Tag Archive | "2012"

2012 – The Year in Review, Part 2: July – December


We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much. But you can check it out here. Let’s continue now with the Year in Review. Don’t skip ahead to December and spoil the surprise ending, okay?

July: The world becomes glued to their TV sets as the London Olympic Games take center stage. The Games’ most memorable moment comes during its Opening Ceremonies, when Queen Elizabeth makes a spectacular parachuting entrance into the stadium. Read the full story

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2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June


As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that you missed because you were too busy playing Resident Evil 6 on your PlayStation 3.

In Part I of this two-part special report, we cover January through June. We’ve got a lot to cover, so let’s get started. Read the full story

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Romney Post Debate Strategy: Flip-Flop More


The first presidential debate has inspired Romney campaign officials to change their overall strategy in order to gain a higher percentage of the upcoming vote.

After demonstrating his ability to completely drop previous positions, and offer new policies without concern of being able to deliver them, the campaign intends to continue to use this method over the remaining weeks of the campaign to break new ground and old promises.

While this will leave Gov. Romney with literally no true policy positions to offer in a post election victory, previous statements were so devoid of actual details that his senior strategists don’t foresee any issues with this new strategy.

Contacted on the campaign trail, top Romney advisor Ed Gillespie could not contain his excitement about finally finding the key to turning this election cycle around.

“We have always felt that the policies that were offered by our candidate were too focused on the conservative element of the electorate. The new policies that Gov. Romney is offering appeal to a wider cross section of the voting public. We were running without any specifics anyway so this is just a natural evolution toward total lack of detail.”

It remains to be seen if this will actually allow Gov. Romney to win the presidential election, but knowing that they never would have won otherwise it is a zero risk approach.

Recent polls show a swing towards Gov. Romney on the voter approval questions and this can be easily associated with his relaxed appearance as he describes various plans that he has no intention of implementing. As long as he can continue to avoid questions on the impact of the policies he may well have found his game changer.

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Romney Schedules Debate to Convince Country He is Still Running


WASHINGTON D.C.- Political insiders have confirmed that not only is republican candidate, Mitt Romney, debating president Obama on Wednesday, but he is still running for president.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan met a group of supporters for a fund raiser, announcing that they will still be in the running for the white house all the way up until November 6th.

“People can’t count us out until the election is over,” explains Matt Rhodes, campaign advisor to Mitt Romney.

“I know the country wouldn’t quite pick that up over the past couple of weeks, but we have been hard at work over in the Romney camp trying to adequately prepare a game plan to let America know that we are here until election day.” Read the full story

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Romney’s Tax Records Show He’s Working for President Obama


WASHINTON D.C.- The Romeny campaign had contested showing Mitt’s 2011 returns for so long, and once released, every one understood why.

Mitt Romney had been on the Obama campaign’s payroll for quite some time.

“Mitt did a really good job acting like he was a serious contender for the presidency,” explains David Axlerod.

“I think recently, it became apparent that he was actually working for us. I mean, what candidate would have so many gaffes if he didn’t work for the other team?” Read the full story

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Romney and Ryan to Clean Up Streets in New ABC Drama


LOS ANGELES- After recent reports have surfaced over the lack of news coverage given to Mitt Romney, the Romney/Ryan campaign sought to tackle the issue through a different approach.

Romney campaign manager Matt Rhodes tells US Weekly that “It’s no surprise the liberal media is trying to marginalize Mitt. We saw this coming. We devised a plan to get Mitt and Paul out there, in the television of every home, without the help of the major news outlets, Prime time drama.” Read the full story

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Aging Gingrich Sucking Life Out of Youthful Santorum Race


Volunteers for GOP candidate Rick Santorum say they are growing more tired by the day trying to come up with good things to say about Newt Gingrich in order to keep the Gingrich/Santorum tag team going against candidate Mitt Romney.

“At first we thought, ok, Newt is a bright dude, he has a bit more Washington experience than our Rick does, and ganging up on Romney would get us further than if we went after him ourselves,” said Jim Voeticki, chief organizer of the Santorum campaign. Read the full story

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Sarah Palin Has ‘Todd’ Tattoo Removed


In yet another breaking story from an undisclosed source that the Palins are divorcing, a supposed cosmetic surgeon in Phoenix has neither confirmed nor denied that she performed a tattoo removal for Sarah Palin. But sources close to the sometimes on again, sometimes off again presidential candidate confirm that indeed, the ‘Todd’ tattoo Sarah got in college has been removed. Read the full story

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Trump Ends Presidential Bid Due to Medical Condition


Donald Trump announced today that he won’t be seeking the GOP nomination for President in 2012. While many speculated it was because he realized that he would have a hard time securing that nomination, even if he bought it, the truth is, he’s quitting on doctor’s orders.

Dr. Harvey Finkelstein, one of Trump’s many personal physicians, stated that his patient suffers from a severe case of thin skin. Read the full story

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Romney Cooks Up New Image for 2012


CHICAGO, IL (GlossyNews) — During an interview in a Chicago bus station on Wednesday, Mitt Romney said, “I think that one of the things that’s very important in running a successful presidential campaign is to make sure that voters can easily recognize what you are known for – those things that really motivate you.” He held up his new signature snow globe with WTF initials inside. Read the full story

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Berkeley Sociologists Urge Americans to Stay the Hell Away from Alaska


Since learning of Phil Harris’ death a few weeks ago, sociologists from U.C. Berkeley have been working feverishly to complete a lengthy report on life — and more importantly, death — in the 49th state. Today, they published their preliminary findings. Read the full story

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Obama Assistant Caught E-mailing Palin as 2012 Secret Adviser


Washington, D.C. – Susie (Suze) Ruze, an aide to President Obama, was reportedly relieved of her clerical duties early Monday morning and her White House e-mail account was suspended. These actions were taken after White House officials had learned that she had sent more than two dozen e-mails to Sarah Palin on matters that would have been classified information had they not been blatant lies. Ms. Ruze is believed to be a member of Women Against Sarah Palin. Read the full story

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AOL News: “Palin Says She’d Run in 2012”


Where? Back to Alaska?

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Paliens Infiltrate Sarah Palin Events to Undermine Conservatives


Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.” Read the full story

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Fox News Signs Bristol Palin as Jr. Political Correspondent


Following the heels of her famous mother, Sarah Palin, Bristol Palin has reportedly been offered a Jr. Political Correspondent position at Fox News for an undisclosed salary.

Fox News would not confirm or deny the news, but instead offered this statement, “until we can confirm or deny this news, we cannot confirm or deny that Bristol Palin will be joining our news team as a Jr. Political Correspondent for the sole purpose of reporting on her mother, Sarah Palin’s, unconfirmed run for President in 2012.”

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