Tag Archive | "Arizona"

Brewer Slams ‘Racist Asian Governments’ on ‘Eurocentric Curriculum’ Bans (2/2)


So, why was Jan Brewer displeased that Myanmar, Saudi Arabia and North Korea have recently banned ‘divisive and Eurocentric curricula?’

FFS! This is sheer anti-white hatred! Now, you may use whatever words you wish, young man!

… Oh wait, a girl? Is that the girl who is actually called Kim?

Oh, she’s a man? Did she get a…

Well, why doesn’t that surprise me! They’re not exactly a leading Christian nation, are they? Nothing would surprise me less! Read the full story

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Posted in Education, PoliticsComments (0)

Papa Johns Pizza Loses Big as Arizona Cardinals Continue to Win


National pizza chain Papa Johns has posted a massive 1st quarter loss that is expected to hurt year end business results.

This is all in part to the deal the pizza chain has in cities with NFL teams.

Whenever a home team wins, Papa Johns offers 50% off of all orders.

As the Arizona Cardinals continue to win-win-win, Papa Johns is losing money quicker than a gambling addict in a casino. Read the full story

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Posted in SportsComments (2)

The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper


FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road to find alternatives after a shortage of standard execution drugs. This shortage was created by European drug manufacturers banging their opposition to capital punishment like a cowbell. Thus far, States have been unsuccessful in finding suitable alternatives as exemplified by West Virginia’s “meth, gun powder and white lightening” concoction that just seems to make the condemned more hostile than usual. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Science, Top StoriesComments (3)

Arizona Scientists Prove Alien Existence; Body is Launched Back to Planet Mexico


Scientists from the University of Arizona have concluded this Friday that the possible existence of extraterrestrial life could become a reality after certain test results are finalized.

The University was baffled when a 2,500 year old alien life form, Ernesto Torres, was found dead wrapped inside a white blanket lying next to an abandoned bicycle.

Police were also able to locate a note reading, “E.T VA A CASA”. The University is using its finest Native Americans to decipher its message. Read the full story

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Posted in Science, Science & TechnologizzyComments (0)

Arizona State Legisislature Votes To Change State Motto, Slogan


Giddy with the joy of Christ at successfully legalizing state sponsored endorsement of dark age phobias and insanities the Arizona State Legislature voted to to change the State slogan and motto along with other state designations and affiliations. Read the full story

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Posted in Politics, ReligionismComments (20)

Arizona to Experience Worst Coastal Flooding in Decades


TEMPE — Meteorologists agree that the storm surge, combined with the seasonal monsoon already covering Arizona, could mean the worst flooding coastal Arizona has seen in more than a generation.

“Well we’ve already been seeing rainfall of over one inch per day,” said Sahid Gupta, Arizona native and senior secular meteorologist at the New Day Horizons Center for Wellness. “Which is normal for this time of year, but the storm surge is threatening our coast now.” Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (1)

GOPTea Spins Blame For Burning Southwestern States


WASHINGTON, DC —BobZaguy GOPTea Gov. Rick Perry of Texas has now officially been accused of causing problems by staging his “Rain Dance Prayer Services” in Texas. Weeks after the Perry Prayers were offered up in Texas, the Eastern and Northern Plains states of the US are awash in rain and flooding. As is California. Read the full story

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Posted in PoliticsComments (2)

Steele Sends Nancy Pelosi to the Back of the Bus


WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Chairman Steele invited Republicans to “Get on the Bus” on Friday. The RNC Chairman Michael Steele has, with his Fire Nancy Pelosi Bus Tour, removed the House Speaker from under the bus to sitting inside his bus, albeit in the back seat, but it is a nicely tricked out back seat.

