Categorized | Sports, Sports Events

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter”

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Officials overseeing the 31st Annual Bread N’ Basket Marathon held in downtown Philadelphia had several routine questions for this year’s winner, Breddie Murphy, after the 24-year-old won the race in a record time of 3 baskets and 7 sticks or 1 hour and 23 minutes, beating the previous record set by David Bredderman by almost 2 sticks or approximately 13 minutes.

“We question the winner of this prestigiously delicious race every year,” said lead official, Henry Bredgardener.

“However, those questions increase in specificity when a record is broken. At the end of the basket, we just want to make sure runners are following the rules and not using PEBs [Performance Enhancing Butters].”

Bredgardener added. A butter sample is taken from the top three finishers each year and has eliminated several winners in the past including Alex Rollriguez in 2007 and Bread Myers in 2009.

The win was Murphy’s first as a professional runner after walking away from professional basketball following two dismal seasons with a Philadelphia 76ers team that is in the midst of a long-term rebuilding process where they are literally “draining the garlic butter out of breadsticks” as compared by Lindsay Bahkedfriesh, President of the National Breadstick Association (N.B.A.).

Assuming Breddie Murphy passes the tests administered by race officials, he will win a trip to the lost city known as the Garden of Olives that has recently implemented a virtual Olive Garden, where visitors can experience an Olive Garden with their own senses, prior to when the once popular restaurant chain went extinct earlier this year after being in business since 1982. The virtual garden has all the features of the original restaurant including generous waitstaff that continuously refill breadstick baskets, an item that once came complimentary with the purchase of any entrée.

Visitors are able to choose from 30 different entrees that were originally listed on ancient ordering sheets known as menus in addition to the soup, salad and breadstick option that was usually only available for lunch. For additional information including pricing and hours of operation, please visit www.virtualolivegarden.com

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2 Responses to “Marathon Winner Interrogated over Questions about his “Bread & Butter””

  1. Alex Trebread says:

    Jeopardy will be hosting an honorary show for the Olive Garden on December 4th. Wait till you see Vanna’s dress!

  2. Bread Pitt says:

    DreamWorks reached out to my people last week looking to make a movie about the tragic Olive Garden extinction. They are calling it “The Last Basket,” that’s all I know at this point.

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