Soweto: Irish pop stars Bob Geldof and U2’s Bono have announced their latest African tour for October of this year. The tour, aptly named “DebtAid” is set to raise funds and prevent famine in the recession-stricken Irish Republic.

“This time we’ve changed things slightly and decided to tour Africa in an effort to eradicate poverty in Ireland,” explained Bono, whose nation is sitting on a sovereign debt disaster, IMF loans totalling 85 billion Euro, Read the full story

The mother Church of Christendom was roiled this week by excerpts from a new book by Pope Benedict LVMCIII. The book, “Because I said So” has stirred controversy due to several passages wherein the Pontiff clarifies condom use.

Somewhere in chapter XVII of the lengthy tome, Benedict writes the following: Read the full story

MOGADISHU, Somalia (Glossy News) — A six-year old Somali girl has been given permission by the Somali government to sail solo around the world in a 46-foot yacht commandeered by her father in a pirate raid off the coast of Somali earlier this year. The father/ daughter pair have been training for this solo adventure since March in a less-luxurious home-made craft.

When Abdul Omar Khalid got word that American 16-year old Abby Sunderland was setting out early in 2010 to sail solo around the world, he became enraged. Read the full story

Kampala, Uganda (GlossyNews) — Standing proud amidst the smoldering remains of fuel trucks and personnel carriers, 11-year old Ogwambi Sumwego, a commander in the Youth Corps of the Lord’s Resistance Army, screamed “no tags-back” to the fleeing government soldiers.

According to the small-statured Sumwego and his band of pre-teen freedom fighters, the proclamation was meant to assure there would be no retribution for the swift and brutal attack on Ugandan Army troops and supplies.

“I called it,” Sumwego announced while high-fiving his vicious but socially awkward preadolescent soldiers. Read the full story

Providence, RI (GlossyNews) Finally fed up with being classified as the America’s smallest state and with the perceived lack of respect accompanying that classification, teeny, weeny Rhode Island announced plans today to sever ties with the other 49 states. With size in mind, Rhode Island officials specifically chose to merge with Zanzibar based primarily on the east African country’s physical dimensions.

“We wanted to chose someplace relatively small so that we would seem proportionately larger than we do in the U.S.,” explained Vito Gigante, spokesman for the Rhode Island General Assembly, to no one in particular. Read the full story

US Secretary of Sleaze Hilarious Rodent Clinton’s eleven-day tour of Darkest Africa took in seven AIDS-ravaged countries across the malfunctional continent. Read the full story

In an interview with the Washington Post today, Vice President Joe Biden took credit for resolving the USS Bainbridge-Somali pirate standoff last April. Read the full story