Tag Archive | "astrophysics"

The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists

STOCKHOLM, Sweden—Last week, researchers from MIT, Cambridge, The Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, and other renowned institutions met at the World Astrophysics Conference in Stockholm, where many of the greatest minds in astrophysics debated the properties of dark matter, the existence of multiple universes, and what happens to matter as it passes a black hole’s event horizon. Read the full story


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Economy Causes Jupiter Cloud Downsizing

Boat-Upon-River, Oxfordshire, England, Great Britain (GlossyUKNews) — Professor Percy Hyde-Warf spoke from Oxford’s esteemed Council on Planetary Stuff this week on the planet Jupiter’s recent atmospheric changes. The CPS Director told reporters, “In short ladies and gentlemen, it’s those bloody Greeks that forced this on us.”

Hyde-Warf reiterated the basic principles of Econogravitationalphysics, wherein the Sun’s mass fluctuates in proportion to Earth economic stability.

“Look, I could show you all the computer models, but you wouldn’t understand them anyway, so just write down what I say. At least since the time of Galileo the planet Jupiter has had two primary cloud bands. Now it has only one. That’s because the lazy Greeks want to retire at age thirty with a full pension, and some twits were stupid enough to let Greece in the EU.” Read the full story


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Economy Forces Downsizing of Solar System

The mood was somber at Oxford’s esteemed Council on Planetary Stuff this week as yet another solar system down-sizing was announced. CPS Director Percy Hyde-Warf opened the press conference with a display of his famed wit. “I know you reporter chaps are dolts, so I’ll keep this simple. Neptune will likely have to go soon.”

Hyde-Warf went on to shed light on an obscure branch of astrophysics, and detail its near-term impact. “Newton was right, but the past decade has revealed Earth economics affects our Sun’s gravity. Read the full story


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