Tag Archive | "alabama"

Homo Sapien Pictographs Prove Homosexuality Is Natural

Paleontologists working in Southern France have discovered pictographs they estimate were placed around 10,000 B.C. The primitive drawings depict what appears to be two Neanderthal males copulating.

Lead scientist Dr. Lance Hollingsworth said, “I usually don’t get involved in politics, but clearly these cave drawing prove that homosexual relationships predate the ten commandments.” Read the full story


Posted in Religionism, World NewsComments (0)

Service Group Logs More Photos than Hours Worked

TUSCALOOSA,AL- This summer, 9 University of Alabama students traveled to New York City for a one week trip focused on community service.

During their week, each student logged 25 hours of service and the group collectively returned with 1,257 photos of themselves standing in and around different service sites.

While in NYC the students averaged 3.5 hours of service in soup kitchens and the Food Bank each day. In their free time, they experienced all the city had to offer like shopping, seeing Broadway shows, and avoiding giving a dollar to a man they fed that morning to ensure they had enough to buy another “I ♥ NY” tee. Read the full story


Posted in Human Interest, SocietyComments (0)

Jimmy Cracks Corn, Gets 20 Years

(Hambone, Alabama)–Jimmy was sentenced to 20 years for cracking corn as if no one cared. According to witnesses, Jimmy was observed cracking corn and repeatedly asked to stop, but refused.

“I saw Jimmy sitting over there on that bench cracking corn in front of everybody like a mad man,” said one witness who testified against Jimmy. “If you want to crack corn, that’s your own business, but you shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff in public!” he said. Read the full story


Posted in Society, Strange PeopleComments (4)

Pirates Found With Dead Navy Seals on Maersk Alabama

Seychelles police have confirmed three deceased Ethiopian pirates were found along with two retired Navy Seal security personnel discovered dead on the Maersk Alabama this last weekend.

The three pirates carried Ethiopian passports and appeared to be dressed as Captian Jack Sparrow, Captain Hook and Lemur King “Julien” from the 2005 animated film “Madagascar”. Read the full story


Posted in Crime, Talky PicturesComments (1)

Carnival Triumph Finally Docks, Alabama Governor To Turn It Into Tourist Attraction

The end has finally come for the unfortunate passengers on the Carnival Triumph. The ship has finally reached dock and they are slowly emerging into a somewhat civilized world.

Alabama Gov. Bentley has made a statement regarding the ships arrival. “We are pleased to have this luxury liner dock in our fair state. We will do all we can to welcome the passengers with our southern hospitality. We also look at this as an opportunity to enhance the many attractions for visitors to our state.” Read the full story


Posted in News In Your BriefsComments (0)

Advocacy Group to Toothlessly Protest Redneck Comedians, Unaware of Irony

Cable Professionals United Against Hurtful Stereotypes spokesperson Carl Tuckerson spoke to reporters today on the newly minted group’s grievances and plans. Per Tuckerson, the CPUAHS was formed in defensive reaction to a pervasive, insidious and pernicious media campaign to brand all cable installers as moronic slackers. Read the full story


Posted in EntertainmentComments (9)

Quotes from Game Change No One is Talking About

A thoroughly entertaining book, The Game Change, has brought to light some “wish we hadn’t said that” moments from almost everyone associated with the 2008 Presidential campaign scene. So I just couldn’t wait to get my hands on a copy to see for myself what all the hubbub was about, especially when I heard that Harry Reid, the gosh-darn nicest, I-don’t-have-a-racist-bone-in-my-body kinda guy is credited with the now infamous line spoken when he was trying to make the case that the country was ready for a black presidential candidate…and referred to Obama as a “light-skinned African American with no Negro dialect, unless he wanted to have one.” Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

25yr Coma Man Wakes, Stunned to Learn of Black President

Ozark, Alabama – Jeff Stills was a successful crop farmer from the lower state of Alabama that was raised on a farm he would soon call his own.  Unfortunately on the night of April 6th 1984 he flipped his General Lee replica(per his initial description). After further questioning he revealed it was in fact a ’78 Gremlin given to him by his aunt with a crudely painted “homage” to the General Lee at best.  He then entered a coma deeper than any Dukes of Hazard plot. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, Strange PeopleComments (0)

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