Tag Archive | "Buddha"

Manchester Bomber Meets Allah for the First Time (And Buddha Too)


Hellfire?! But I did everything you asked me to!
WTF?! You got the power cut to your head, son!
No, I did it all, your Celestial Highness. Like, for real!
Hang on, I think I’ve lost the thread here. What exactly did you think I asked you to do?
Like, killing children, attacking civilians, shredding the flesh of pregnant mothers with shrapnel and nails, and…
Quotes or it didn’t happen!

Something something something kill-the-infidels-wherever-you-see-them, something something something Dar el Harb.
Listen, boy. When you’re in a hole, stop digging.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tell them to let go of me! I’m your most loyal slave!
… WTF. Seriously, how do I even get these people?! If I wanted slaves, I would have given the earth to monkeys or some kind of vile, insect-like creature.
FUCK YOU, AL! I’M BEING FRIENDZONED!
Seriously. I’m sick of these fakers. They’re really breaking my groove. Hey Bud, how’s all that pretentious Myanmar theocracy bollocks goin’?
Same. Seriously, Al, I swear! These radical monk assholes are just sooooooooooo full of shit, man!
Some day, brother…
Some day….

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Posted in World NewsComments (0)

Woman Injured After Practicing Faulty Feng Shui


Gladys Schumwerner of Columbus, Ohio suffered a broken finger and several lacerations after the laughing Buddha she attached to a wire hanging from her ceiling fell, hitting her squarely in the left hand. It was the third in several unfortunate mishaps since Gladys decided to change her luck by re-arranging her home to allow the chi to flow more effectively. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (7)

Church Says Censoring Muhammad Violates Equal Opportunity Hate


In a classic U-turn change of mind the creators of the popular pint sized animated television show “South Park” decided to sensor their 200th episode. This preceded an almost global outcry from Muslims following the depiction of Muhammad [saw] in a brown bear suit alongside making fun of other religious figures such as Jesus and Buddha who interestingly remained ‘uncensored’. Read the full story

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Posted in TelevisionComments (1)

Holy Grail Found Inside Ark of the Covenant Inside Noah’s Ark


Astounding news continues from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed headlines this year with discovery of Noah’s Ark on Mt. Ararat. Detailed work at the site has now uncovered the most precious relics of Christendom. Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, Top StoriesComments (8)

Glenn Beck Found Naked, Confused Wandering Along Highway


New Canaan, Connecticut – Fox Television and radio personality, Glenn Beck was found wandering along Merritt Parkway close to his home in New Canaan, Connecticut early Thursday morning around 2 a.m. He was naked and confused and muttering “don’t freakin’ tread on me, don’t freakin’ tread on Glenn Beck, for I am your Savior,” and was taken to the nearest hospital for observation. He was openly weeping. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, TelevisionComments (3)

Strike By Angels Shuts Down Heaven


Heaven (GlossyNews) — A major uproar has occurred in the normally peaceful and idyllic universal subdivision of Heaven, home to famous celebrities such as Jehovah, Odin, Osiris, Allah, Zeus, Ahura Mazda, God and their flunkies Buddha, Zarathustra, Moses, Mithra and, of course, Jesus. Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, Top StoriesComments (3)

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