Tag Archive | "accident"

Tony Stewart Kills Fellow Driver, Boosting NASCAR Ratings


Saturday night NASCAR icon Tony Stewart single-handedly quadrupled NASCAR’s slumping television ratings when he hit and killed Kevin Ward Jr in a Sprint Car race at Canandaigua Motorsports Park in upstate New York.

Ward, 20, had been run into the wall by Stewart the lap before, wrecking his #13 Sprint car and in a jealous rage, Ward confronted Stewart’s car on foot, wagging a very intimidating finger at the former NASCAR champion.

One car swerved to avoid the irate driver but Stewart didn’t miss his target, striking the 20-year-old and dragging him several feet to his death. Read the full story

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports Scandals, SportsfolkComments (0)

Danica Patrick Accuses NASCAR Drivers of Misogyny


NASCAR driver Danica Patrick charged other drivers with sexism and misogyny after being bumped in Sundays Daytona 500 causing her to crash into the outer wall and ending her race.

“There’s only one woman at Daytona today and who gets driven off the track? Connect the dots and do the math.” Patrick added “Well, I can’t do the math but I’m sure one of you men out there can help me with that.” Read the full story

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Posted in Sports Events, Sports ScandalsComments (2)

Dozens Trampled Over Obamacare Holiday Sale


In what is already being called the worst accident since Walmart’s Black ThurFriday Sale, dozens of people were trampled when crowds broke through library barriers trying to take advantage of Obama’s “Buy One Get One Free” holiday health care plan sale.

The holiday deal which runs through the end of December was meant to buoy flagging sales of health insurance plans.

Several witnesses present at the scene were left confused over the rush since the website can be accessed by anyone with a computer and an internet connection. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Internets TubesComments (2)

Crash Kills IndyCar Racer, Leaves Car in Critical Condition


LAS VEGAS – The world of racing is left to reflect after a multiple-car crash in Las Vegas killed famed driver Dan Wheldon and left his racing vehicle in a “serious condition.”

The accident involved 15 other drivers, whose vehicles are said to be in stable conditions.

Former 2-time Indy 500 winner Wheldon was later pronounced dead in hospital, while his racing car is fighting for its life after suffering multiple injuries, including 3 ruptured tires, a dislocated steering wheel and a damaged suspension. IndyCar servicemen have transported it to an engineering plant, where its progress is “being monitored”. Read the full story

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Posted in Sports, Sports EventsComments (5)

Japan to Stop Using Nuclear Power, Get Giant Monster Insurance


TOKYO- The Prime Minister of Japan, Yoshihiko Noda, announced that his country will be discontinuing the use of nuclear energy and will also be shopping for giant monster insurance policies.

The decision was widely expected after the disastrous earthquake that left the Fukushima power plant a veritable spawning pool for giant radioactive monsters. Read the full story

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Boy 14, Cracks Skull in Attempt to Board Hogwarts Express


London, England (Glossy News) – Paramedics arrived at London King’s Cross Railway Station on September 1st at 11:13 a.m. after a teenage boy of fourteen years cracked his scull in an attempt to get to platform 9¾ from the very popular Harry Potter books.

Devon Kinney and his mother, Debora Kinney were on their way to board a train to Manchester when Debora turned around to check the train schedules. “I had my back to him for a second, and then all the sudden I heard a huge bang, and I turned around to see Devon on the ground with his head bleeding profuse amounts of blood.” Read the full story

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Posted in Kidz Zone, Strange PeopleComments (0)

House Really Falls On California Witch


SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. (Glossy News) — “Right out of a movie” would be the best way to describe the recent events that plagued former Speaker of the House and part-time witch, Nancy Pelosi. On Tuesday, the “House” hit her squarely on the head.

Found staggering and cross-eyed, the once-upon-a-time Congressional leader complained that her much beloved House had turned against her, bludgeoning her on the head as she was jogging along Fremont Street in San Francisco. According to eye witness accounts, the incident was observed by several androgynous midgets and a mysterious teenager from the Midwest, clutching a mangy puppy. Read the full story

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Ex-VP Dick Cheney Injured in Serious Hunting Accident


TYLER, Wyoming – (Glossy News) -Ex-Vice President Dick Cheney is an avid hunter and has filled his time during retirement by duck hunting near his Casper, Wyoming ranch.

 According to friends, Cheney recently was out on the marsh for a weekend of hunting.  As circumstance would have it, he decided to relieve himself against a tree…that’s when trouble began to brew. Read the full story

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Crossing Guard with OCD Run Down by Impatient Businessman


Nolanville, VA-Every weekday morning at 3 a.m., 45-year old George Ross puts on his pants for the third time, combs every strand of hair separately and plucks any wayward nose hairs. He measures one teaspoon of sugar into his carefully prepared cup of coffee then pours it out, washes the cup and sink twice, and starts the process all over again. After exactly 16 false starts out of the house, in which he returns from the driveway to check the doors and windows, as well as the coffee maker and iron, he is ready to head off to work as the community crossing guard for Billy Bob Thornton Elementary School. Read the full story

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Man killed by Laura Bush in Car Crash Demands Royalty Cut


Mike Douglas, the young man killed by Laura Bush in a car crash in 1963, has demanded a cut of the royalties from her upcoming memoir. The book is being promoted entirely on the fact that Bush killed Douglas in a car crash and now feels bad about it. Sort of. In fact, the promo mixes up some kind of religious horseshit on top of the tragedy to make Bush come out some kind of hero. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & MiscComments (0)

In New Book, Laura Bush Can’t Acknowledge Horrible Accident Known as W


In a perfect example of how psychotic the Bush Clan remains, Laura Bush has once again milked the tragedy of a teenager she killed in a car accident in Midland, Texas 50 years ago. This time to sell her new book, Spoken from the Heart, ghost written by Larry Kones. But amazingly, she cannot acknowledge the horrible accident known as the Presidency of GW Bush. Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (2)

Hippies in Power: Cars to Blame for ‘All’ Bike Crunches


New Labour’s Ministry for Daft Ideas has come up with a brilliant scheme to introduce novel laws in a bid to promote greener transport methods and are considering making motorists legally responsible for all fender-bender accidents involving cyclists or pedestrians – even if they are not at fault. Read the full story

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Posted in Health, Society, TravelComments (0)

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