SEATTLE, Washington (GlossyNews) — Instant riches have been bestowed upon Freedom From Cellular Company, the inventor of the new, anti-cell phone jamming device called “The Silencer”. This fresh creation shuts down any irritating cell phones in the users vicinity making them inoperable. It is in such demand that they can now only be found for purchase on the Internet. The Silencer will shut up any cellphone anywhere, anytime within a 30 foot radius of the user. The machine has brought blessed silence, peace and quiet to the thousands of customers who already possess them. Read the full story

AUSTIN, TX (GlossyNews) — Around 12:40 p.m. EST on March 22, the coveted Foursquare Survivor badge was awarded to hundreds of people simultaneously. Event organizers attributed the mass distribution to a glitch. Traditionally, the Foursquare staff have been very secretive about how to unlock the various badges, but told participants that the Survivor badge would be awarded to those attendees of Austin’s South by Southwest (SXSW) arts festival who made it back to the airport for their return flights. The few players who managed to survive called the situation insulting. The release of the badges to other unworthy participants drew angry protests within minutes. Read the full story

New York, NY – Since the cell phone market is maturing, where are the phone companies going to go to increase sales? The Homeless. Problem is there is no mail address to send the monthly bills, and prepaid only works for people with permanent home addresses as well. Read the full story

Sir Jarvis Armitage-Shanks, the chairman of HM Scallydale Prison’s Independent Monitoring Board, told the media that illegal phones are fuelling jailbird drug trading and turning honest penitentiaries into hotbeds of crime.

Pontificating to reporters that the only way – in his unqualified opinion – to stop prisoners using cellphones to order pizza deliveries – and arranging for their outside gangs to pull off robberies, and snuff witnesses vital to prosecutions in ongoing trials, is to employ anti-terrorist technology to jam the incoming and outgoing mobile phone signals. Read the full story