Tag Archive | "Chicago"

Cutler Under Fire: Post Game Tweet about Aaron Rodgers over the line?


Jay Cutler of the Chicago Bears is under fire again, but this time for more than just his turnovers. After losing to Green Bay Sunday night the embattled QB tweeted, “Aaron hasn’t spanked anyone that hard since his gay roommate moved out.” Read the full story

Share

Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Sports ScandalsComments (5)

Roving Bands of Children Rule Chicago


CHICAGO- While the teachers strike is in full swing, the closing of public schools has allowed roving bands of children to compete for supremacy on Chicago’s streets. While reports are unclear which group has gained the most territory, it is understood that there are power struggles through out the city.

The children, ranging from ages 5 to 17, have organized themselves in to small militia groups based on preexisting gang affiliations. Read the full story

Share

Posted in EducationComments (0)

Striking Teachers Demand Smarter Students


Share

Posted in Making HeadlinesComments (0)

FBI says Weather Forcaster is Passing Drug Code


CHICAGO —BobZaguy A local Chicago weather forecaster was arrested by the FBI Drug Unit during WFMT’s Friday 10:00 AM local news broadcast. The charge was transmitting drug messages over the public air waves, a federal crime punishable by 5 to 10 years in prison.

WFMT, an FM station, is the classical music station for the city. The news and advertising policy for the station has long been that the on-air person reads everything. This is not a “jingles and jokes” type of broadcast operation. They are serious here. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Top StoriesComments (0)

Chicago’s Famous Wrigley Outsources Its Mints to Canada – The Horror


CHICAGOLAND, Illinois
(GlossyNews) —

The horror! The horror!

This is a quote from Heart Of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, the short story that inspired the movie Apocalypse Now. It is also a quote on the tongues of many Chicagoans when they found that their Life Saver mints, a product staple of the eternal Wrigley Company, a bastion of Chicoagoan enterprise, is now being made in Canada.

The horror! The horror! Read the full story

Share

Posted in Biz News, TravelComments (0)

Study Reveals Jobless Feel Frustrated


WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Delores Delgado, Under Assistant Secretary for the Obvious today held a joint news conference with NIH director Dr. Gary Carey, to announce results of a five year research project many found alarming and disturbing.

Per the $180 Million study, it appears that people don’t enjoy being without jobs, and are highly pissed about it, Read the full story

Share

Posted in Human InterestComments (0)

Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’


Chicago, IL – For the third time in as many days, Chicago Police Department forensic analyst Ted Hatcher confessed to being unable to magically extract high definition pictures from damaged, out-of-focus, and low resolution images.   Hatcher’s failure was met with disbelief and disappointment by police detectives and crime scene investigators standing around him in his unreasonably dark forensics lab. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Crime, TechnologyComments (2)

Detroit Dismantled And Moved To Chicago


What is left of the city of Detroit was dismantled and shipped to Illinois this week. The Motor City, long beset by declines in the automotive industry and general economy, has given up the ghost as a separate city entity and will be rebuilt as a new suburb of Chicago called ‘Floyd’. The once proud Midwestern City that saw its heyday as the center of American automotive might has long languished from the onslaught of foreign cars that are smaller, more compact and reasonably priced, much like the foreigners themselves.

The whole endeavor is a slap in the face to the remaining Detroitonians. Read the full story

Share

Posted in Biz NewsComments (0)

Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial