Ashley Madison Not One of Tiger Woods’ Mistresses

If Ashley Madison is not one of Tiger Woods’ many mistresses, then who is she and what does this have to do with Tiger Woods you ask? Plenty. If you didn’t know better, you’d think that Ashley Madison was just another interior design firm, or a designer of women’s high end house dresses, or even the latest contender in ladies’ home parties like Tupperware or Pampered Chef. Right?

Well, that’s the beauty of picking a name, sort of. Noel Biderman, originator of Ashley Madison, must have had this in his head when he decided to come up with an on-line adultery business that caters to lonely housewives who are tired of the men in their lives getting all the outside action. Ashley Madison’s motto? “Life is Short—Have an Affair.” While the service can be used by either sex, it was originally targeted toward the love-starved women who go online while their husbands are working late for the 4th night a week, and just need someone to listen, and to hold and to, well, you get the picture.

Imagine the conversation when hubby gets home.

Hubby: Hi Hon, I’m home.

Cheating Wife: Oh hi hon, dinner’s in the oven.

Hubby goes upstairs to give cheating wife a peck on the cheek and ask what’s she’s been up to.

Cheating Wife: Oh, you know, the usual, shopping on the net.

Hubby: Anything interesting?

Cheating, Lying Wife: Yeah, I’ve been looking around on Ashley Madison again.

Husband (chuckling): Oh dear, not another dreadful floral print for the living room I hope!

Cheating Wife (chuckling back): You caught me!

The Ashley Madison website business is designed to hook married people up with other married or single people who just want a little sextra fun and excitement in their lives. According to Biderman, ”it’s what most married people do anyway, so why not turn a quick buck on it?” Happily married himself, Biderman claims he is offering a valuable service to mankind and likens himself to great humanitarians like Hugh Heffner, Heidi Fleiss, and others who are not ashamed to offer an avenue for the unfaithful to get as much nookie as they can in the short time they are on this earth.

Although the service is offered to either sex, imagine the conversation of a husband and wife where the husband is caught skipping through the Ashley Madison offerings:

Wife: Hi, honey, I see you’re home early tonight. What’s so interesting on the computer?

Cheating Husband: Just on the Ashley Madison site.

Wife: Why you no good so and so. Who the hell is Ashley Madison?

See? It just doesn’t work out too well for the guys. So Biderman, taking a cue from the latest Tiger Woods clusterfu*k scandal, has opened another website geared toward cheating husbands called “Discount Golf Supplies.” Now, when a man wants to cheat on his wife, he doesn’t have to take the chance of being accused of cheating with a woman named Ashley Madison. Instead the conversation is going to go a lot more smoothly:

Wife: Hi honey, I see you’re home early tonight.

Cheating Husband: Yeah, boss gave me a break tonight.

Wife (goes upstairs to give husband a peck on the cheek): Whatcha doin?

Cheating, Lying Husband: Oh just looking around on my favorite site “Discount Golf Supplies.”

Wife: Oh that’s great dear, I know how much you love your golf. Have you decided yet on a partner to play with on Saturday?

Cheating Husband (with a smile): Not yet, dear, but I’m sure working on it.

How pleasant is that? And if Tiger had been a member of Discount Golf Supplies, when he got e-mails back confirming his order, or even pings on his phone, Elin would never have been the wiser. With member names like RU-Red-E, Cobra Xtra Long, Hole-N-1, and Deep Slice SX400, the only thing a loving wife might have to complain about is her husband spending too much money buying golfing equipment and too much time shagging golf balls.

When CNN Prime News correspondent, Mike Galanos, asked Biderman how he can sleep at night, Biderman responded “with whom?”

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at