Ask Hank: There’s Something Mighty Fishy About this SPAM

Dear Hank;

With regards to the following e-mail I recently received (which has been shortened for the sake of brevity):

From: SENATE COMMITTEE
Sent: Wed, January 6, 2010 2:58:30 PM
Subject: Approved Immediate ATM Swift Payment

Office of the Senate
Federal Republic of Nigeria
committee on Foreign Payment
(Resolution Panel on Contract payment)
Our Ref: Fgn/Snt/Stb2010

Attn: Beneficiary

This is to officially inform you that we have verified your inheritance file and found out that why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled the obligations given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment/Lottery Winnings….

Contact person : Dr. Wilfred Bruce
Email: interswitch.dept@sify.com
Tel: +2348073022282

Also send the below information to the above address to enable them start
processing your ATM CARD.

1. Your full name
2. Phone number & fax
3. Address where you want them to send the ATM CARD
4. Your Age & Current Occupation
5. Attach copy of your Identification.

This ATM CARD payment centre has been mandated to issue out USD 5,000,000.00 as
part payment for your Contract/Inheritance/Lottery Winning Funds for this fiscal year 2010…you have to stop any further communication with any other person (s) or office (s) to avoid any hitches in receiving your payment. For oral discussion, call or email back as soon as you receive this important message for further direction and also update me any development from the above mentioned office.

Note that because of impostors, we hereby issued you our code of conduct which
is (ATM-2010) so you have to indicate this code when contacting the card centre
by using it as your subject.

Thanks.

Senator David Mark
President Senate
Federal Republic of Nigeria.

So, Hank, I am confused. I had no idea that I was to inherit anything as there is and never was any family at all. For me that is. I know there is a family in Washington DC that is very active in Nigeria. But they are not my real family. I am not related to them.

But I could use this $5 million in 2010, and even some more in 2011 too. I would be beholden to any family they want me to be claiming I have. Even the Washington one if that is what makes this happen.

What I don’t understand is what do they mean by “Identification” copy? I don’t really have something like this. I don’t even have any ‘identification’. So how do I go about getting this to attach? And most importance to me, is what do I attach to? Do I attach it to the ATM CARD payment centre?

Also Hank, what is ‘oral discussion’ they talk about? Is this a offer for sex? They say I am to stop any further ‘communication with any other person’. OK, but I am not having any with anyone now. So can I still get my inheritance? I don’t want to make any ‘hitches’ in getting payments for oral discussions, even if I don’t know what that is.

You can see my confusion by now I think. Please help me Hank, you did such a great service for my friend Arturo.

Also, one last thing here. They say this is part payment. Does that mean I get more than $5 million? Please hurry my answers Hank, and I will add something very nice to your Christmas card in 2010.

Sincerely, your new friend,
Barbedor T. Medital
(friend of Arturo Verdana Román)

Dear BTM:

First off, your name, are you by any chance Cyrillic? Anyway, onto your question. I hate to break this to you, son, but you spent probably a good part of your day reading, re-reading, picking apart and then trying to figure out how you could profit off an e-mail that is obviously spam, albeit some mighty convincing spam. I know Arturo (see Ask Hank 1-03-10) told you I had some magical powers to help you get around a seemingly phony e-mail and make some money, but the difference is, Arturo had an authentic letter from someone seeking legal counsel and well, you just got spammed. There is no $5 Mil in your future, so let’s just hope you didn’t quit your job yet.

I would like to comment on one thing though just in case an official offer of money for sex ever does come up in your life. I think we all know what “oral discussion” means, and if you are offered any large sum of money for it, you’d be a danged fool not to take it. But here’s the tricky part, the “communication with other people.” In case you haven’t heard, there are a lot of “communicable” diseases out there and I think the person who penned this e-mail was just trying to tell you that if you do have any “oral discussions,” you should protect yourself from further “communications.”

So, Barbedor, I hope I cleared this up for you (no pun intended). Perhaps you could contact your pal, Arturo, and get signed on as co-counsel on that sweet little deal he’s milking.

Yours,
Hank

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