Morons Protest Lack of Equality

Local news is reporting that traffic has been shut down in Washington, D.C. after a new protest movement took to the streets to demand equality legislation for morons.

The massive throng of over 1 million morons arrived on Constitution Avenue just after 7am and began screaming at the National Museum of Art in hopes that their rights would be recognized.

Some protesters wore t-shirts reading “I’m a moron—get over it,” while others chewed furiously on rectal thermometers and faced reporters to explain the movement’s goals.

Oakland, CA participant Holly Moore said “This isn’t about spending or healthcare. For too long morons have remained silent in the face of tremendous social and political abuse –today, that’s going to change. The government better watch out, because if they ignore our concerns, we’ll stop smoking pot!”

Her friend, Bob Billy, added “Instead of pot, all morons will consume laxatives. How do ya like THAT?

Another protester warned, “If morons don’t get equality legislation, I’ll light my hair on fire and watch it burn!”

When a squadron of police charged the protestors, self-appointed leader Igno Ramus yelled “Follow me!” and proceeded to dive into the Tidal Basin.

In an interview with Central Central News, moron policy wonk Dick Morris argued the protest is a sign that Barack Obama’s work to appease the moron community by erecting a Department of Intermoronical Affairs has failed, epically.

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