Posted on 12 January 2015.
We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Year in Review for 2014. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much, but it’s here for the curious.
A couple of wars, a few natural disasters and a political scandal or two – pretty much a replay of 2010 through 2013. Check it out here. Let’s continue now with Part II. Don’t skip ahead to December and spoil the surprise ending, okay? Read the full story
Posted in Politics, Society
Posted on 09 January 2015.
As has been the proud tradition of this Pulitzer-Prize-denied publication since 1952 – except for 2012 (when the Mayan Calendar predicted the world would end, so I figured, what was the point) – it’s time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2014.
In keeping with one of the hottest trends of the year, here’s your chance to binge read the important news stories of the past twelve months which you missed because you were too busy playing Candy Crush. Read the full story
Posted in Entertainment, Society
Posted on 01 January 2014.
Yes, folks, it’s that time of year again when the famous Psychic to the stars, Crystal Ball, gives us a peek into the future. This time, she is narrowing her predictions down to the music and entertainment industry. Ball claims that twerking (the sexually provocative dance craze sweeping the nation–at least the part of the nation that dwells in trailer parks) will, once again, dominate music headlines.
So, without further adieu, here are Crystal Ball’s predictions for the top ten stories of 2014: Read the full story
Posted in Celebrity Gossip
Posted on 30 December 2013.
New York, NY – Pop icon and cultural wrecking ball Miley Cyrus is scheduled to headline the festivities in Times Square, performing just before the ball drops to start the New Year. According to forecasters, the weather at midnight should be about 26 degrees Fahrenheit, with 12 mph winds, putting the wind chill in the low teens. While frostbite does not typically begin to set in until the wind chill has dropped down to -20, the charts were made by doctors who assumed that people would be wearing clothes. If the past year of Miley Cyrus’ life has suggested anything, it’s that this is a bold assumption.
In an official statement, ABC stated that “[p]aramedics will be standing by with buckets of warm water and new clothes for Ms. Cyrus” if frostbite should begin to set in during or after her set. The statement did not disclose where Ms. Cyrus’ old clothes will be at that time, hinting at the nature of her performance.
“As if it’s possible for her to do a show and not strip down,” 24-year-old single male and typical Miley fan Seth Hanes said, adding that, if she didn’t, he’d ask for his money back.
“I’d use her tits to hang up my coat,” another fan told us, with a wink and an “if you know what I mean.”
“Of course she’s going to have exposed skin,” Rolling Stone reporter Biz Jenkins scoffed, “Really, the only question is what part of her starts going blue.”
Reports of numerous betting pools on this exact topic have been confirmed, with wagers on which part of Miley’s skin would turn color the quickest. The current 3 to 1 favorite is her tongue.
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Entertainment, Environment, Music, Science & Technologizzy, Society, Strange People, Television
Posted on 28 December 2013.
Not one to outdo herself, Miley Cyrus has found yet another avenue to show off her twerking prowess and usher in a new year of controversy. The event has been dubbed “Twerking in the New Year with Miley Cyrus.”
Young people in the crowd are encouraged to join in the festivities by twerking along with Cyrus. Read the full story
Posted in Celebrity Gossip, Music
Posted on 09 November 2013.
SPRINGFIELD, Mass. – Due out in 2014, the latest update to the Merriam Webster’s Dictionary confirms Brooklyn as an adjective.
“We wanted to do some exciting things with language this year. We’re not just adding new pop culture terminology. We’re modernizing what already exists, making old words new again,” says Merriam-Webster Editor at Large Larry Skolonski. Read the full story
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Human Interest