It was announced by Steele that the real FNP 6-week tour would commence this week, and he promised that Speaker Nancy would be on board for at least some parts of the tour. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, PoliticsComments (0)

Chief Standing Wolf Takes on Rush Limbaugh After ‘Injuns’ Comment


FORT APACHE, Arizona (Glossy News) — Watch out Rush Limbaugh. Chief Standing Wolf, who earlier this year made certain promises to rid Arizona of non-Native Americans if they didn’t repeal their white man laws allowing only English-speaking people in their state, is on the war path again. This time, it’s Rush Limbaugh that has the Apache leader seeing red. Read the full story

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, SocietyComments (0)

Mexican Drug Gangs Boycott Arizona Over Immigration Law


PHOENIX, Arizona (GlossyNews) — Joining a rising tide of protest boycotts of the state, leaders from several prominent Mexican drug gangs announced their intention to avoid doing business in Arizona until the State Legislature reverses its controversial new immigration law.

“We regret the impact this decision will have on our valued customers,” said the spokesman for the group. “However, we simply cannot stand by and allow this patently illegal and un-Constitutional usurpation of Federal power to go unchallenged Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (3)

Cuban Refugee Dredged from Oil Slick, Cleaned, Deported


Gulf Port, Mississippi (GlossyNews) –A swarm of wayward marine biologists descended on this region in recent days to clear carcasses from nets and scrub what few creatures left alive they could from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Thursday.

The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, “volunteered” to assist clean-up efforts while studying environmental impacts. Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (0)

Mexican Recovered from Gulf Oil Spill


Grand Isle, LA (GlossyNews) –A team of marine biologists recovered 120 specimens of wild life from the rapidly spreading oil spill off the coast of Louisiana Wednesday.

The team, comprised of staff and students from several Gulf Coast universities, volunteered to assist clean-up efforts while studying environmental impacts. While cleaning feathers and fur with dish detergent, Anne Fullerton, a student at Southern University in Baton Rouge, discovered what turned out to be a Mexican attempting to enter the U.S. illegally. Read the full story

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Posted in World NewsComments (4)

Glossy News Names New South America Bureau Chief(s)


South America (GlossyNews) — Industry insiders are saying reclusive, mysterious media titan Brian K. White has struck again, in his seemingly relentless march to replace Rupert Murdoch as the planet’s leading purveyor of nonsense.

In the wake of famed journalist Blake Pennywhistle’s mysterious disappearance, White spoke to reporters today from a secure, undisclosed location. “Nobody will miss Blake more than I. It puts a hole in my heart that will forever be there, blah blah blah. I’m glad he’s not sending e-mail to my teenage daughter any more, I will say that. I don’t think space aliens abducted Blake, mostly because I don’t know what space aliens would want with $7358 in cash that seems to be missing. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

American Expatriates in Mexico Feeling Sting of Arizona Law


Todos Santos, Mexico (GlossyNews) — American baby boomers, flush with money, have been making their way down to Mexico’s Baja coast for a decade or more as expatriates trying to escape the high cost of living in the United States. They’re doing anything they can to make their retirement dollars stretch while, at the same time, enjoying a better-than-average lifestyle by the ocean. So you can understand why they are more than a little peeved at their cousins still in the north, back in Arizona, who have taken it upon themselves to make things very difficult for Americans choosing to live south of the border. Read the full story

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WWII Veteran Seeks Asylum from Arizona


Prescott, AZ (GlossyNews) — Captain Dudley Engelbrook, 91, of Chino Valley, Arizona is seeking asylum in Greece, Iceland, and several other European countries. Years of shoddy health care combined with the loss of veterans’ benefits, says the proud veteran of the Battle of the Bulge, “made life hell” for him.

Tired of living in subsidized housing, where he was afraid to come and go and was “surrounded by psychos, thieves, druggies, racist gangsters and murderers” — and even offered child prostitutes — he decided in 2003 to rent a small, dilapidated barn from a girlfriend. Read the full story

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Vortexes in Sedona, Arizona Appear to be Disappearing


Sedona, AZ (GlossyNews) -– Sedona, Arizona, once known world-wide as a Mecca for those looking for metaphysical experiences due to the unusually large amount of vortices (vortexes) located there, is seeing a string of unhappy visitors leave the various sites of Bell Rock, Cathedral Rock and Boynton Canyon totally dispirited and angry.

In the past few days, many seekers of peace and harmony who had planned on experiencing the powers of these spiritual wellsprings have gone away saddened and disappointed. Read the full story

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