President-elect Obama today had lunch with four former Presidents- Bush 1 and 2, Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter. George Bush Sr. from habit wiped his hands with a sanitized wipe after shaking Obama’s hand. All gave him bits of advice from their Presidential experience.

Mini-me Bush showed him the secret drawer on the desk where he could quickly stash his video game if guests arrived unexpectedly. Carter suggested that he not lust in his heart. Clinton suggested he not lust in his pants. Read the full story

VARIOUSLY AROUND D.C. — GlossyNews.com Trump is really pissed — he felt that only 8 years of ‘Mission Accomplished’ was not long enough to have any impact. He said, “America needs a real someone to hate.

I thought I had 2012 sealed in a jar with the Birth Certificate issue but that was blown away when he made it public last week. Much to my displeasure, I had to take all the credit for that reveal. But we lost our one best universal hate. All we, as a country, had left to hate was bin Laden — now a dead bin Laden. What’s to hate there?” Read the full story

An American dictator comes out in support of a buddy dictator which is an indication that there must be a strong social network of dictators that many don’t know about. Just like Hitler being bosom buddies with Mussolini, Franco and Stalin, this is proof that birds of a feather flock together. Read the full story

Washington DC is filled with unelected bureaucrats who wield powerful influence behind the scenes, far away from cameras.

Glossy News sat down this week with one such powerful, unelected face, retiring Senate Marketing Liaison Bob Barnum. The garrulous, gregarious Barnum spoke at length on his career and shared predictions for the Senate’s future.

“I came here straight from Madison Avenue. ‘Walk a mile for a Camel’ had gotten me lots of attention at McMahon & Tate, but I was surprised when Bob Byrd phoned to offer me work. First thing I did was get Medicare passed. They were getting a lot of heat from Goldwater; their own fault really. They had the legislation named something like MDFLEA. Read the full story

George Bush has told his wife Laura that there is no way he is going to accompany her to any ballet, let alone a ballet titled the Nutcracker.

“Is she nuts?” asked George, who added, “no pun intended, heh heh heh.”

It is common knowledge that Laura Bush and even George’s mother, Barbara Bush, has been trying every year to get George to attend the Nutcracker Ballet but to no avail. Read the full story

WALT DISNEY WORLD, Florida (GlossyNews) — In a parallel universe to ours, one which resembles ours in every respect except times and situations are rearranged, Dick Cheney and George W. Bush find themselves back in Boston at the time of the Revolutionary War. In this parallel universe, personalities and characteristics remain the same, but the environment, the historical time and the circumstances have changed.

The two men meet on the street, glance around to make sure no one is looking, then sneak into an alley to talk secretly. Read the full story

WASHINGTON, D.C (GlossyNews) — Americans are still too fat, but obesity rates in the United States appear to be slowing, according to newly released research.

Government data show that 68 percent of U.S. adults are considered overweight, having a body mass index of 25 or higher. A third are obese, having a body mass index of 30 or higher. Read the full story

Seattle, WA (GlossyNews) — Kaitlin Greely has found her way into Tawdry Soup for the second time time this year. This time by impressing patrons at the local coffee shop and veggie deli with her deep knowledge of Rush Limbaugh’s latest positions on all things political.

In a commanding voice that began in the service line, and stretched to the two-person table Greely shared with an unknown male companion, she wowed patrons while loudly going off about Obama being a Socialist Nazi, how the oil well blowout in the Gulf is good for the environment, why we should lock up homeless people for stealing grocery carts, how Michael J. Fox is simply a herky jerky meth addict, and that if Ronald Reagan was still President, there wouldn’t be any Mexicans in America. Read the full story

Jackson, WY (GlossyNews)b– “Oh what an oily mess we make when kickbacks from Halliburton we do take,” should have screamed the headlines in this morning’s newspapers across the land. But alas, it was not to be. Instead, the only media outlets to pick up on the story of Halliburton’s very real involvement in the construction, and ultimate destruction, of the oil platform owned by British Petroleum were the liberal news outlets. And we know what that means…liberals are always looking for a way to bring down Dick Cheney. Read the full story

Mike Douglas, the young man killed by Laura Bush in a car crash in 1963, has demanded a cut of the royalties from her upcoming memoir. The book is being promoted entirely on the fact that Bush killed Douglas in a car crash and now feels bad about it. Sort of. In fact, the promo mixes up some kind of religious horseshit on top of the tragedy to make Bush come out some kind of hero. Read the full story

Greetings fellow Americans (Queue in Picture of Karl Rove in Lederhosen)–

Are you one of the millions of downtrodden Americans who have never had a lucky break? I was one too, but I am going to pass on to you how you can break out of the bad luck cycle with my new book “Weaseling Your Way To Success!”

As a child I was unattractive, unpopular and as dorky as Popeye Read the full story

CRAWFORD, TX (GlossyNews) — Family members say former U.S. President George W. Bush, now bereft of around-the-clock advisors, is having trouble coping with retirement. According to insiders, without his daily briefings Bush is often stumped by life in the real world. They cited several examples, which included a recent call Bush made to former Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice to ask how to work the remote for his new plasma television. Read the full story

WICHITA, Kansas — Soon after the September 11 attacks in 2001, U.S. President George W. Bush issued an executive order authorizing the National Security Agency (NSA) to conduct surveillance of certain telephone calls without obtaining a warrant from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISC) as stipulated by the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) of 1978. Read the full story

In the years of the Cheney regime, the word ‘traitor’ took on new meanings unimagined by Funk and Wagnall. The original meaning Webster wrote down some 250 years ago is ‘one who betrays a trust’ — which would pretty much put the whole Bush cabinet in jail. Read the full story

The Alamo, El Paso, TX The state of Texas today seceded from the United States and joined with Mexico, a nation it had once fought for independence from at the Alamo. Governor Rick Perry, disgruntled with the economic politics of President Obama and dreaming of the wonderful economic policies employed by his predecessor Bush, a former Texas Governor, carried out his threat to rent the nation by severing its second largest state away. “When Bush was President and we needed money” he commented, “we would just start a war, and poof, the economy would go gangbusters!” Read the full story

Question: With the CRU files leak, do you still believe the climate science is not settled?

Response: You (expletive deleted) son of a (expletive deleted). Did you learn that from Glenn Beck? That (expletive deleted). Anybody who can’t see the science is settled is a flat earther. Are you stupid? No, I don’t have any facts to back up my argument. However, I do have a copy of the IPCC report that I use as a door stop and I watched Al Gore win the Oscar. Read the full story