RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (Glossy News) – News of the new Christ the King statue being erected in Swiebodzin, Poland that will be the tallest Christ statue in the world has Brazilians a bit ticked off. Brazil’s Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro has been regarded as one of the two tallest and most spectacular Christ statues in the world until now (Cristo de la Concordia statue in Bolivia is a tad taller). In fact, Christ the Redeemer is listed as one of the New Seven Wonders of the World. Read the full story

RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (GlossySports) -– While almost every Brazilian is saddened by the stunning loss of their team to the Netherlands in the quarter-final match, economists in Brazil are celebrating unabashedly, claiming that the loss has a decidedly silver lining. Read the full story

Durban, South Africa – After many complaints about the poor calls being made by the referees hired to service the World Cup 2010 soccer matches, FIFA officials have decided to hire trained monkeys to referee the remaining games.

Said one official “there is no doubt in our minds that trained monkeys will be able to do a much better job of officiating the remainder of the games instead of the morons who have refereed so far.”The American team is said to be extremely happy with the decision, as their game against Slovenia was upset by what everyone agrees was one of the most boneheaded decisions in the history of the World Cup. Read the full story

Santiago, Chile (GlossyNews) — Posted by your new South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

In a Glossy News exclusive, Maria Lopez has learned there is a crazy conspiracy where Brazil, Turkey and Iran all want to get nuclear weapons. For those of you who don’t know, nuclear bombs are dangerous. Turkey and Iran signed a deal with Brazil, where something called Uranium will get enriched, and they all get bombs to drop on their neighbors.

—Hermana, that’s not what is going on. Lula da Silva is trying to carve out a neutral ground between the gringos and that crazy retro Neo-Marxist nativist bloc currently led by Chavez. Brazil has every right to assert itself on the world stage, and try to ease tensions— Read the full story

May 8, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

In a Glossy News exclusive, this reporter has learned most of the population of Brazil is concentrated in coastal areas, and the land mass is overwhelmingly some kind of rain forest or something.

Inland Brazil, which is really really big–you’d be surprised–offers no Wi-Fi access or good places to eat. Read the full story

Blumenau, SC, Brazil – In what can only be called the biggest beer coup of the decade, the town of Blumenau, Brazil has stolen yet another world’s biggest party, this time from the Germans. When it comes to hedonism, Brazilians have the corner on the market. Read the full story