Tag Archive | "bachmann"

Michele Bachman Comes Out as Eggplant


ST. PAUL – Democrats and Republicans alike are in shock after famed Congresswoman Michele Bachmann announced her exit from the closet as a proud American Eggplant.

The move, which came after her recent decision not to seek reelection to the U.S. House of Representatives, is being called the “new, softer side” of the Minnesota firebrand.

Standing before the press corps on the veranda of her home with husband Marcus at her side and wearing a full-sized eggplant costume with a green stalk hat, Bachmann explained how she came to accept her identity as an eggplant, something she has struggled with since her early days living in a Kibbutz in Israel.

“I always saw myself as an eggplant in Israel, and believe this change is all for the better. As President Obama continues to ramp up his plans to invade our greatest ally and install Van Jones as dictator of Jerusalem, the country needs a strong advocate for its own defense.” Read the full story

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KKK Allows More Gays than Boy Scouts


The Boy Scouts of America has announced that they are considering thinking about the possibility of forming an exploratory committee to allow gays among their ranks. But the Klan has been doing that for decades.

Boy Scouts of America has long been famous for three things. Merit badges, prohibiting gays from service, and gay sexual abuse among its rank and file. And we do mean rank. Read the full story

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A Candid Peek Into Sex Lives of the Candidates


The current contenders for the 2012 U.S. presidential election have already stated their positions on a range of key issues such as the economy, taxes, education, immigration, social policy, and national security.

But one obvious question still remains. What are they like in bed?

GlossyNews recently lay down with each of the candidates for some unbridled, no-holds-barred sexual intercourse. Here’s what they had to say. Read the full story

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Bachmann Claims Decisive 0.93% Victory in Straw Poll


AMES, IA —GlossyNews At $30 each, 16,892 Iowans were trucked to Ames for a day of politickin’ (locally it’s called ‘pot lickin’) and BBQ. A grand $506,760 was the total straw vote cash take for the GOPTea in Ames, Iowa on Saturday with their straw poll. The candidates also ponied up $15K each to pitch a tent on the grounds of the poll, pumping another $120K into the coffers. This was confirmed by Matt Strawn, chairman of the Iowa Republican Party and improbably claimed namesake of the poll. Read the full story

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Bachmann Blasts Wikipedia; Google for Causing Slow Recovery


In a series of speeches the newly announced presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann blasted popular websites such as Google and Wikipedia for causing the slow economic recovery as pawns in President Obama’s grand plan for “turning our country into a nation of slaves.” Read the full story

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Palin and Bachman Go Mano-A-Mano in Nude Mud Wrestling Fundraiser


Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman bared all in a girl’s all-nude wrestling match to raise money for the Republican Party’s ‘Go For The Gold’ Presidential race. The girls decided they would put their greatest ‘ass’-ets out in public for the greater good of their party.

Having chosen to be patriotic and volunteer my services as towel boy and official mud-putter-onner, I was able to get close to the candidates (real close) while helping them during their fund raiser. (I might note here that it wasn’t just funds that were getting raised during the performance.) Read the full story

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It’s Debatable: Can the GOPTea Pull 2012 Out of Their…es (1 of 7)


DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy By now you know that 7 GOPTea members debated in New Hampshire. While the debate was held in that state, there was no intent by any participant to play to that state — rather the play was pushed to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC.

This is the first in our 7-part series on this topic. Each day for the next week we’ll cover one of the between six and eight debaters that appeared. Read the full story

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