WASHINGTON, DC —BobZaguy GOPTea Gov. Rick Perry of Texas has now officially been accused of causing problems by staging his “Rain Dance Prayer Services” in Texas. Weeks after the Perry Prayers were offered up in Texas, the Eastern and Northern Plains states of the US are awash in rain and flooding. As is California. Read the full story

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Chairman Steele invited Republicans to “Get on the Bus” on Friday. The RNC Chairman Michael Steele has, with his Fire Nancy Pelosi Bus Tour, removed the House Speaker from under the bus to sitting inside his bus, albeit in the back seat, but it is a nicely tricked out back seat.

It was announced by Steele that the real FNP 6-week tour would commence this week, and he promised that Speaker Nancy would be on board for at least some parts of the tour. Read the full story

FORT APACHE, Arizona (Glossy News) — Watch out Rush Limbaugh. Chief Standing Wolf, who earlier this year made certain promises to rid Arizona of non-Native Americans if they didn’t repeal their white man laws allowing only English-speaking people in their state, is on the war path again. This time, it’s Rush Limbaugh that has the Apache leader seeing red. Read the full story

PHOENIX, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Joining a rising tide of protest boycotts of the state, leaders from several prominent Mexican drug gangs announced their intention to avoid doing business in Arizona until the State Legislature reverses its controversial new immigration law.

“We regret the impact this decision will have on our valued customers,” said the spokesman for the group. “However, we simply cannot stand by and allow this patently illegal and un-Constitutional usurpation of Federal power to go unchallenged Read the full story

Gulf Port, Mississippi (GlossyNews) –A swarm of wayward marine biologists descended on this region in recent days to clear carcasses from nets and scrub what few creatures left alive they could from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Thursday.

The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, “volunteered” to assist clean-up efforts while studying environmental impacts. Read the full story

Grand Isle, LA (GlossyNews) –A team of marine biologists recovered 120 specimens of wild life from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Wednesday.

The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, volunteered to assist clean-up efforts while studying environmental impacts. While cleaning feathers and fur with dish detergent, Anne Fullerton, a student at Southern University in Baton Rouge, discovered what turned out to be a Mexican attempting to enter the U.S. illegally. Read the full story

South America (GlossyNews) — Industry insiders are saying reclusive, mysterious media titan Brian K. White has struck again, in his seemingly relentless march to replace Rupert Murdoch as the planet’s leading purveyor of nonsense.

In the wake of famed journalist Blake Pennywhistle’s mysterious disappearance, White spoke to reporters today from a secure, undisclosed location. “Nobody will miss Blake more than I. It puts a hole in my heart that will forever be there, blah blah blah. I’m glad he’s not sending e-mail to my teenage daughter any more, I will say that. I don’t think space aliens abducted Blake, mostly because I don’t know what space aliens would want with $7358 in cash that seems to be missing. Read the full story

Todos Santos, Mexico (GlossyNews) — American baby boomers, flush with money, have been making their way down to Mexico’s Baja coast for a decade or more as expatriates trying to escape the high cost of living in the United States. They’re doing anything they can to make their retirement dollars stretch while, at the same time, enjoying a better-than-average lifestyle by the ocean. So you can understand why they are more than a little peeved at their cousins still in the north, back in Arizona, who have taken it upon themselves to make things very difficult for Americans choosing to live south of the border. Read the full story

Prescott, AZ (GlossyNews) — Captain Dudley Engelbrook, 91, of Chino Valley, Arizona is seeking asylum in Greece, Iceland, and several other European countries. Years of shoddy health care combined with the loss of veterans’ benefits, says the proud veteran of the Battle of the Bulge, “made life hell” for him.

Tired of living in subsidized housing, where he was afraid to come and go and was “surrounded by psychos, thieves, druggies, racist gangsters and murderers” — and even offered child prostitutes — he decided in 2003 to rent a small, dilapidated barn from a girlfriend. Read the full story

Sedona, AZ (GlossyNews) -– Sedona, Arizona, once known world-wide as a Mecca for those looking for metaphysical experiences due to the unusually large amount of vortices (vortexes) located there, is seeing a string of unhappy visitors leave the various sites of Bell Rock, Cathedral Rock and Boynton Canyon totally dispirited and angry.

In the past few days, many seekers of peace and harmony who had planned on experiencing the powers of these spiritual wellsprings have gone away saddened and disappointed. Read the full story

Phoenix, AZ (GlossyNews) -– President Barack Obama was detained for a brief period yesterday at the Phoenix, AZ Airport by TSA officials while police determined whether or not to arrest him for not having proper identification with him at the time he touched down in their state. President Obama was in Phoenix to speak at a fundraiser for Democratic candidates willing to take on the Republicans in this year’s Senate race. Read the full story

Navajo Nation – The Navajo, Hopi, all Apache Nations and all other Native Americans who presently reside in Arizona have joined forces in an effort to show the haughty Arizona residents just exactly who has every right to be in that State.

Said Chief Standing Wolf, “it is not those of European decent who should be making the laws of this state, but we, the tribal people, who have been suppressed for too long. Read the full story

PHOENIX, AZ — Former Faux-Con presidential candidate and current Senator John McCain is running scared in his home state these days against a teabagger-type radio talkshow host who boasts of his plans to put Senator McCain down!

“Nothin’ doin’! This guy ain’t gonna take MY Senate seat away from me,” said a disgruntled McCain at a press conference today. “I’m bringin’ in the big guns here. Scott and Sarah. It’s high noon! The two top vote getters in the whole country are comin’ in to help get me — yes, me, re-elected.” Read the full story

Now here’s a breaking news story to warm the cockles of your heart and make you proud to be American.
Oh yes, enough to inspire you to shout out loud from the rooftops and declare “See, I told you we were spot on switching to Democrat and voting for the Kenyan guy!”

And why is this so? For the Obama administration’s financial bailout package – all mega-zillions of dollars-worth of it – has – in the midst of this quagmire of a global recession – saved ‘and’ created thirty jobs in Arizona’s 15th Congressional District – simply by laying out a measly $761,420.75c in federal stimulus spending. Read the full story