VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate.

I thought I had 2012 sealed in a jar with the Birth Certificate issue but that was blown away when he made it public last week. Much to my displeasure, I had to take all the credit for that reveal. But we lost our one best universal hate. All we, as a country, had left to hate was bin Laden — now a dead bin Laden. What’s to hate there?” Read the full story

An American dictator comes out in support of a buddy dictator which is an indication that there must be a strong social network of dictators that many don’t know about. Just like Hitler being bosom buddies with Mussolini, Franco and Stalin, this is proof that birds of a feather flock together. Read the full story

Surgeons have had great difficulty with fitting former President of Vice Dick Cheney (aka- ‘Tricky Dicky the Second’) with a transplanted heart. Each attempt to put a foreign heart into the open breast of Mr. Cheney has resulted in rejection- not Mr. Cheney’s body rejecting the heart but rather in a show of patriotic, defiant, graft versus host disease sort of way, the heart is rejecting Mr. Cheney. Read the full story

George W. Bush’s best-selling memoir, Decision Points, has been described as an unconventional narrative and a “groundbreaking new brand of memoir.” Rather than detail his life in chronological order, President Bush chose to center on the “fourteen most critical and historic decisions in [his] life and public service.” Read the full story

WALT DISNEY WORLD, Florida (GlossyNews) — In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of the Revolutionary War. In this parallel universe, personalities and characteristics remain the same, but the environment, the historical time and the circumstances have changed.

The two men meet on the street, glance around to make sure no one is looking, then sneak into an alley to talk secretly. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. (GlossyNews) — Texas Representative Joe Barton’s strange apology to BP CEO Tony Hayward for the government imposed $20 billion escrow account to repay damages caused by the Deep Horizon oil spill continues to spark controversy. The ill-fated gaffe was uttered on June 17, but after seven days and several subsequent apologies for apologies, Barton’s comments continue to sour public opinion, further jeopardizing the Republican Party’s chances to capture additional seats in Congress this November. And today, fellow Republican Joe Scarborough dragged the incident right back into the limelight. Read the full story

Glossy News Future Take: Year 2024 — Most political analysts look upon the 2012 Obama-Palin campaign as the start of the anarchy that now besets us. Originally known as the second Obama-McCain campaign, Palin soon eclipsed her boss in popularity as was well-remembered by the 98% female majority in the House and Senate that is now disbanded.

McCain’s mysterious demise two days into his Presidency started the path of female dominance. Read the full story

Greetings fellow Americans (Queue in Picture of Karl Rove in Lederhosen)–

Are you one of the millions of downtrodden Americans who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of the bad luck cycle with my new book “Weaseling Your Way To Success!”

As a child I was unattractive, unpopular and as dorky as Popeye Read the full story

Sarasota, Fla (GlossyNews) — Markets around the world were rocked today with news of the imminent foreclosure on Hell by a consortium of major international banks. The announcement came only after months of failed negotiations between Satan and the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions to reach an agreement with creditors on the restructuring of Hell’s dept.

“Isn’t that a kick in the teeth,” said Beelzebub, official spokes-demon for the Associated Minions of the Nether Regions. Read the full story

Cologne, Germany (GlossyNews) Glossy News Headquarters, Europe — The following document was retrieved from the ‘Reject’ files in the Glossy News Interchange in Cologne, Germany. Upon retrospect it offers interesting insights into our present political life in the US:

Unusual Nostradamus Writings Found

February 23, 2003- Historical researchers have discovered a new prophecy by the famous sooth sayer of the Middle Ages, Nostradamus, hidden away in a 500 year old book in a German University library. Apparently the newly found verse might be about a future Presidential elections here in America. Read the full story

CRAWFORD, TX (GlossyNews) — Family members say former U.S. President George W. Bush, now bereft of around-the-clock advisors, is having trouble coping with retirement. According to insiders, without his daily briefings Bush is often stumped by life in the real world. They cited several examples, which included a recent call Bush made to former Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice to ask how to work the remote for his new plasma television. Read the full story

Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the ‘Evil Empire’, plan to have their Death Star fully operational by the 2012 election.

The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs stolen from George Lucas’s studios ans used by Vladimir Putin in his successful takeover of Russia in the late 1900s. Read the full story

In the years of the Cheney regime, the word ‘traitor’ took on new meanings unimagined by Funk and Wagnall. The original meaning Webster wrote down some 250 years ago is ‘one who betrays a trust’ — which would pretty much put the whole Bush cabinet in jail. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Former Vice President Dick Cheney blamed Americans yesterday for “being in bed with” terrorists. “The people of this nation are as much to blame as their pusillanimous, light-skinned president for delivering the head of democracy to the terrorists on a silver platter,” said Mr. Cheney when he appeared before the steering committee of the American Tea Party. Read the full story

The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’.

The Green Zone functions like a first world country having 24 hour electricity, water, sewage treatment and Read the full story

[UNDSCL'D] DELAWARE, WY – He may be the wise-ass who shoots his friend in the face; true, but he’s OUR friend-face-shooting wise-ass…

If you turn 180° from that public persona, you get this touching story about his childhood that he told at a campaign stop in 2004. A questioner asked him about any special parental memories he might have kept from his early youth. Read the full story