Tag Archive | "Al Gore"

Publication of “The Brian Williams Story” Nixed

Excerpts from “The Brian Williams Story”, a rumored biography that will now apparently never see print:

November 9, 1989
“All I can say is that it was an honor and a thrill to be the only major American news anchor on site when the Berlin Wall fell. It was a combination of good luck and astute planning that put me there that night so that I could report this major event back home to our NBC viewing audience. Or maybe it was Tom Brokaw. The important thing is that we were there.” Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, TelevisionComments (0)

Lorax and Al Gore in Twitter War Over Earth Day

The Lorax and Al Gore have become engaged in a bitter war of words on Twitter as to who has done more for environmental awareness and the observance of Earth Day.

The Former Vice-President threw down the gauntlet yesterday when he called Mr. Lorax a short, hairy pussy who thinks he owns the movement, to which Lorax replied “Look in the mirror, bitch!”

Lorax, who uses the handle @speaks4trees, and Mr. Gore, @chickenlittle, have escalated their rhetoric today on the annual observance of the environmental holiday. Read the full story


Posted in EnvironmentComments (3)

Al Gore’s Carbon Footprint Visible from Space

Spectacular new images of Earth were released by NASA yesterday detailing various aspects of our magnificent blue and green marble.

One photo in particular stood out above the rest: a crystal clear shot of billions of carbon molecules in the form of a giant footprint covering most of North America.

Scientists would have been completely in the dark as to the owner of the footprint if not for the letters “GORE” on the bottom of the foot. Read the full story


Posted in EnvironmentComments (5)

Mathematician Accused of Using Imaginary Numbers in Global Warming Report

After a three-week investigation, the Congressional Investigation Committee has unanimously concluded that Kansas mathematician Dr. Bernard Dietrich did intentionally and maliciously use imaginary numbers in the equations used to generate the data in the report he issued a month ago on global warming. Read the full story


Posted in ScienceComments (2)

Satan Tired of Being Blamed for Internet Porn-Related Scandals

Word has it that old Beelzebub is furious these days over being blamed for everything from pictures of Lindsay Lohan’s hoohah to Anthony Weiner’s bulging BVD’s. He claims that he’s tired of being a catchall for mankind’s failure to control their sexual desires.

“Why is it when I open the paper and read yet another story about a well-liked politician who’s been caught with his hand in his drawers, there is always a reference to some kind of evil making them do it?” says Satan. Read the full story


Posted in Top StoriesComments (7)

Tennessee’s Jackass Race Still Too Close to Call

Insiders have always watched Tennessee elections closely. The reasons for this scrutiny are varied. Partly, it’s the famous axiom ‘As Tennessee goes, so goes Kentucky usually.’ More than that though, the Volunteer state has always provided America with a cornucopia of self-serving, condescending twits.

From Lamar Alexander to Al Gore, it’s statistically undeniable that the next brain numbingly boring person to seize the national spotlight will hail from the rocks and hills of Tennessee. So it’s understandable that in tumultuous 2010, all eyes turn to the state’s gubernatorial contest. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk

Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – Ex-Vice President, internet wizard, and noted global climate expert, Al Gore, has unveiled a unique total-green automobile offering that could change the way Americans drive.

In collaboration with Tata Motors of India, Gore has invented a revolutionary vehicle that runs entirely on body odor and emits only a fraction of polluting hydrocarbons. Gore has named the first model after himself, who, according to at least one licensed massage practitioner, has an untapped “wealth of body odor.” Read the full story


Posted in Environment, TechnologyComments (2)

Joe Biden Claims He Invented “The Intercourse”

At a recent dinner event, Vice President Joe Biden not only gave away classified secrets to the press, but claimed he’s taking credit for inventing intercourse along with Al Gore!

According to a Biden Spokesman, ” Intercourse pretty much goes along with the Vice President’s feelings on increasing taxes too.”

To make things worse, Biden is also claiming the electronic game Wii is also a result of his inventive skills. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Al Gore Opens Chain of Upscale Reiki Salons

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Ever since Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he’s been looking for a good investment and now he thinks he’s found it. He’s opening a chain of Reiki salons in Washington, DC. Among the reasons he’s giving for making such a bold business move, Gore came up with these:

*I like the “laying on of hands” concept of Reiki. The magic is in the palms.

*I’ve always been turned on by the phrase “holistic.” Read the full story


Posted in Biz News, Celebrity GossipComments (0)

American Poodle Club Rushes to Distance Itself from Gore Scandal

PORTLAND, Oregon (GlossyNews) — Police in Portland, Oregon are reopening their investigation into allegations that Al Gore groped and forced himself onto a masseuse at a local hotel in 2006. While not much has been made public about that incident, the one piece of information that continues to come up in news reports is the fact that the masseuse described Gore’s behavior as “acting like a crazed poodle.” Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity GossipComments (0)

Gore Claims He Invented the ‘Happy Ending’

BALLSTON, Virginia (GlossyNews) — Mired amid controversy of alleged infidelity and sexual misconduct, former Vice President and prominent global warming activist, Al Gore, angrily dismissed these accusations today at a press corps luncheon. Read the full story


Posted in Celebrity Gossip, PoliticsComments (0)

Al Gore Claims Credit for Inventing the Toilet Cam

BOSTON, Mass. – Former vice president Al Gore will tell the American Library Association’s (ALA) midwinter meeting here this weekend that he invented the toilet cam. In a draft copy of the vice president’s address that was leaked to Glossy News late yesterday, Mr. Gore declared: “I developed the toilet cam originally just to mess with Tipper and the kids. It (the toilet cam) was something I did in my spare time after I had gotten the Internet up and running.” Read the full story


Posted in Science & TechnologizzyComments (0)

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