Harold Camping, whose prediction about the Rapture failed to materialize, has admitted using clues gleaned from the now canceled ABC series LOST to calculate the date. “I don’t know what went wrong,” he lamented, wiping the tears from his eyes with hundred dollar bills. “The clues were all there.  My math was right. I’m not sure exactly what the hell happened!” Read the full story

Machu Picchu, dusk – GlossyNews.com: After ten seconds of reciprocal nodding over candlelight, Nostradamus and Mayan elders have announced they are in complete agreement with their Donald Trump apocalyptic destruction prophecies.

“I clearly mentioned that guy in the 3rd verse of the 4th Quatrain,” declared Nostradamus, whose only failed prediction was his own death in 1566. Read the full story

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history. Read the full story

HOLLISTER, California (GLossyNews) — Satan is said to be madder than hell at his minions this week after he learned that more than one, and possibly as many as eight Anti-Christs have been unleashed upon the Earth during the past century.

Harry Scarem, a demonologist from California was able to ascertain this after a particularly grueling satanic ritual over the weekend wherein Satan personally appeared for a few moments to explain the error. Said Satan, “I would have sent one of my minions, but they are all idiots.” Read the full story

CHICAGO, IL — Spendrift T. Hwart, science historian for the Doomsday Clock group, the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists, held a press conference today to announce that it would move the hands of the clock from five to six minutes before midnight. Amidst a virtual tumultuous applause from throughout the developed world, Mr. Hwart bowed and smiled as he acknowledged that he virtually imagined the resounding notice. Read the full story

Dear Hank,

I have a serious issue that needs addressed. I’m a conservative, belong to the NRA and have just finished my bunker cause we all know what’s coming in 2012. My damn wife wants to decorate the damn thing and take down all my desert storm pictures. We will be sharing the space with our son who is two right now and our cat Sherman, but I can’t give up my plaid couch and plasma T.V. We’re heading for a divorce after 15 yrs. of marriage over this! I need help!

-Lost in Arkansas! Read the full story

2012 is coming – approaching fast. A time to be afraid – very afraid – as the threadbare cliché goes. Actually I’d advise you to be more than very afraid – shit-scared would be more appropriate, in point in fact.

21/12/2012 – the end of the World as we know it – and all thanks to Oprah Winfrey. Read the full story