Categorized | Sports, Sports Scandals

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last!

Glazers & Manchester United: A Proper Free Market Corporation at Last!

Notable across-the-pond sporting enterpreneurs ‘The Glazer lads, PLC.’ have recently decided that the old-fashioned European way of doing football just isn’t financially viable for such a serious enterpreneurial concern as Manchester United Soccer, uh, Whatever Club.

So, they have now renamed their most lucrative business concern yet as the ‘Glazer Family and Co. Manchester, England United-and-Incorporated European Soccer Entertainment Corporation.’ Or just GFACMEUAIESEC for short. (ish).

However, if United are to truly prosper as a serious venture, they are going to have to tighten up and show a proper American work ethic. From now on, any fans (sorry, ‘customers’) investing their funds in a match (sorry, ‘standard rate sporting engagement salary shift’) must wear appropriate clothing at all times. They must also refrain from swearing, singing, and all other uncivil behaviors that lower the tone of the workplace, and risk serious brand tarnishment.

Also, there will be a substantial wage dock for any slack players (sorry, any ‘standard remunerated regular employee contract sporting personnel’) who enter the ground without smiling at the ‘retail personability assemblage’ of customers for a perfectly sincere and uncontrived meet ‘n’ greet:

Oh my gosh, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome, my dear friends! Well, aren’t we gonna have a simply woooooonderful day! #^___________^#

This has not gone down well at all. Join us next time for some classic responses from Andy ‘n’ Louis! Proper good, is that!


This post was written by

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Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter)


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