The term traitor has taken on new connotations in recent years. Once meant to determine someone who has with serious and direct intent caused damage to a nation or its inhabitants; the recent mutation of its meaning is to indicate anyone who says anything against the wishes of those in power, especially prevalent during the Cheney domination. Read the full story

AFGHANISTAN (GlossyTribalNews) — In the remote tribal areas of Afghanistan, the Taliban declared today as the official “Eat A Turd For Muhammad Day.” Hundreds of armed Taliban fighters visited scores of remote tribal villages and forced village people at gunpoint to eat crap in order to show their true submission to Muhammad.

Ziki Al-Ghabouni, a spokesman for the Taliban, claims nearly a 100% of villagers participated in the event and only two dozen or so were, ‘sent to meet Muhammad’ for failing to participate. Read the full story

PULASKI, Tennessee (GlossyNews) — Insiders predict RNC Chairman Michael Steele will soon decide to ‘spend more time with my family’ in the wake of his recent faux pas. It appears Steele has violated the most revered tenet of the DC code; don’t make political news in July.

First expressed by President Henry Clay in 1846, the full text of his letter to Senator Byrd reads as follows: “Our Founders were wise, they thought deep. They placed the seat of Federal power in a humid, fetid, hellish swamp because that was a way to keep we blood filled ticks away from the jugular vein of the American people, at least two months out of the year. Any craven blackguard who would draw us back to our desks in July merits the opprobrium of all opportunists.” Read the full story

Cave Town, Pakistan (GlossyNews) — Al Queda has brought their ‘El Cid’ out into the fresh air again to renew belief in their cause and to yank the West’s chain. According to news sources Usama bin Laden has made a new video praising the Nigerian who tried to take down a US airplane with flaming underpants. The only problem with the whole schtick is that Usama is a has-bin Laden. He ain’t no more. Read the full story

Camp David (GlossyNews) — President Obama has promised to grant Sarah Palin her biggest wish ever -an inkling of credibility- if she can locate the most wanted man in the world, Osama bin Laden, and bring back his walking cane.

The ‘secret’ mission dubbed by Democrats as the ‘Bimbo in Limbo’ is a way to show that President Obama is willing to work with Palin, while allowing her to do something productive besides running her mouth. Palin, however, still plans to feed her fans inflammatory statements via Twitter during the entire process. Read the full story

As related to Glossy News by a well informed cabbie in New York City.

Former CIA operative turned whistleblower, Frank Turner, shocked the nation this past Friday recounting his recent hardships in front of a live television audience. Turner, who had remained relatively anonymous after his estrangement, used the attention to direct harsh criticisms toward CIA officials and further expose the organization’s most recent intrusion into domestic affairs. Read the full story

Paris, TX — Canada, once one of America’s staunchest allies in North America and a bulwark against growing aboriginal unrest and encroachment of the Scandinavian powers, continues to befuddle the West.

In the 1950s, 60s, and 70s Canada, with the backing of the US and England, grew to prominence in North America. Canada became a ‘strongman’ and a policeman that the West could rely on in a sea of continuous turmoil in a region troubled by the growing influence of capitalism and rock and roll. Read the full story

(Information received by word of mouth via the north Pakistan grapevine)

Osama bin Laden’s cave has become crowded beyond capacity due to President Obama’s decision to send an additional 30,000 US troops to Afghanistan. Every Taliban member not busy committing suicide in a crowded place occupied by infidels is pushing to get into the cave as it is the only place where they are guaranteed not to be found by the military. Read the full story

The UK Office of the Prime Minister today announced and welcomed the Army’s 1,000th recruit of the year – sixteen-year-old Private Angus Munt from Glasgow’s Pikey Park Sink or Swim Council Estate.

Conversely the winner of the ‘First Century’ Squaddies-in-Bodybags competition – with the death of the 100th British soldier to ‘cop his’ and get snuffed by Taliban Dan and his gang of Jihadi scallies in Afghanistan – went unannounced. Read the full story

President Obama today announced that in line with the Rothshite Zionist-dictated edict that the United States is not allowed a Middle East or foreign policy separate from – or in conflict with – Israel’s, he will be dispatching an additional 30,000 troops to Afghanistan to reinforce the ones those nasty Taliban keep snuffing. Read the full story

The commanding US general in Afghanistan has called for a revised military strategy, suggesting the current one is totally Fubar.

In a top secret strategic assessment sent to the US Central Command – endorsed with a bright red “Eyes Only : Don’t show more than a Dozen” stamp, four star General Billy Bob McTwattie declared that while the Afghan military situation had been a calamitous screw-up since Day One, the conflict was winnable over the next twenty years – or so – Read the full story

In the southern Afghan poppy-growing region of Shit-or-Bust the tribesmen held one of their time-honoured beardie pow-wow’s by getting together around the campfire just prior to the recent presidential election for a fart-fest and to discuss which candidate they would back. Read the full story

During a surprise visit to Afghanistan yesterday to change his underpants Gordon ‘Culpability’ Brown gave a strong indication that more British troops will be sent to the basket case dump of a nation-sized midden to replace all the broken ones the Taliban have snuffed in recent weeks. Read the full story

Taking his cue from a popular American television show, President Karzai of Afghanistan lobs candy at President Obama, believing it to be an act of endearment. Read the full story