NEW YORK- The NHL lockout, well within its second week, has left most sports fans uninterrupted, except for the few that consider themselves a fan of hockey.
Although sources indicate that hockey is popular in other countries, it has never actualized itself as an enjoyable pastime in America. That is except for the fifteen fans that have gathered in front of the NHL head quarters in New York City to demand the team owners recognize the players’ demands.
“This is an out rage,” exclaims Doug Peterson.
“Since I moved here from Ontario, the only thing that helps with the home sickness is hockey, and now I can’t even have that.”
Most Americans have spent the past two weeks angrily yelling about losing money because of botched calls by the NFL’s replacement referees, but what many seemed to miss was the lack of an entire sport.
Hockey’s fan base has grown over the past few years in the United States, now numbering in the teens. This number has grown exponentially in the past year.
“Yeah, Doug over here got me watching a game, and it wasn’t all that bad. It kind of boring like soccer, but every once and a while there is a fight,” Explains Craig Steele, Peterson’s next door neighbor.
He added, “I suppose I could just watch mixed martial arts, but I’ve already bought a jersey. So I figure I’ll just keep watching.”
All fifteen fans of hockey gathered to show that there are actual fans of hockey, not just cardboard cut outs in stands, and that their voices will not be ignored.
“I am so tired of the stereotype that hockey isn’t that interesting,” states another protester. “We totally exist. It’s not like we’re WNBA fans or anything.”
When asked about the protest, NHL commissioner Garry Bettman responded, “Those guys? They’re protesting us? I thought they were leftovers from the occupy thing. Would you look at that, one of them is wearing that jersey that was bought the other day.”
In an interview questioning players about the lockout, Pittsburgh Penguins superstar Sydney Crosby admitted, “Fans? What, you mean Doug Peterson? That guy? He’s leaving creepy voice mails and digging through my trash. I wouldn’t call him a fan. It’s like saying OJ Simpson was a fan of Nichole and Ron.”
Garry Bettman came clean with reporters in his last press conference stating, “Look, I took this job because I thought no one would be paying attention. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m kind of in over my head. I just found out last week that the Ducks were a real team. I lost a lot of money on that game.”
Doug Peterson said that he would not “give up the good fight,” and also stated that he would do “really weird stuff,” given the opportunity to meet Crosby.
Junior hockey leagues are the best. its the only sport where i like the under-league better than the professional one
We have junior hockey in Seattle. It’s a lot like regular hockey except with a slightly higher ratio of non-Canucks in it, and much better fights. Stray teeth and all, it’s a thing of beauty.
And I still don’t go.
Just to prove your point, I really have no idea what this is about 🙂