Tag Archive | "cheating"

Remember All that Voter Fraud? The Real Numbers Surprised Us

It is easy to grab headlines with a lurid claim –“TENS OF THOUSANDS MAY BE VOTING ILLEGALLY!”– but the follow-up, when any exists – is not usually deemed newsworthy. – From “The Truth About Voter Fraud” by the Brennan Center for Justice.

This is an attempt by guest writer Flantabulous to compile all ‘those non-newsworthy follow-ups’. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Thad “Cochroach” Cochran Now Considered Lowest Form of Politician

Jackson, MS – It now appears that Republican Mississippi Senator Thad Cochran cheated and used the lowest of political tactics in his recent Republican primary to hang onto his political power at all costs.

Fellow republicans now refer to Thadeus as “Cochroach” Cochran after the campaign his team led against his republican challenger, which lead to a very narrow victory for the politician. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Humorist Admits to Banned Substances, Lying, Coverup

[Tim Jones is a regular contributor to Glossy News and has his own humor blog called View from the Bleachers. In a shocking press conference, Jones admitted to using banned performance-enhancing substances to help him write his column. Below are excerpts from that press conference.]

“This is not easy for me to admit. But the time has come for me to finally come clean. Rumors have been swirling about my behavior in recent months. And I simply could not live a lie any longer. For the first time anywhere, I need to make a public confession to all eleven of my readers: Read the full story


Posted in Sports, Sports ScandalsComments (3)

Lance Armstrong Apologizes to Supporters, Fellow Cyclists for Getting Caught

CHICAGO, IL – In an open and honest interview with Oprah Winfrey, disgraced former cyclist Lance Armstrong admitted to doping and apologized to fellow professionals and his supporters for getting found out.

During the interview, the first part of which was screened Thursday on the Oprah Winfrey Network, a remorseful Mr. Armstrong insisted that his decision not to sue The United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) for making doping claims against him is something he “highly regrets.” Read the full story


Posted in Sports Scandals, TelevisionComments (2)

In Response to Obamacare, Medical Schools to Lower Their Standards

In order to address a growing shortage of doctors predicted under the Obamacare program, medical schools across the country have announced that they will be lowering their standards for incoming med students.

“We used to accept only the best and the brightest”, said Harvard Medical School Dean Jeffrey Flier, MD. “Now we are forced to accept anyone with a high school GPA of 1.0 or higher”.

Flier said the Obamacare program is preventing doctors from making a decent living and the smartest students have been choosing more lucrative majors.

“Malpractice insurance alone is over $350,000 a year for most physicians”, Flier explained. “Office prices are going through the roof. Working conditions have become intolerable. Not to mention the skyrocketing cost of new technologies. It’s almost impossible for a doctor to make a living anymore. You would have to be a moron to become a doctor these days. So we have started accepting morons”.

Justin Perve, a high school senior, thought his career choices would not extend past mowing lawns and raking leaves but was overjoyed to hear he had just been accepted to Harvard Medical School.

“Oh boy!” Perve exclaimed. “I’m gonna be a frickin doctor! If this don’t work out I can still mow lawns on the side!”

Other medical schools expressed displeasure at having to ‘dumb down’ their requirements but said they had no choice.

Yale School of Medicine Dean Robert Alpern said, “in this current academic climate we have no choice but to forgo the best and best and the brightest and accept the scum of the Earth.

Alpern also stated that current testing requirements which include bedside manner and examination techniques will no longer be required. And students will not be required to maintain anything higher than a D average. And the tests will be modified to enable the less-intelligent students to pass. And cheating will be allowed.

“Desperate times call for desperate measures”, said Tufts Medical School spokesperson Amelia Aierhead.


Posted in Top StoriesComments (2)

Crowd Accused of Lifting Mo Farah Over the Finish Line

An appeal has been made to the IOC to strip British runner Mo Farah of his gold medal as accusations of cheating sore higher than the elation of the athlete.

Mo Farah became the first British athlete to win a gold medal in distance running but Ethopian 5000m silver medallist, Dejen Gebremeskel and Kenyan 5000m Bronze medallist, Thomas Pkemei Longosiwa have called into question the legitimate acquisition of the Olympic gold given that the 80,000 strong crowd was cheering Farah and not them. Read the full story


Posted in Sports Events, Sports ScandalsComments (1)

Bowling Scandal Diverts Negative Attention from Tiger Woods

CHEYENNE, WY – Still recovering from the Tiger Woods scandal, the sports world finds itself mired in yet another public spectacle.

Three-time PBA tour champion Slim “Fats” Fettwanst is suing Lurlene Jenks, owner of the “Preemptive Strikes” 32-lane bowling alley just outside Cheyenne, Wyoming. Jenks stands accused of damaging Fettwanst’s equipment during a crucial moment in the final rounds of the tournament. Read the full story


Posted in Sports Scandals, SportsfolkComments (0)

Rising Porn Star Admits to Using Performance-Enhancing Altoids

SAN FERNANDO, CA — Up-and-coming porn starlet Corrine Hard was rapidly becoming a household name until she received a summons to appear before a Congressional Grand Jury to testify about her alleged use of performance enhancing drugs. Read the full story


Posted in Entertainment, Talky PicturesComments (0)

Ask Hank: My Lousy Husband

Dear Hank,

I’m a happily married 48 year old woman with a wonderful husband and five great kids.

But something’s bothering me. For the last six months my husband has been coming home late several nights a week with liquor on his breath, his suit disheveled, lipstick stains on his shirt, and nasty looking welts on his neck. Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (2)

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