Mesa, Arizona – Only days after the real Donovan McNabb was detained by local police enforcement, a six-foot cardboard cutout of the former NFL star continues to evade even the most physically fit officers.
“I’ve never seen him move so well,” said Officer Eugene Hall after chasing the cutout for several feet before hunching over to catch his breath.
“It’s hard to believe he never won a Super Bowl!” Added Hall, now lying on his back, struggling to remain conscious.
McNabb was taken in by police on Thursday and spent one day in jail as part of sentencing for a
DUIJM (Driving Under the Influence of John Madden) conviction he received, stemming from a December 15th arrest.
“John Madden’s motivational tapes are not something to be taken lightly,” said Sports Psychologist, Theogar Bykeryder.
“They are geared towards unsuspecting professional athletes who have hit rock bottom and seek a quick fix to their problems. The tapes seem helpful at first, but as the victims continue to listen, they become entangled in a maddening web of deceit and transform into zombie-like creatures,” added Bykeryder.
The tapes were initially being sold in stores such as Walmart, Target and Sports Authority from 2008-2013, but have since been removed due to the resilient effort by the John Madden Must Die Organization (JMDO) that has been able to effectively spread awareness. However, the tapes are still being sold illegally in the black market.
In addition to the sentencing, McNabb must attend six months of therapeutic counseling to assist him in his withdraw from the voice of John Madden that has had adverse effects on other professional athletes such as Charles Barkley and Peyton Manning.
If you or someone you know has been negatively affected by the voice of John Madden, please call 1-800-MAD-HELP or visit www.JohnMaddenMustDie.org.