Tag Archive | "debt"

We Need More Debt, Please


My cousin Penin Diaz, a used car salesman, claims to have found the solution to stimulating the economy, ending the home foreclosure crisis and reducing unemployment (or at least the loss of income due to unemployment). I unfortunately owe him a favor for marrying my sister, so I agreed to publish the following interview with him:

RIGHT: Penin Diaz has a plan to end the recession. (CLICK TO ENLARGE) Read the full story

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Fiscal Cliff Progress: Obama, Boehner Agree 16,375,434,000,001 “a Real Number”


As President Barack Obama and House Majority Leader John Boehner continue “fiscal cliff” negotiations, preliminary reports say that despite the inability of the human brain to conceptualize 16 trillion units of anything, both men have agreed to pretend that’s how much debt the U.S. has incurred.

The news comes as a relief to many Americans who have been worrying that division along party lines is preventing any real resolution to the country’s economic woes. Read the full story

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Greece Plans to Close Budget Deficit by Reloading Big, Fat Greek Wedding Franchise


Athens — After many years of embarrassing budget mismanagement leading to a debt of over 450 billion dollars, the Greek government has agreed that the only way out of their economic recession is to remake the 2002 sleeper hit My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Read the full story

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The Tea Party’s bold plans to eliminate the debt completely by December 17th


Earlier this month, after a long and contentious fight between Democrats and Tea Party Republicans, our federal government narrowly avoided its first-ever credit default. People all over the world waited anxiously to find out whether our elected officials were going to voluntarily inflict economic suicide on the nation. In the final nail-biting hours, they reached a compromise to avert disaster – much to the bitter disappointment of every Tea Party member in America. Read the full story

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Obama Reaches Out to Republican Pinheads to Solve America’s Problems


WASHINGTON – Faced with increasing criticism from within his own party about his concessions to Republicans as part of the recent debt ceiling deal, President Obama yesterday attempted to explain the reasoning behind his approach during a meeting with Democratic leaders at the White House. Read the full story

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Global Debt Crisis Eases Worries About Global Warming


NEW YORK – Despite suffering through one of the hottest summers on record, Americans are finding that their previous concerns about the possible long-term effects of global warming have been nearly eradicated as a result of their newfound fears about the global debt crisis. Read the full story

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Chinese Ports Await Massive Christmas Cash Delivery


The Chinese ports of Shanghai and Shenzhen are preparing to unload dozens of giant freighters. The ships are filled to the brim with cash made from selling Americans millions of tons of cheap junk over the Christmas holidays.

Fueled by the flashing bright colors, scantily clad models and pictures of wide-eyed children inherent in American advertising, Americans went all out by scraping cash, debit and credit cards from the bottom of their threadbare pockets in an annual ritual that on the surface looks like it was designed only to preserve China’s economic influence in the world. Read the full story

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Buying Grandkid Toys on Credit Burying Seniors in Debt


More and more seniors are seeing their overall debt to income ratio increase due to the overwhelming urge to buy toys for their grand kids on credit to keep them in their good graces.

According to a study, a large majority of seniors 60 and over lost a good portion of their retirement savings during the last financial institution crisis. In addition, many are making large payments on homes that are worth less than the mortgage balance due to the housing crisis. Read the full story

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