Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

Steroids Rampant at the Kentucky Derby? The Answer May Not Surprise You

If there are two things Kentucky is famous for, and there is not, it’s Fried Chicken and the annual horse race watched, it is believed, by spectators.

But once again the specter of steroids in sports has reared it’s ugly head and stomped it’s hoof twice for “yes”.

Long shot filly Knobs At Hand is unlikely to win, but his trainer Big Dave Galaga is not about to leave anything to chance.

Despite frequent race horse testing for performance enhancing drugs, Big Dave is not alone in finding a loophole a mile wide.

“There’s no steroids on this team,” claimed Galaga through clenched teeth, the veins on his acne addled neck bulging visibly.

But Galaga and three other trainers were found to be in possession of various horse tranquilizers, horse growth hormone and over 15,000 hypodermic needles, mostly used, some covered in what appeared to be fur or hair.

Accused trainer Mikey Neopolitan who runs the three year old purebred Silent Thunder, sponsored by TestiCo, refused to go on the record for this story, but insisted that he would kick our asses and reminded us that he can “bench press 500 pounds,” and that he could, “snap [us] like a [expletive] twig!”

Derby officials have defended their practice of not testing trainers for steroids, and fans seem to appreciate the rippling, wobbly biceps these small balled men are sporting.

For a sporting event so disgraced, early betting has been robust and live betting on Kentucky Derby 2015 is shaping up to be the biggest on record.

When asked if he thought it was unethical for trainers to juice, race favorite, Gonna Stomp Yer Ass merely shook his head and said, “nay”.


This post was written by

- who has written 269 posts on

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.


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