Accident

Tyler, Wyoming – (GlossyNews.com) – Ex-vice president Dick Cheney, an avid bird hunter who has helped his post heart transplant surgery by getting back outdoors, was injured in a freak accident duck hunting at one of the lakes in rural Wyoming. According to close friends, Cheney recently was out on the marsh for a weekend of hunting with friends and some staffers. As circumstance would have it, he decided to relieve himself against a pine tree… That’s when troubled brewed. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Heart Torn From Him While Living; Undead Won’t Rest Until Cheney Returns It

There are levels of Hell that even Dante did not know. (Image courtesy of outletradio.com)

Hells that are not bright and hot but with an icy cold that freezes thought itself.
Hells of place, of emotion, of mind, of other people.

And there are places on earth where these Hells break through to the surface and there manifest. Read the full story


Posted in HealthComments (0)

Dick Cheney Voted ‘Worst President Of All Time”

Polling across the world has indicated that many people, especially in America, consider Dick Cheney to be “the worst President in history.’

Cheney, using someone named ‘Bush’ as a front man, controlled and manipulated U.S. political procedure to the point of near-dictatorship. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (1)

McCain To Run For President in 2044

Burning Candles, Arizona (GlossyNews) — The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

Former GOP presidential candidate John McCain will launch another bid for the White House in 2044, and is “firmly committed to running a vigorous, full-steam ahead” campaign. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Top StoriesComments (0)

New Donor Cards Provide Cheney Opt-out Option

Bending to demand from potential organ donors, the World Organ Donor Bank, which issues organ donor cards, has printed a box on their cards that allows donors to opt-out when it comes to donating a heart to Vice-President and war profiteer, Dick Cheney. It reads: Could you ever be dead enough to allow Dick Cheney to get your heart? Check YES or NO. Read the full story


Posted in War ZoneComments (1)

Dick Cheney’s Heart Transplant Not Going Exactly As Expected

Surgeons have had great difficulty with fitting former President of Vice Dick Cheney (aka- ‘Tricky Dicky the Second’) with a transplanted heart. Each attempt to put a foreign heart into the open breast of Mr. Cheney has resulted in rejection- not Mr. Cheney’s body rejecting the heart but rather in a show of patriotic, defiant, graft versus host disease sort of way, the heart is rejecting Mr. Cheney. Read the full story


Posted in Health, PoliticsComments (11)

Bush Accepted As Official Court Jester By Obama’s Cabinet

George W. was accepted on as the official court Jester for the Obama cabinet. Appearing before the assembled advisers for the first time, W. had them suppressing giggles as soon as he opened his mouth.

“I am pleased as punch to be able to make this contribution to the nation. But I thought you said I was to be the ‘Court Tester’? “ said a perplexed Bush. “I’m not sure I understand what this position is all about.” Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, PoliticsComments (0)

President Obama Stars In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

President Obama gazed down from the icy bridge into the swirling frigid waters of the Potomac below him. In the darkness of the night the distance between him and its whirlpools seemed vast. He was at an end.

The difficulties of his Presidency seemed as dark, endless and foreboding as the waters he looked down upon. The constant assault and harassment by foes, the never ending undermining by the Republicans and the slings and arrows of a thousand misfortunes pulled the earth itself out from under him. Now even his own party was turning against him. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, PoliticsComments (2)

‘The Dick’ Cheney Gets Starring Role In ‘Dr. Strangelove’ Remake

Dick Cheney returns to the worlds spotlight this week as he appears in his first movie part–reprising the unforgettable Peter Sellers role of Dr. Strangelove in the remake of the Stanley Kubrik movie of the same name.

Sellers made cinematic history as the wheelchair-bound, ex-Nazi atomic physicist who has a problem trying to keep his right hand from making the famous “Heil Hitler” salute. Cheney, considered a natural for the role, is reported to have needed few acting lessons to ‘become’ Strangelove. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Talky PicturesComments (52)

Cheney, Inspired By “Iron Man”, Reinvents As Superhero (or Villian, Depending)

Inspired by the success and the popularity of Marvel Comics ‘Iron Man’ movie series, Dick Cheney has decided to use the millions he gathered during his tenure as the head of Halliburton and as the shadow head of the United States of America to reinvent himself as a new superhero- Oil Man.

Tired of being seen as just another greedy bastard who could do whatever he wanted he now wanted to be another greedy bastard with super powers who could do whatever he wanted. Read the full story


Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Talky PicturesComments (1)

Ex-VP Dick Cheney Injured in Serious Hunting Accident

TYLER, Wyoming – (Glossy News) -Ex-Vice President Dick Cheney is an avid hunter and has filled his time during retirement by duck hunting near his Casper, Wyoming ranch.

 According to friends, Cheney recently was out on the marsh for a weekend of hunting.  As circumstance would have it, he decided to relieve himself against a tree…that’s when trouble began to brew. Read the full story


Posted in Top StoriesComments (2)

Obama Vows to Kick Lobbyists Out of Washington Offices

Plans on Turning K Street into a Giant Dunk Tank

WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) -– Today, President Barack Obama took one of his strongest stands to date against the corporate interests dogging his efforts to bring true change to America. Not only is he planning on issuing a mandate that sends all the corporate lobbyists with offices on K Street packing, but he intends to do something no other President before him has had the guts to do. Obama is going to make each and every one of them pay for the shameful way they’ve attempted to openly buy off not only the American people, but also the government of the United States of America. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

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